could weight gain be bothering hubby?

Question

I am wondering whether my weight gain has made me less attractive to hubby as he always seems to brush me off and say he's watching a movie, or rather "I thought we were watching the movie" to me. We have a tv in our bedroom, it went in there after we moved into our new place a month ago against my wishes--I've heard TV decreases intimacy and I really believe it from past experience. So I told him I didn't want it in there and he goes, well fine I'll take it out of there and sell it and sell all my movies. I dont expect him to sell the tv or any of the movies. Can't he watch movies in the living room? And how do I break his habit of watching them in the bedroom? I dont see whats wrong with watching TV in the living room and talking in the bedroom. Should reading be banned from the bedroom too? Does anyone think reading in the bedroom could be an intimacy breaker? I dont know whats wrong that hubby pushes me away. He's complaining he used to have fun when he was single.

He says he used to hang out with his friends all the time and watch movies at home when he lived with his parents. I dont know if he just isnt used to being married or what. We've only been married 2 years but we were together 9 years before that. I dont think I'm keeping him from seeing his friends.

hell yeah hes bein selfish he knows im upset tonight and hes just gone to bed for like an hour i dont know if hes sleeping but if he dont want to talk about it then he sure is being selfish

i do care about our relationship will look up that book and we have already thought about counseling we aint ready to give up...i sure aint i been with him 10 years wont throw it all away without a fight

Answer 1

Dear Trishay, ......If there is ONE thing. Just ONE THING I could drive home to ALL those that submit questions about how other significant others may be thinking about them, or, what they may be thinking, or why they are doing this, or doing that........I would just love to wave a wand and say;

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E!!!!!

Ask your husband directly if any weight gain you have sustained has affected his attraction to you. You communicate this to him, and try to get him to communicate jsut as well.

Dear, so many of us can speculate as to why your husband shows lack of interest. Some truly care and want to answer and give you good feedback, and some people don't care in here and like to exploit the travails and concerns of others.

I can only tell you as a man whom has been married before, and had I guess an appropriate amount of relationships, girlfriends either short term or more involved ans growing up with of course 5 weight conscious Sisters and being the only Brother that I can relate by experience that I know how a woman's self-image means so much, and often times; especially when involved with a man,......love interest, ..........significant other, .......that how he responds to her tends to define a woman's worth as to what is pleasing to the eye. I know men can say volumes by not saying positive things and using "poor communication" as a ruse to deflect the responsibility of honesty.

I know honesty hurts a woman, and just the same, not being honest hurts. I know us men [ I don't include myself in this stereotype] can be cruel in passive-neglective-aggresive ways.

For me, when I have been in a relationship inparticular where I had a beautiful [to me] looking significant other whom had put on weight, and was concerned how I saw her and how she felt, I told her that she is just as beautiful as she was before, but, yes; she had gained some weight, and that I could understand her insecurity yet I assured her she was just as attractive, and yet I understood she would feel better if she lost weight and if she would feel better emotionally/mentally, I would stand by her side and encourage her and I would offer to diet with her so she knew I was with her and not standing away from her and waiting for a perfection I never sought in her.

So, with this said; find out if he is man enough to communicate to you, and the heck with the T.V. - As far as I am concerned that went out with an episode of "All In The Family" when Edith tried to get him to notice her. He used the T.V. excuse as to why he would not take notice and committ to her needs. A typical escape tactic. But, give him credit;.......he also probably knows very well that if he were to tell you about your weight [if it is the issue] , you may feel hurt. It's a no win situation for most men that don't know how to properly address their wives with adoration and kit gloves.

You know if you have gained weight, and if it is bothering you, and you simutaneously see a change in his behavior and his interactions with you have decrescendoed [lessened, dropped, diminished] then your Women's Intuition is working at 100%.

However; embrace yourself now and love yourself just as much as you did when you were at your prior weight and physique, or at your favorite dress size. This will make it much easier to lose this weight if it is your goal to do so, but, don't hinge your Husband's level of acceptance of you as the validating point as to if you are succeeding or not. Hopefully other things are not and have not gone awry with him.

Other things to consider are;

(1) Has his notions of being married caused him the need to see himself as a different type of person in the title role as Husband vs. a Single man? Another good question to ask in the quest for "good communication".

(2) Is he bored with married life or does he see it as a predictable mundane existence? Maybe a nice weekend romantic getaway is in order for the both of you?

(3) How is his health? Has he lost interest in other things he has enjoyed in his life prior such as fishing, DIY projects, hobbies, etc? Depending on his age, and many women don't know this; men begin to go through the female equivelent of Menopause from their mid-30s to mid-40s called "Andropause". This is when the Testosterone levels begin to drop, and men begin to lose interest in many things they used to enjoy.

I would agree he needs to get out and away from the bedroom except for more passionate purposes and maybe an allowable and accepatable "now and then" time to watch T.V.

Anyway; yes a long answer as are most all my answers. I give my best and share the best of my insights from my life's experiences and hypervigilant ability to observe and learn from others.

I wish you the best and hope your answer will be answered honestly by him. Above and beyond that, I hope you can rekindle your marriage and get him away from the idiot box.

Answer 2

Honey! It doesn't aid intimacy or sleep. It's not your weight etc. He's acting selfish. Said those things because he's immature and sulking. Don't try to complain when the tv goes on it won't help. Get the TV out Pronto! You may as well have a disagreement with it out of the room as in.
You should talk it over. However talk to him like guys do. Short precise words don't go on and on. lower your tone too. Guys hear nagging like a nat buzzing and will do anything to remove themselves from the area including offending you.
The bedroom is a joint space for intimate things. Only time a tv should be in is during the day if one is bed ridden then I'd think twice about it.
Try give him an alternative thing to keep him amused make yourself very seductive. Pick the best time not when he's getting ready for a movie. Plan alternate activities. ie 1 night you one night TV together. if getting it out of the room doesn't work. Or if all else fails and the TV has not been thrown out move into your own bedroom.
I hope some of this helps.
Good Luck Lynda.

Answer 3

Yes these things could be smashing your relationship and i think that a vacation is in order where you can relax and there isn't any type of television or games involved where you can just focus on each other. Think that two days or a week of that would make things work out a bit. This is where compromise comes in when you are married to someone or living with someone. Compromise is the key to the door of your prayers being answered!

Answer 4

I think you have the right idea. I got divorced because of all this. He was not an emotionally intimate person, and when I put on a little weight, the ex could not find it in himself to be attracted to me. I now have someone who adores me and is hot for me for myself as a whole, not my body. And he has an enormous capacity for true intimacy. I LOVE HIM!

Answer 5

Just give him time your weight is fine !

Answer 6

if 10lbs gain not really, but 20+ lbs it could be a problem for him.

Answer 7

Move on.

Answer 8

hmmmn, Maybe. But ask him, he may going thru a faze..lol.

Answer 9

no