Torn between my husband and another?

Question

I've been married for about 7 mos. now, I have no kids, and I'm torn. I love my husband, but he just doesn't seem interested in me. He doesn't tell me I'm beautiful, and he never does anything special for me. He's always in a bad mood. I feel so alone in our marriage. I've been talking to this guy lately, and he just kinda let out his feelings for me. He's just so wonderful in every way. I love somebody that can intellectually stimulate me. My husband smokes pot, so yeah. This other guy tells me I'm beautiful, and that he wants to sweep me up in his arms and live the rest of his life loving me. I've known him for awhile, so it's not one of those just met things. I've actually known him for longer than I have my husband. I haven't slept with him or anything, so I haven't cheated. I just need someone else's take on this. I'm so confused.

All my husband wants to do is watch TV and play video games...he never even talks to me. He just expects me to clean up his messes and do this marriage thing by myself.

Yes, I have talked to him multiple times about his pot problem, and I've talked to him about helping me with making our marriage work.

Answer 1

Ultimately this is a question your gonna have to answer yourself but a few things to look at...

Right now, the other guy is a fantasy, just as you are his and honey, people fantasize in perfect purportions. Your not seeing the whole picture for one, cause you dont want to, two, your not around him all the time & not seeing eachothers annoying bad habits, etc.

Also, it is human nature to long for what you cant have, once he has unwrapped you, took you out of the box, played with you for a bit, how do you know he isnt going to put you down and go on to some other challenge?

Another thing, it is perfectly normal for you to want to be complimented & not just by your husband. Letting it get further than that is a mistake & one that your hubby will hone in on, garaunteed.

Whats worse? Your unresponsive husband or your sneaking around with the other guy? Maybe there is woman somewhere in your hubby's normal day, a gas station clerk, secretary, who knows, that compliments your man, would it be right for him to then make a secret lunch date to have a wife bashing poor me party.

Not cheating huh, do you lay there at night and fall asleep thinking of another man while your hubby lies next to you? Fantasize during sex? Have you lied to him of your whereabouts while sneaking around "not cheating"?

Is it fair for you to be comparing your husband & Mr. perfect? I doubt your hubby goes around comparing you to the hottie at the 7/11 and then start questioning his marraige.

Last question, how many other married women do you think Mr. perfect has seduced or is currently seducing? It is a cowardly thing to do!

Sweetheart, the grass might seem greener on the other side of the fence but its not your grass! You and yours planted your own grass and it needs time and sometimes help to grow.

Now on your side...

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option

Answer 2

I'm just wondering why did you marry your husband then and not the other guy? I guess the situation you were in was different. I'll get to the point now. In general the grass is not greener on the other side. I don't have enough details to give you good advice but you need to think your situation over and figure out if your marriage can be saved or not. Ask your self some question maybe that will help you. For example, Did you tell your husband what bothers you? Do you know for sure that the guy you're talking with has good intentions or does he want to be with you because he know that he can't have you?

Answer 3

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. You haven't been married very long so I can't see it as being laziness on his part not to make an effort anymore. I also think you should avoid this other guy until you figure out what's going on between you and your husband without the influence of a third party. Cheating on your husband will just complicate things even more and will (if you a decent person) make you feel guilty and bad about yourself. If you decide you don't want to be with your husband anymore, I think you should wait until after the divorce to pursue a relationship with the other guy and take things relatively slowly so that you know whether your feelings for him are real or just because he's giving you the attention you wish you had from your husband.

Answer 4

Because married should not be thrown away so easily, I believe the best thing for you do to is talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel. Are you open to couple's therapy? I think the biggest misconception about this route is that you go because you want to save your marriage. That's not true. You go because you want to figure out whether your marriage is salvagable. If so, you figure out what to do. If not, you get yourself together as best as possible for the next relationship. The worst thing to do is to go from one relationship to another. This other guy is new and exciting... when a relationship just starts it's always new and exciting. Maybe you're supposed to be with him, maybe not. But do yourself a favor, stop talking to him while you figure out what you're supposed to do with your marriage. It will be difficult but it's the only way to really give your marriage a good evaluation. Believe me, I've been there. I've made mistakes and have learned from them. I hope I have helped you a little along the way.

Answer 5

Sista, it sounds like he was not ready for marriage. I know it is easy to talk to this other man, right now, but believe me, when I say, if you want your marriage to have a fighting chance, then you are going to have to put that extra time in finding a solution to your problem, like, conselling, now if after you have tried other avenues and then it still doesn't work, then face the reality of it, it's time to call it quits, but if there is a glimmer of hope, then you've got to be fair to your marriage, I know you think your husband don't know this other, gentleman, is giving you attention, but you would be amazed how much he can feel you not there with him, emotionally. All I'm saying, is, don't start something else when you are not sure what's going on in your present situation. Let your marriage come first, and then if it doesn't work, then end it and start afresh. Be fair...to Yourself!

Answer 6

You need to talk to your husband not really about how you feel about this other man but about how your husband makes you feel and what you need in your relationship with him. Men do have a bit of intuition and he can probably feel something is amiss already. You owe to the commitment you made to at the very least try to work things out.
Furthermore I challenge the fact that you are cheating as your already doing so by sharing intimate moments with another man, it may not be sexual but you should be trying to share these types of moments with your husband.

And BTW smoking pot has nothing to do with ones intellectual capacity.

Answer 7

Ask yourself why you married your husband in the first place? No use regretting now. Either you work it out with your husband or you get out of this seemingly unhappy marriage. Love is not enough to sustain a happy marriage. You need security (in every sense) and trust. Having emotional connection with another man may constitute as cheating to some. Your husband may not be pleased if he finds out.

Answer 8

It sounds like you want people to tell you it's okay to leave your husband because of your reasons, but I find it hard to believe he did none of these things before you married him. After 7 months of marriage he became a pothead and a gamer that never makes you feel special?
I'm sorry but you are being a brat...you need to stick with your husband and end your emotional affair with this other man. You are married and owe it to your hubby to try and work it out. He's not a mind reader so you have to tell him what you need.
Good luck.

Answer 9

I don see u stating on ur message that u have talk abt this to ur hubby.. Did u guys talk things out?? y is he bad mood?? is he like this before marriage or jst recently he changed?? Anyway u do not need to sleep with another guy to cheat on ur husband.. by u talking to another guy behind ur husband's back is equally to CHEATING!! so don say u have NOT cheated him..
Wel.. y were u silent that ur husband is smoking pot?? u seems to be so relax abt ur hubby doing so.. then y state that ur husband is smoking pot?? Are u trying to prove that his habit is the reason for his bad mood?? come on lady.. Sit and think... for a second, u didn't place any effort to change ur marriage situation then u have step forward for another relationship, which is never gona cure ur problem.. Talk to ur husband first. If U feel nothing's gona work out because of his attitude, then make ur move.. (Remember lady, Moving to another relationship is not gona cure any problem on earth)... Best regards...

Answer 10

I know a lot of people will say that pot isnt bad, its more a recreational drug, but anyone who is dependent on any form of drug sees that drug as the most important thing in their life. Anyone who says differently has never been involved with a drug user/abuser and pot comes into that category as well. Your husband is not the person he could be...he is dictated to by a drug and will never have his own personality whilever he continues to smoke the pot. You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him that you dont like who he is....that you need some intellectual, physical and emotional stimulation and he is not giving it to you. You cannot live like this for long, and I think you have realised this because its only been 7 months. Your husband is not considering you whatsoever, and we all need to be noticed....we all need to feel loved and we all need to feel special. If he refuses to give up the pot and he continues to treat you like you dont really exist, then this problem will not go away. You can try to uphold your marriage vows, but if he will not give up the pot you will be the only one trying and it WONT work. If I were you, I would sit down with your husband and tell him you dont want to stay married to him anymore because you feel you are not appreciated, and if he can treat you like this only after 7 months, then I guarantee it will get worse. If he wont give up the pot.....go with this other guy because you deserve to be happy, not upholding marriage vows that are obviously one sided. Your husband has totally disrespected you. You should be still in your honeymoon stage, but its gone stale already....get out is my only advice to you before kids come along.

Be happy, and just admit you made a mistake by marrying this loser. Go with your heart.