Affairs. Why do a lot of people get judgemental?

Question

I wrote a question here earlier today and was amazed how self-rightess some answers were. Some were offensive. It sounds like some people think that they are perfect and they would never do anything wrong (e.g-cheat on anyone, etc). I just want to know what makes you so sure that you "know it all"? Have you ever thought that if you judge other people, then you are inviting a similar reaction on yourself?

Is it because you feel threatened?
Is it because morals is all you have?
Or you don't have a heart to be understanding?

Answer 1

When people think about somebody else having an affair, they automatically think about what it would be like to be the victim and they empathize heavily with people who have been cheated on. People like to believe that they would never do that to anybody else. It's not until you're actually in such a situation that you can understand why anybody would ever cheat.

Answer 2

Sorry you get no sympathy here. No person is perfect that is true. Infidelity hurts so many people, not to mention you made a vow to be faithful to your husband. If you weren't going to honor your promise you should have told him and left him first. At least then he would know instead of being blindsided. I've been married probably longer than you've been alive. Have I ever been tempted to stray? You bet I have. I'm not dead just married. The difference is I made a choice not to. I made a promise before God and my family to be true to him. There were no conditions on the promise. It didn't say unless you're not happy or someone that attracts you comes along. You did the wrong thing and you know it unless you are completely without a sense of right or wrong. As for all the people that came down on your head about it; if you don't want to take the heat for what you did why in the world would you put it on the internet where so many people will see it and have an opportunity to speak to you? Next time you do something like this, if you don't want to hear about it don't put it out there to be ridiculed. Go to one of your friends that will pat you on the head and say that's ok we all make mistakes.

Answer 3

Cheating is a low form of disrespect--for all the people involved--including the cheater. I did not answer but if you ask a question of a lot of people, you will get a lot of answers---whether you like them or not. If you want people to say that doing something wrong is OK--I don't know who would say that--it is a basic concept---do the right thing. Consider the treatment you get---don't want to find out a partner is cheating on you--how would you like it--might as well steal your money or kill your dog--it is the same thing--it is all wrong. I did wrong and I did stupid stuff---I was wrong--hurt others and I am now sorry I ever did those things--certainly doesn't feel very good, now. Yes you can judge me if you want, I just read the comment you made and tried to explain how I feel about the issue. I guess some people must have extremely strong feelings and expressed them to you--may be they have been cheated or betrayed and still feel awful about it. Anyway, good luck to you.

Answer 4

Any question in this category will receive subjective answers. The topic of cheating brings out strong emotions in people. Also, you can pretty much say anything you want in here. You probably wouldn't get the same reaction in others if you asked them in person.

However, in honoring wedding vows, people strive to live a more honest and noble life - one that they can be proud of. It is a choice that I have made. Everyone has thought or fantasized about cheating - and probably the same about murder. Hopefully not both in the same fantasy. Cheating is called cheating for a reason. You are cheating someone else - usually someone that loves you. Many are repulsed by this.

Most in here don't think they know it all. But many do at least try to answer your questions. Even if you don't like the answers - maybe at least they might give you something to think about... from anothers' perspective and perhaps even from another culture.

Answer 5

I agree with Kellie. I mean, why do people ask a question and get all bent out of shape when we don't tell you what you want to hear? Some people like myself have strong beliefs, and if you don't want to hear other's experiences or opinions, then I suggest that you don't ask. When did cheaters ever have a good reputation in the first place? So you think your affair is ok and don't have the right to get judged? We live in a judgemental society....

Answer 6

Probably most of us have an instinctive defense mechanism to try and protect our relationships and attack any point of view which if applied to our case would be regarded as a threat.
To make it worse the defence mechanism is very one sided because it is only about protecting what I want. Somebody tries to steal my wife is a threat but somebody tries to seduce me is flattering and I can handle it is a typical reaction I would guess.
As much as anything, a relationship is a huge investment of time, energy, money, emotion etc. and seeing that investment threatened generates a defensive response. The feelings of the "other woman or man" do not come into the equation other than as the enemy or threat which needs to be dealt with.

Answer 7

Sorry i didn't see your question today but you did ask the people in here so you should thank them for there opinion . But like the self righteous person that you are your only going to agree with what you wont to hear because you are rite and everybody is wrong .

I think they are self righteous if they are not cheaters .If you wont to be a low life cheating whore then get use to the name calling and the judgment on you by your fellow human beings it comes with the job

Answer 8

Well, Mrs. Macey, the good book usually states you do unto others as you would want sone unto you. So would you prefer he cheated on you? If you cheated, you weren't happy anyway. It should never lead to that, before getting help, and having open lines of communiction. So for future references, try talking it out so you won't feel as bad next time. Leave if you're that un-happy. Because, personally I don't think people take vowels serious when they make them now days. One vowel you stated was for better or worse. You obviously weren't ready for the worse! Be Blessed!

Answer 9

Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind to cheat on my wife. Why? Because she is the only woman I've ever been with and the curiosity is killing me. Plus there are tons of women at work that keep hitting on me. This is what is causing me so much frustration.

So I can understand why some people cheat. Most people on this forum are very hypocritical about this. Saying that their marriage is perfect or all that bunk. Plus they always talk about how "sacred" marriage is and how much their "vows" mean to them. Whatever.

Sometimes doing everything right and always playing by the rules makes for a boring life.

Notice, when these people were single, they had rules also, like no premarital sex, but that rule is always ignored in the name of "sowing wild oats". Yet, when they get married, people on here all of a sudden gain "morals" and put you down for asking how to live it up a little (sex with other women for example) even if you are married.

Life is about doing what makes you happy, and as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, then screw the rules. I've been a straight arrow for too long and I have this burning desire to live it up before its too late.

Yes, I have talked to my wife about my issues and we have come to some agreements. I am lucky to have such a supporting wife that listens to me no matter how crazy I am.

Answer 10

Affairs themselves are offensive. If you are going to admit to an affair you'll have to be prepared for the fact that some won't be nice about it, and that affairs are indefensible. If you don't want to be with someone you're with, you leave. Case closed. Besides, many people WOULDN'T cheat on someone they are with, they would leave, like an honorable person. This question you are asking now is just to salve your conscience, but you deserve to hurt.

Answer 11

i guess people are judge mental because they have been hurt by affairs, and their lives and marriages have been destroyed by them. affairs are wrong, they hurt people, and it is hard to be open minded if u have suffered as a result of an affair, it is hard to find reasons why an affair isn't wrong. no one is perfect not at all, guess everyone has their own reality about how they want to see things.