This is the beginning of my story. If you pick it up and read the first paragraph, would you keep reading?

Question

it's an assignment for school. my partner and I have to write a story.

well, the beginning of it is that she finds a book at the library and reads the first paragraph (i'm writing the story) and decides that it's really good and takes it out.

Does my paragraph do a good job? Be honest.

Will was not an ordinary man. He displayed great athletic ability and stamina. Over what seemed to be endless years of fighting, he had learn how kill a man in so many different ways. In the beginning he felt that it was wrong to kill another being. But over the years, he had turned callous and no longer felt any shame or guilt in stabbing a man sent out by Alaric to kill him and villagers-innocent beings that suffered for the misdeeds of one person in their village. Since the betrayal of his best friend, Dralco, he realized that the battle for his kingdom was more important than ever.

At the end, she realizes that it's a book in a series and goes back to read the rest.

Answer 1

It's pretty good, but the sentence "He displayed great athletic ability and stamina." is a little odd considering the rest of the paragraph. When you read it, it makes you think you're going to be reading about some athlete, not a warrior.

Answer 2

Yes, the paragraph is good and makes me want to continue reading it. But the first two sentences are not quite up to it.

You need to grab the reader by using action. The second sentence tells the reader about the man. You need to SHOW the reader.

Something like--"He knew it was chasing him and he had his weapon handy. Jumping over a huge pit, he stopped to reflect. Fighting for what seemed to be endless years...etc:

Sounds like an exciting tale. Continue.

Answer 3

Its a good story, just be sure to correct your grammatical errors. In the third sentence, "learn" should be "learned" and in the next sentence, "that" isn't needed. When you're done, have someone proofread it who isn't afraid to point out all of your mistakes and isn't familiar with the story, so that their opinions would represent the average reader's thoughts. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would keep reading, but you should proofread (I know you will type it again). Make sure your punctuation is correct, it's key. And from this point in the story, yes i'd keep reading, but you would have to hold my attention after the entire first page, not just a paragraph!

Answer 5

Yeah, I like it. I, myself, a happen to be an aspiring writer and for what my opinions worth I think your on the right track. Keep up the good work.

Answer 6

Good start...