I've known this friend for 3 years and she has always been a bit off with me. She had a cold a few weeks back and so I suggested she get some cold remedies. After a few days went by, she rang to ask me why I hadn't asked her how her cold was! (As if I've nothing else in my life!) Then I had a burglary at Christmas (a bad one) and she told me how lucky I was because she had one about 30 years ago, where the burlgars supposedly had knives on them (even though she never met them). So am I to assume to my friend that I'm lucky, because my burlgars may or may not have had knives on them? (I didn't see my burlgars either). I just don't know what to make of all this.
2007-02-25 19:41:54 · 13 answers · asked by The way I are 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
attention seeking woman..
tell me is she the kind of person who likes to be centre of attention or always have some drama or story when routine gets boring? Of course hers was "much worse"...
2007-02-25 21:09:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sheldon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first poster - she probably likes you (romantically). She's definitely single - and I bet you're single, too... right? If you're ever wondering about "off behavior", a good rule of thumb is to observe and see if the "off behavior" is to just a few select people, or to everybody. If it's just limited to you, then it's personal - if it's to everybody, then don't take it personally, because it isn't.
Yes, she wants attention - but mostly I think, she just wants yours. Plus, you've known each other for 3 years... who knows how long she's liked you??? There's a lot of pent-up feeling there, I'm sure.
But unfortunately, her EQ seems to be a tad on the lower side:
1) The Cold - She really wants you to care about her well-being, and was frustrated/disappointed when you didn't ask up on her, because that proved that you probably weren't interested in her. When you recommended the remedies, she probably misread (or read into) it as a sign of romantic caring interest, when it wasn't. She wants you to care about her, but she doesn't know how to make that happen, so she goes the 100% direct route and just asks for it.
2) The Burglary - She doesn't realize that bringing up her own experience and downplaying yours is not going to make you feel better or like her, even though her intention WAS to make you feel better by helping you to think that it wasn't that bad because it wasn't life-threatening.
In the future, you have to focus NOT on the content of what people say, but more on the underlying emotion and intention of their words to really understand where they are coming from. Usually, negativity is a sign of underlying unhappiness or pain, not malicious intent.
How to Deal:
You have to let her know that you're not interested in her and never will be (I assume that's true, given the tone of your message), but in an INDIRECT way that won't make her feel bad, cause any unnecessary waves, or jeopardize your "friendship".
1. Slip into the subject of latest romantic interests. Let it slip out that you're currently interested in a particular girl.
2. DO NOT say you're not interested in anybody and leave it at that, because she might keep hoping.
3. If you're not interested in anybody & you want to avoid any white lies (my recommendation), slip into the subject of what type of guys SHE might like. Ask, "Hey, when was the last time you were in a relationship?" (She answers.) Then ask her what type of guys she likes. Then later on after giving her expression space, deftly switch to what kind of girls YOU might like (she may even ask you herself). Obviously, make sure that you list qualities that are impossible for her. Stay away from sensitive physical traits (like weight, looks, height... but hair color, eye color, etc are ok) and personality qualities (sometimes people will try to change).
4. You can also mention that you'll keep your eye out for potential matches for HER. Slip in a positive statement of support, like you're sure the right guy for her will come along.
5. If she doesn't get the hint (or you don't succeed in delivering it well), then just be very careful about how you interact with her. Make sure that there's space between you. Avoid doing anything that could be misinterpreted. Be careful not to "use" her emotionally, like for support or boredom. Eventually, she'll get the picture. As long as you've tried your best to let her know where you stand and not lead her on, you've fulfilled your responsibility.
2007-02-25 22:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by sky2evan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your friend has some deep seated inferiority issues and some serious voids in her life. Until she reconciles these conflicts it will always be about her and you will play second fiddle: When the focus is on you then you aren't filling her voids or her needs and you are therefore expendable, whether it be emotionally, etc. Maybe she needs to work on her issues and maybe she is justified in her self-absorption; however, that doesn't mean that you are obligated to give yourself up for her. She has to work out her own problems. Being there for her is one thing, sacrificing yourself is yet another. Good luck to both of you.
2007-02-25 19:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
She does not like the attention being on anyone except her,those people are hard work,you have to constantly massage their ego.Which is boring and tiring .She does need help! The psychology behind it is attention, seeking ,or so it appears.
2007-02-25 20:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its a tough one. Unfortunately its' your friend who has the issues not your friendship itself. Which brings me to the question...how close a friend is she? The reason I ask is because if she begins to bring you down with her negativity then it may be someone not worth having around so much in your own life.
2007-02-25 20:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by daisybabygirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you poor thing.after what you have been through do you really need a 'friend' like that! give her some of her own medicine id say! stand up for yourself and stop worrying about what other people think, life is just to short. good luck hun.x
2007-02-25 19:50:03 · answer #6 · answered by bells 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's just very self-absorbed that's all. Don't read too much into it. For many people this is just how they make conversation. Maybe by telling you her experience she is attempting to empathise with you but unfortunately is just taking over everything that happens herself. If you want to stay friends you just have to accept that this is the way that she is.
2007-02-25 19:48:27 · answer #7 · answered by LillyB 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
some things can be simpler then they seem 'just' talk to her about it...not to be rude but do you think anyone who answers your qeustion can answer it better then the person you are having difficulty with...you might find directly what is going on instead on living merely on assumptions or guesswork..
good luck
2007-02-25 19:54:46 · answer #8 · answered by lucky 7 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your friend just needs attention. and most probably (if not) your friend likes you. well just deal with her, unless shes pain on the neck already.
2007-02-25 19:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by <fish_me> 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your friend is selfish, just keep being as nice as possible or find another friend
2007-02-25 19:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by ddcass 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋