Why do woman stay with abusive men?

Question

Why do woman believe that a man that hits her once will never do it again?? Why do they end up having to come up with stories about how they got their black eye? And more importantly WHY are their not stronger laws on protecting people in abusive relationships? If a woman gets hit a man does little to no time BUT if he were to steal something the punishment would be a lot harsher. Why in this society in this day and age are people getting away with it? Or they can get a restraining order. I think my favorite line in a movie about a restraining order is from ENOUGH when she says so if the husband comes and i have the restraining order what am I supposed to do throw it at him?

Answer 1

I can answer this one because I know from experience.

My ex fiance was very mentally abusive. He would put me down, degrade me, & embarrass me in front of our friends & my family. Later in the evening, he would tell me there is no one out there that loves me like he does, and there is no way I will find someone else like him. After hearing that over & over, you really start to believe it. The next morning, he would be apologizing over and over, begging me for forgiveness.

Believe it or not, I would always forgive him, thinking this was the last time it would happen. This went on for quite awhile, and it took my father to threaten to pratically disown me if I don't end it. I of course was upset, but I finally realized what he was doing to me. My self-esteem was so low, I didn't think I would ever recover. Once you get out of the relationship, though, you can look back on it and realize what happened.

Thank goodness I now have a wonderful husband that treats me the exact opposite of what my ex did.

Answer 2

Most woman believe that they are just so in love with these men. They don't think that they can do any better and that they put themselves in these situations. They deserve what they are getting....When in reality they haven't done anything. They should not be getting treated this way.
As with the law, it can only do so much. If the woman doesn't want to press charges then they don't have to. Restraining orders are broken everyday just because of the fact that the woman goes back to the man because they are "so in love" with him. They can't live without him. Most of the time...these women have such low self esteems that they don't know the difference between what is going on and what they should be doing.
Personally, I don't understand why women do this. I was in an abusive relationship and I left it the second time he tried doing something to me. He followed me all over the place, but I had the cops take care of it. He doesn't contact me anymore. It took a lot of strength to do this and I wish all women were this way, but they are not.

Answer 3

I ONCE BEEN IN THIS situation.I stayed with an abusive man because i saw it as right growing up my mom dated people who were abusive. I try ed to get out of this relationship but was hunted down or stocked. I felt that sens i lived through the abusive relationship i would be protecting the next woman from possibly dying.why do they get away because you can report it only so many times. A restrain order is not a body guard.just because their is a current restrain order there are ways for her husband to get around

Answer 4

First let me say most women are to trusting! There are alot of things that come into play. Low self-esteem, some women feel like they may have no where to go, Fear has alot to play into it to, most women convince themselve that he won't hit me again. He was just angry it was, my own fault. Im sorry but hell to the no i would not put up with it. I don't really know why there are not stronger laws against people like that there needs to be. I know my mom stayed with my dad for 10 years and my dad was very abusive to the both of us. I don't know why she stayed so long I never asked her. I thought it was crazy but one day she just had enough and left. Its been 12 years now. I know i would never put up with that from any man. My husband would never lay a hand me in that form. He knows better than that. Sorry i couldn't be much more of any help to you. I love that line in ENOUGH its so true they don't do much they just throw them in jail for the night or hell a few hours. So It feels like throwing it at him would be the only other thing. There are ways that you can get around a restraining order. Most people know that. And most take advantage!

Answer 5

This is really a tough question. There are sooo many reasons women stay with abusive men. 1). They love them!! love isn't easy to give up on. 2) children!! they dont wan't their childrent o be without a father. 3.) financial reasons. some women have are stay at home moms and wouldnt be able to make it on their own or at least they don't think they would be able to make it on their own. 4). No support. They dont have any family members close or friends to support them 5.) they have been threatened, that if they leave they will kill them. ..6.) the spouse says they will change.. The most dangerous time for a women who is a victim of domestic violence is when they leave their spouse. More women are killed once they leave rather than staying in an abusive relationship. I am not sure of the exact stats but i do know that every one out of three women is a victim and every minute a women is being victimized and at least three women are killed everyday due to domestic violence. honestly, i dont know why there are not stronger laws but one thing for someone to do if they are in this situation is to have a safetyplan.

Answer 6

Usually in a abusive relationship, aside from the emotional connection that a couple have; a women will withstand physical abuse because she may be dependent on him financially, second she may be scared to take action and become independent enough to leave him feeling she has no one else to turn to. Thirdly, it is also because the abusive spouse may have a psychological hold by mentally bullying the other spouse and threatening to continue to be abusive if there isn't obedience. all in all abusive spouses are just people who don't know how to maintain proper control in a relationship, and resort to physical violence. The women feel like they have no choice but to stick to this relationship because they feel that it is better to be IN a relationship than to have none at all. Basically the foundation for such a relationship is fear, mistrust, and control. It takes a lot of planning to get away from an abusive relationship, and a lot of courage and self belief that you can make it through life better off than the harsh situation that your stuck in right now.

Answer 7

Please don't judge these women.

If you have never been in an abusive relationship you would not understand it. Most abusive woman are abused mentally before they are ever hit. This abuse takes away their happiness, their trust in family and friends, and their self esteem. In as little as three months they can be a totally different person than what you ever knew of them. By the time the physical abuse starts they are too afraid to leave because they don't believe that they have anyone to turn to. More often than none they fear for their life or the life of a child, not to mention that they are programmed to believe it's all their fault.

Any woman that has survived an abusive relationship can have my vote for "The World's Strongest Woman".

Answer 8

Because they have low self-esteem and their self-worth is tied to their relationship. If they had some confidence, they would be willing to be alone for a while, until they found someone new. Sad, but factual. About the laws, I can say that if a man hits a woman he will do more time than a woman who hits a man... I guess society evens it out... Parental laws = advantage women. Abuse laws = advantage men. Sad again.

Answer 9

Hi, my mom was abused for 20 years and she stayed out of fear; so I ways always one of those women who said not me. I ended up in an abusive relationship for four years because it didn't start that way. You don't chose to get into an abusive relationship but you do chose to stay because you don't eventually get used to it. In my relationship, once I got out found that it was just a bad habit. I had allowed this abusive environment to become familiar to me because I was mentally addicted to it and didn't know it. I realize that I didn't love this guy, I didn't have low self esteem and I wasn't scared of him, but I was mentally addicted to the behavior that slowly and gradually became a way of life. We all stay for different reasons but I think we all decide to stay because it has become life and it would take too much to change, until that one day when we get so tired that we just want peace and quiet, but unfortunately some women and men never get tired.

Answer 10

They have a low self esteem. Sometimes they're scared to leave them, because these men tell the women they'll kill them if they leave. What would you do? I can't imagine what I would do to get out of that type of situation. I also want to point out that sometimes women abuse men. People think that it's only the other way around, but that is only a myth. There is a small percentage of men that have abusive wives. It may be a small percent, but it's still there.