Is it wrong for me to want to be a childless homemaker?

Question

I am 32,married for 11 yrs. I have always worked crummy jobs as needed and have always supported my husband in his career/business pursuits, even working for him and doing work for his employers. We don't have much, in fact a bad job decision made by my husband cost us our home and our credit. I had to leave my last job which I actually liked to move to a state where my husband could find more work. My problem is I have battled with depression & hormonal problems for yrs and find it very difficult to adapt to new jobs and meet new people. I feel like I've been yanked around so much in the last few years with my husband's career interests that I'm emotionally exhausted & just don't want to do it anymore. We are childless due to infertility so I really have no excuse why I am not out there bringing in the money & health insurance which we seriously need. Hubby is furious & says it's time for me to "do my part". I feel guilty am I wrong & selfish for wanting to stay at home?

As a side note-I have tried to get my education but have had to quit school twice due to jobs moves with my husband. Plus I have worked almost continuously with the exception of a break wherein I required two surgeries. Also my husband has an education but his job market (residential architectural design) has suffered due to the recent shift in the housing market.

Answer 1

it takes two to make it these days.

Answer 2

I suffer from depression among panic and anxiety disorder. I find it so hard to just get out of bed in the morning or to be around people. But I do get up,take my meds and go to work, because riding the sofa and watching t.v or playing on the computer all day is not going to pay the bills and put food on the table.
I can say I understand your issues as far as depression, but at some point you will need to get some help, if you have not yet,and g et a job even if only part time, because if you and your hubby are having financial problems it might need two incomes to get out of it. If you do not want a "crummy" job, then get some training or schooling to take up a better job that you will enjoy and be comfortable at.

Answer 3

I've had to drag my family around chasing jobs and rainbows. I do this not at my own whim, but trying to make a better life for us.

My wife stays at home with our kids. It is not easy to make ends meet.

I understand your depression.

Seems like the best thing would be to get a job, get insurance, and get treated for depression and infertility if you choose. Try to find something that you would enjoy. Take the time to find a job that really stimulates your interests.

I sure would like to stay at home but do not have that choice. I think the majority of people would rather not work.

Have a serious talk with hubby about settling down.

Hang in there. Get insurance and treatment. Things will look up.

Answer 4

You should probably look into some counseling. It is right for you to want to take care of yourself. After all, how can you give to marriage if you have nothing to give? There are places that will see you for free or at a very low cost, look into it. This person will be able to give you better advice or help you find your own answer, than anything you will recieve on here. If you don't get your depression and marriage worked out soon it sounds like things could get much worse. Staying at home isn't wrong but doing nothing is. Take some kind of steps to make things better, in my opinion seeing a counselor is a definite first step.

Answer 5

Actually no you're not wrong, however it might help defray some of your depression. You don't say whether you like kids or not...if you do maybe you could take classes and get a license as a child day care provider for a few kids, that would bring in money and as a small business owner you might be eligible for the insurance packages opening up now for small business owners and their families. As for your hubby, you need to remind him that it wasn't YOUR fault tha he made a bad move that landed the two of you are, from what I am getting from your post it almost seems as if he expects YOU to get the two of you out of the hole he dug for you in the first place.

Answer 6

I would say yes, it's selfish to not make an effort to contribute to the family finances when you two really need it. You can certainly put your foot down and keep doing what you're doing - but don't be surprised if it costs you your marriage. Consider going back to school, and getting trained in a profession you might actually enjoy. It's better for your overall well-being to be actively involved in something, anyway (I, too, have been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember myself, and I gotta say, it helps to be doing work I enjoy - instead of some ******** jobs I used to do before I got my degree.) Good luck.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to have kids and be a homemaker. Many women cannot or do not want kids.

I am 44. We have been married for eleven years and we never had kids.

Perhaps you can compromise with hubby by working at home. You can do word processing or something like that.

Answer 8

Yes because you have no real excuse except a selfish attitude of wanting someone to take care of you.

Marriage is a partnership...each one has to do their part, but you want your husband to carry the load.

I think as long as you don't have children, you could both make some changes to make things better. Your husband needs to get better trained so he can make better money....and you need to also prepare yourself to make your home better for both of you.

You have a lot of excuses and are probably lucky your husband is still hanging in there....You would have a lot less health problems to dwell on, depression, etc. if you would join the real world and build up your own self worth. When you know you can contribute you will be surprised how your outlook would change.

And if you want children you could always adopt them...but get financially in better shape first...and that takes both of you....you are not being fair to your husband. He needs your help, and you both need to sit down and plan how to work together.

Answer 9

At first I was going to say," no stay at home." Don't let depression keep you home. Try not to feel guilty, depression is a tough battle. You can overcome it though. Keep fighting.

Answer 10

no i'm in your same situation i suffer from depression in a very bad way and its very very hard for me to keep a job., you've been by his side helping him all along. he's dragging you around because of his bad choices, he should cut you some slack. if you cant work you could also tryfinding online jobs or som kind of say at home job.