what is my husband's problem??

Question

Earlier tonight, i mentioned to him that i wanted to get a bike for me to ride around the neighborhood for exercise. I want to better my health and maybe help lose a little weight. I am 27 and i am not overweight , i would like to lose maybe 10 pounds to better my body. He started complaining that i wanted one and said we already had enough clutter around the house. He then proceeded to complain about all the things i had that needed to be thrown out. Including childhood toys and other sentimental items i've had for years. After this, he started telling me that it would just sit on the front porch after a week because i wouldn't follow through with it. I have NEVER tried something like this before.This came out of nowhere. He was completely attacking me. On the other hand, he is the one who is always trying new diets and things to lose excess weight. I have always supported him & tried to help him succeed. I expected the same. I told him that he was the one w/ no follow through.

I mentioned all the diet pills collecting dust and he is taking another pill currently. He accused me of wanting him to take them all at once so it would kill him! That i act like i want that by the things i say & do and that i act like i would be better off. Absurd! I was pissed and shocked. This came from nowhere. What is wrong with him? I went to bed & he came in later and thought i was overreacting & i had nothing to be upset about. He even laughed at me while saying the bike wouldn't get used. This hurts me because i am always there for him. If i said these things to him it would be another story. I have wanted to walk before and our neighborhood isn't good and i dont trust the shady people hanging out on the street. He threw that in my face that i never stuck with the walking. If we lived somewhere else i would. What is his problem ???

Answer 1

Maybe your husband realises you are serious about this and feels guilty about his poor attempts at exercise and healthy living. A bike takes up a small amount of room when compared with other exercise equipment. You can use it two or three times a week and feel good. =) His argument is redundant.

Answer 2

It's not the bike, it's something more basic than that. The bike just brought it all to the surface.

He's got some problems that involve your relationship as it relates to "things". You collect them, he doesn't, for instance. But, it's more than that. I'm surprised that you can't figure it out because I'm sure that this has been discussed in the past.

Instead of going back and forth about each other's weaknesses and/or hypocrisy, approach your husband on a mature level and ask him what is really bugging him. Tell him you know it's not the bike and that it has to do with something more general. If he opens up, just listen, don't argue. If he criticizes you, use active listening - "So, you're angry because I keep things that you think should be thrown out." Then, continue to listen, don't defend yourself or accuse him of something similar. Let him spill his guts if you can (rarely will guys do this, so if you can get him to fully open up, congratulations!). This might hurt, but try to stay detached emotionally until he's had is say. You can learn a ton this way.

If he won't open up, don't push it. And, don't buy the bike. Let it go for a week or so, and bring it up again. If he gets upset, do the above again. If you are kind and loving and willing to take a few shots (verbal, of course), you can probably come out ahead...and with the bike.

A lot of women don't understand that they can get what they want from a man if they will just listen and care about what he has to say on the matter. Often, a man will see it your way if you will at least give him a chance to tell you how he sees it. After he has a chance to articulate his position, he will often find that as he listens to himself, it all sounds pretty stupid and he concedes the point. So, let him talk himself into it.

And, never gloat or claim victory. In fact, reward him for being reasonable, thoughtful, and kind.

Answer 3

It sounds like his view of you differs quite a bit from your view of yourself. Perhaps some of the things he had observed about you had made him feel that you don't "stick" with things for very long. It's not necessarily a bad trait - and one that can be misunderstood. I tend to get into differnt things at different times of my life, but I don't feel like I need to make any one of them a "lifetime committment" - and I've been criticized by other people for not "following through". In fact, whenever I take up something new, my mom sometimes says - oh, well, this won't last long. But I don't really care - I have fun with something for a while, and then switch to something else. At some point, a few years ago, I took up running, and did it for two years; then I got bored. For a couple of years after that, I got into fencing and swordplay; that was a lot of fun, but then I gradually switched to other interests when I got married. I've kept different types of pets, and was an aquarium affictionado for a while. My reading interests keep changing, too - for a year I will be reading nothing but history, and then will switch to biology and science books. So what if you want to try different things? Why is it so bad? Your husband probably didn't mean it in a negative way - but perhaps you yourself feel it is a negative trait to want to experience the full variety of things that life has to offer. What your husband does need to understand is that something like a bike is not a big deal; he may make a gentle observation that this bike might not get used much - but it shouldn't prevent you two from acquiring one. If it sticks - great; have fun. If after a while you feel like it's not "your thing" - there's no shame in it; just sell it on craigslist. No biggie! The fact that you're not going to ride this bike for the rest of your life should not stop you from giving it a try. Lighten up, talk to your husband, and look for an inexpensive used bike in the paper or on craigslist. Good luck.

Answer 4

If this is unlike him, then maybe there's something else on his mind and the whole bike thing is just a symptom of it. When was the last time the two of you had a real talk? If he got so angry, then either there's something brewing just below the surface, or he's feeling upset about something else. Honestly, I'd get the bike, but I's talk to him more to try to find out where the whole anger thing came from.

Answer 5

Men are idiots... I am 27 also and use to tell my hubby i wanted a bike too.. and he said he would get me one when we bought our first house... well we did... and no bike... then he kept changing his mind. He complains about my clutter and my stuff i have had for years... those things are precious to me and I am not about to throw them away... Some people are collectors of stuff others are ones that throw things away and have no attachment fo objects. i say go on craigs list and try to find a used bike... and try it out for awhile.... and if you decide that you dont like it... go back on craigslist and sell it or give it away so it doesnt collect what he calls clutter. and if that dont work.. run over his big toe and tell him to shut up.

Answer 6

Maybe it is tine to clear out a little not so sentimental clutter, but make an agreement that he'll have to get rid of his too, and you'll get your bike. Try and reach a compromise.

Answer 7

he does not support u in things, maybe he is seeing himself in u, that u are trying to loose, and thinks because he has been unsuccessful that u will be too, maybe he thinks if u loose weight and he doesn't that it will somehow threaten the marriage, think he is insecure about himself. it never makes for a wonderful marriage when we are criticized for keeping childhood toys, just think he is basically selfish, probably has alot of stuff of his own hanging around cluttering up stuff. he is judging u by what he has done.

Answer 8

Simple......................... Do your housework!

Get rid of the things that you don't have any use for. Have a garage sale or something. Make room for that bike you want.

p.s. His frustrations could be from his own desire to get fit, all the time he has put in it, along with your support cheering him on. Now your gonna go out and show him how its done.

Answer 9

Sounds like he just had a bad day . Maybe he loves you the way you are . It also sounds like he wont's to save a little money so he can get you out of the hood.

Answer 10

just try to go to the gym somewhere close. Dont argue this issue with him. Just try to show what you mean by your actions because sometimes actions work WAY better than words. Try to talk him out and make him talk about his problem . and tell him exactly what you wrote here. I hope this helps. Good luck...!!!