My wife cheated on me, how do i get it out of my head??

Question

My wife cheated about 9 months ago, i had a gut feeling it was going on and some unsolid evidence. I tried to raise the question and threw comments out there but to no avail, but once i had solid proof it all came out. I was going to leave she begged me not to an cut him off. I got arrested and fired from work when i tried to beat the **** out of him, (he called the cops and pressed felony charges on me, go figure, we worked together by the way) so we moved out of state. I had the same gut feeling a couple years before but she swears nothing happened then. How do i get past this mentally? I do ok for a few months and then freak out and she doesnt mind because she says I have every right to get mad or upset with her. Do I need a shrink?? it really drives me crazy at times, please read this all and help!

Answer 1

Patrick I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I know how it feels because it's happened to me. I guess you need to be realistic and ask yourself whether you can ever trust her again. The most effective healers are time and communication. It will take quite a bit of effort to rebuild the trust again. Trust your gut feelings too, 9 times out of 10 they are spot on. It was my gut feelings that alerted me to my husband's many dalliances in the past. Sometimes counselling can help, they might be able to give you strategies on how to deal with your roller coaster emotions at the moment. Hope this helps, kind regards Penny xx

Answer 2

This is a big one! I think people deserve a second chance. Ask her why she cheated? Were you lacking in sexual pleasure? or not treating her the way she needs to be treated. If she just did it for the fun of it then there is a chance she will do it again and you don't want that on your mind all the time. Women find other things if they arnt happy with what they got. Do you surprise her? Bring her flowers? Write little notes to her? things like this keep the burn in her heart to love you. Not saying that all women should cheat if things arnt going well, that is the only way they know how to fill the empty holes that your not filling. But you will never completely get it out of your head and wondering if she is cheating again. You will never gain that trust. Unless she shows you in multiple ways. Either forgiver her and move on otherwise you will just drive your self nuts over it. Or you can tell your self that there is a better person out there what will understand you and respect you and not to cheat on you. And thats hard to picture yourself with someone totally different.. It hurts. Ask her if there was anything special about that guy. Did she do it for the fun of it? or did she have feelings for this man. If there is no feelings for that man then you are in a better state on mind. Sometimes women just like a challange. So keep her mind challanged and keep her mind allways wondering what you will do next.

Answer 3

I think some professional counseling would help you decide if you can get past this or not. That is going to be something you will have to decide, they can help. If she is willing to own up to what she did you can try to go together and talk it out. A lot of times this is a bump some one can not get over or past, but if you love her and feel you want to work it out then go the extra mile and have some one help you sort out your thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner that will make some sense to you.

If after that you still feel you won't ever be able to trust her again, or move past the anger of what happened it may be best for you to go your separate ways. You both deserve to be happy in life, you only get one short ride on this planet and you don't want to waste it being angry and miserable all the time.

Answer 4

If you are still married to her ,you must change a little bit your style .You must behave as if nothing had happened and show that there are more important things in life -actually there are ..like Jesus Christ , Heaven...Behave with calm , think before you give an answer ...don't pay attention to the men that she slept with ...don't pay attention to the men are interested in her.Don't pay attention to the men she looks at ...as if this doesn't happen.She will undesrand that you are more intelligent that she expected ...

Actually you have no choice , because you obviously are not the type of Casanova...and this is fine because you have a free way to Heaven..

You can chalange her...talking politely or having a little conversation with women that are different from her, especialy moral woman ...so make her a litle bit jealous, but take care the woman you are talking to ...must be very sure that you are not interested in her and it is just a friendly conversation...So take care what you say...You can also make compliments to this woman , in a politely style , laughing at some lovely ideas ...so that your wife can hear a little your conversation...Actually you can have friends- women - but without sexual interest etc ...and only the kind of social friendly relationship.So talk to other women but take care , they shall want you...so take care not to fall in love with you , not to want to sleep with you...keep them at distance...but talk to them So this shall chalange your wife ...

Don't be upset because you have been cheaten. If she were very intelligent she wouldn't do it...Maybe she shall become intelligent..So you must not get mad because of a stupid woman...You could get mad because of a intelligent beautifull woman that never cheates...

Answer 5

You leave the state with a traitor then wonder why you can't get it out your head? There's an ole saying 'The gold mine is right under your feet..." If she cheats on you over there she'll do it where ever you two go. You are in torment my friend....you are better off starting over without her than being misreable.
If she was a worthy wife she would have never cheated on you.
The whole time you had suspicions I bet she told you you was a nut case....they usually do....it justifies why they sin. No all women are like that. Divorce her and marry one who is worthy of your love and hard work.

Answer 6

Personally i could NEVER get past something like this. However if it was just a physical attraction that isn't as bad as an emotional attraction. I think talking to someone who knows how to help you with this professionally will either help you to get over it or help you relies it may never happen and move on. Good Luck

Answer 7

yes i do think therapy would help u, u keep reliving this, and just can't move past it, seems as if your wife is very understanding of this, and is willing to live with it. u may have an anger problem, that needs to be worked on. revenge on the other person just hurts u, and not the other person, keeps u bitter and hurting. get some help on this.

Answer 8

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear she cheated :( Its been 9 months and you're still obviously not okay with it. You probably do need a therapist to talk to about it because you've obviously been through a lot.

Answer 9

This is a hard one, it appears that you really love her to give her a 2nd chance. Time is the only thing that will heal your hurt. I have found out if I am really troubled about something I go outside and look up to God and ask him to help me out. you can talk to God he will help you thur this. Good luck, I sure hope it works out for you. you have lost enough

Answer 10

I do understand how you feel, you will need counsel to move past it but even with counsel I could never be with my ex because once the trust is gone it is gone to me forever. I hope you can get past it.