Can't forgive my husband for cheating. Need help on how to move on.?

Question

I had just broken up with a terrible boyfriend. days after i met my present husband who made my miserable life a living hell today. He told me that he had always loved me and wanted 2 marry me.He had an unusual relationship with a married woman whom i used to be closed to. When i confronted him about his closeness 2 her he denied having anything sexual with her.
I never wanted to be married until age 28 but i did marry at 22. I told him that i would only get married for the sake of having citizenship here and he agreed to work with me until i become 28 then we can get settled.i bought my ring 4 myself,paid d fees for our marriage in court, even housed him bcos his ex refused 2 leave his house. l became pregnant b4 i knew it and 4 yrs now i heard abt the married woman's confession of having an affair with my husband.i remember very vividly d emotional trauma i went thru with him.How he lied to me all thru. I dont have a family here to turn to.i need 2 start a life but how?Pls help.

Answer 1

AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE HIM. YES WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG,BUT YOU MUST FORGIVE. THE FIRST THING YOU DID WRONG WAS MARRY HIM TO GET A CITIZENSHIP. BY DOING THAT HE MAY HAVE ALREADY FELT LIKE HE HAD THE UPPER HAND.MAYBE LIKE YOU "NEEDED"HIM.EVEN IF THAT WAS NOT THE CASE. MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT FROM THIS COUNTRY( NOTICE I SAID BOYFRIEND) AND I KNOW THE PROCESS IS HARD,BUT I WOULD NEVER HAVE MARRIED HIM JUST FOR THE SAKE OF HIM BEING ABLE TO STAY IN THE COUNTRY.HE HAS JUST HIS FATHER AND SISTER HERE.WHAT ABOUT LOVE AND BEING WITH HIM AND KNOWING THAT HE IS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE WITH FOREVER. HE HAS BEEN HERE SINCE 2003 AND WE ARE TOGETHER, HE HAS HIS GREENCARD. AS FAR AS MOVING ON, YOU HAVE TO ASK GOD TO GUIDE YOU BECAUSE YOU TOOK A VOW,SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO STAY WITH THIS MAN. IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON THEN I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT TOO,NO ONE WANTS TO BE MISERABLE. SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU,WHAT YOU WANT, AND GO FOR IT.IT SEEMS LIKE YOU PAY THE COST TO BE THE BOSS ANYWAY. IF YOU NEED TO TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME.STAY STRONG GOOD LUCK.

Answer 2

Why am I so confused?
You got married because,
a. you needed citizenship
b. he loved you?
c. you just broke up with a boyfriend
d. all of the above
Now you are upset that he cheated?
It does not sound as if you were emotionally invested from the beginning. Why would he be? When a guy hears I'm too young,
I want my citizenship or I would not do this, I would leave but I'm pregnant he WILL go looking for affection.
It sounds like you are using this a yet another reason why you do not want to be ,married.
So end it already. But please quit blaming him.

Answer 3

You must forgive if you really want to move on and hope this is not true but it looks to me like you got married for the wrong reasons. All the same, I'm gonna offer you some help here.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails............

I admit it hurts alot to be in your kind of situation but what do you think about the above portion from the bible?

Did you ever love him? do you still love him? Anyway, if you really want to be happy then you got to work hard to earn that happiness. A happy marriage isn't sold in the market.
If you want it, then be ready to forgive, compromise, love, and patient too.

Quiters never win and winners never quit! Judge with your heart first and your head last!

All the best!

Answer 4

sometimes when we have a low self worth we attract those that hurt us and make us miserable, u need to think alot more of yourself, and decide if this is truly the man u want to be with. unfortunately one we have been betrayed it is not easy to get the same feelings back as we once had. u married him because u wanted something, but at what cost to u emotionally? was it really worth it? u needed to have some kind of support system, a trusted friend, a therapy group, something, and someone u will be able to talk to about this. sounds like u were doing all the giving in this marriage, and he was using u.

Answer 5

Was the affair before or after you met him? You both got married for the wrong reasons and you are now paying the price. Get a job, stand on your own and move on. You seem to have no emotional ties/

Answer 6

You are the maker of your own misery. If you didn't want to get married until age 28, why did you get married at 22 and pay for everything to boot? And, having married a cheater, why did you get pregnant? People don't get pregnant "before they know it". I don't know what country you're from, but I'm betting that even in your country, everyone knows what actions cause a pregnancy. Yes, he lied to you from day one, but you let him get away with it for too long already. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, kick his sorry a*ss to the curb and build a life for yourself.

Answer 7

You will somehow need to learn to forgive him because this will eat you up inside if you do not. Seek counseling and help to get you through this and you will have to learn to let go of the pain this is causing and move on with your life. If you still want to work on your marriage with him then you will also need Christian marriage counseling as well. You married him for the wrong reasons BUT i still feel that there is hope for you and for this marriage. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter as well.

Answer 8

Sounds like you married for the wrong reason in the first place If you married him just to stay in the country you got what you wanted and now you expect it to be blissful which it isn't. What do you do for him or is it all about you.

Answer 9

take time without dating and do things for YOU!!! Get your old self back and do things to keep busy that you find fun and interesting. Then after you find yourself again, then you should date but never to replace an old relationship. Don't jump from one guy to the next, take time.

Answer 10

i assume i might do what priv828 reported. look into what you're able to do legally with your card. individually, i do no longer see why that should stop you while you're searching for a divorce. Do you experience that it grow to be in basic terms a 2nd of weak point on his section removed from you or do you experience he ought to do it back? Are you worried of him? Does he carry potential over you? in case you think of he's truthful and sorry for his mistake, do no longer carry itup to him anymore. enable him comprehend you nevertheless love him. issues could be effective there after. yet, in case you think of the worst, or you're worried of him and stuff or he does it back,. . .I hate to could say this yet woman, wait patiently and start up making plans on your HEAD. do no longer bypass away notes for your self and delete your seek cache on the laptop while you're at abode so he would not see it. And once you learn of a thank you to get out of this heart discomfort, in spite of if it takes some years and it is often extremely worth it, bypass away with your newborn AND record FOR DIVORCE as quickly as he's OUT OF the abode! i grow to be sort of on your shoes as quickly as. i comprehend there's no wish of saving this marriage for different reasons than this because of fact of your question so solid success. I wish you and your newborn the suited.