my husband has this friend(female) who is being abused by her husband. she constantly is calling him to talk about her problems even in the middle of the night. he doesn't hide anything about it from me. but one of the reasons her husband gets so pissed is b/c of her talking to him, he has acussed them many times of sleeping together but they both deny it. now he is constantly driving by the house to see if he is home. there was even one night that he left to go to her house at like 2:30 b/c she called crying b/c her husband had beat her, but she won't leave him. am i in the wrong by asking him to stop talking to her? he says they are friends and he doesn't want to blow her off, that she needs him right now. i may be selfish but i see it as not my problem and if her life was that bad she could get divoreced!
2007-02-25 15:17:23 · 4 answers · asked by kchase 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No and I would demand that he stop not only is he hurting you but he is endangering both of your lives the other man is basically already stalking your husband because he thinks his wife is cheating with him.I would have to give an ultimatum either you stop running every time she calls or I am leaving you.put it bluntly it is either her or me!!!end of story
2007-02-26 01:07:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has NOTHING do with jealousy. This is a situation that could potentially be dangerous for her AND the both of you. BUT, your husband needs to show where his loyalty really lies, you or her. And IF he really wants to be a true friend to her, he needs to stop being at her every beckon call. She will never leave her husband if she has someone that's going to fall for her crocodile tears. There are organizations and law enforcement to help her get through this. And what kind of a true friend is she being to him by pestering him with her problems and especially excluding you? You should NEVER feel second to any other woman. Maybe there was once something between them? Talk to him and tell him that you are sympathetic to what she's going through, but this has got to stop. Make it clear that it IS and WILL cause problems in your marriage. Learn how to lay down the law...
Good luck to you.
2007-02-26 02:36:11 · answer #2 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you do not know your husband's friend or do not know her well. If my husband had a female friend who was calling him all the time and he went to this friend's house 2:30 am, I would be furious. Not necessarily at him, but at the situation his friend has created. Sounds like your husband is truly trying to help his friend by listening to her problems, but it doesn't seem to be helping because, apparently, the abuse continues and her calls continue. So how is he really helping? If I were you, I would point out that he should try to convince his friend to call an abuse hotline for help. Even if she doesn't want, for whatever reason, to leave her husband, the help line people are trained to try to help women in her situation. See if you can find the phone number and give it to your husband to give to her. That's what they are there for. Also, when your husband goes to his friend's house, he could be placing himself in a potentially dangerous situation. An abusive husband has mental problems. His anger may sometime be vented on your husband as well since the friend's husband thinks they are having an affair. It seems that all those calls to your husband are "adding fuel to the fire" and just making her husband angrier. So, those calls are not helping her situation at all. Try to get your husband to point these things out to his friend and convince her to call the abuse hotline. In addition, next time the friend calls your husband, if I were you, I would talk to the friend myself, even if you don't know her. Tell her you are sorry for her problems but you think she needs help, not just a shoulder to cry on -- that all these calls are just making things worse for her. Urge her to call the abuse line to at least learn what to do if the abuse gets worse. From what I have heard, it usually does. Your husband should understand that you are trying to help him help his friend. If he doesn't want you to talk to her, I would wonder why. Surely, he can't be happy with the situation as it is. Obviously (and understandably) you aren't happy with all of this, and his first priority should be you. You are not selfish. You are right. Good luck!
2007-02-26 04:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If abusive relationships were that easy to get out of then there wouldn't be any need for women's shelters and abuse hot-lines, and I wouldn't trust the abusive husbands accusations (he probably just wants an excuse to hit his wife but they usually don't need much of one). Is your husband just the type of man who tries to help people when he thinks he can?
I understand your concerns about him getting so deeply involved in her problems but if it was your friend wouldn't you do the same? Have you asked him if there is anything you can do to help? Maybe reach out to her. He's right when he tells you that she needs all the friends she can get. If you work together maybe you can help her get out of that situation and then when she's back on her own two feet her friendship with your husband will be less intense and maybe you'll have a new friend as well.
2007-02-26 02:25:08 · answer #4 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋