SERIOUS guy problem, I been with him for YEARS please help?

Question

I want to leave sooooooooooo bad. I feel stuck though and wont move. I know, its stupid. I deserve better and hes horrible but I just cant bring myself to leave and I know I owe it to myself to. I KNOW he is wrong for me but I cant get over the fact that he's just easy and Im use to him....etc. So many reasons why I think we should be together but Im sick of working towards bettering the relationship on my own. im ready to leave but my feet wont move HOW DO I LEAVE

Answer 1

wow. you could be me. good luck with this. you will get some great advice if people on here are true to form. The thing is, the greatest advice in the world is useless, garbage, if you won't take it.

So--don't be like me--read the advice, pick what works best for you, and follow through, for goodness' sake.

Answer 2

You need to find someone that you remember who struggled with a breakup about a year ago. Look at them. I bet they are happy now in a new relationship.

It may be easy to stay but it is easier to leave. The first few weeks may be hard, but in the end you have the rest of your life.

Get advice from people around you. Be prepared when you tell him you are leaving. Have money sorted, accomodation available. Then do something that you cannot back out of. Tell a friend you are doing it, then get them to help you.

Most important is never look back. Take the step. Get out and keep walking!

Good luck. Be strong.

Answer 3

You will just have to get over the fear of being on your own and/or starting over with someone new.
It's very easy to live with someone that you don't love anymore just because you're used to them and it's "comfortable". And please, don't mistake comfortable for happy!
Just make up your mind that you deserve and WANT better, and then do it. Until you really want it bad enough, you won't make the change. And the longer you wait, the more you'll regret that time lost when you finally do leave.
I spent 7 years with one woman before I finally had had enough. When it was over (for good), it was awkward at first but it passed. When I had finally gotten past the shock and finally being free, I thought about how much of my life I had wasted hoping that it would get better. To this day, it still bothers me.
Don't wait any longer. Make the change. It will be hard at first, but you deserve better now, not later.
Good Luck!!

Answer 4

This is a tough question to answer without knowing you. There are so many factors that will affect which decisions you should make, and how you should make them.

What I recommend is seeing a therapist. I know, it sounds like a cheap answer here, but I promise you it isn't. There are obviously a lot of issues holding you back, and there is no way for you to identify them all here in this forum. A therapist will be able to help you get to the bottom of your fears and anxieties, and help you to figure out what YOU need to do to get yourself out of this situation. "How" to do this is individual-specific. Pay your doctor a visit and ask him/her for some help. They should be able to refer you to someone who can help you.

Also, if your boyfriend abuses you, then your out might be even more simple than this. Call the police and ask to talk to a victim advocate. They can help get you out. Also, get more information on domestic violence at the website below. They even have a number you can call for further information if you click on the box toward the top that says "Protect Yourself."

I wish you luck! The longer you are with someone, the harder it is to leave. But you can do it! Many people in the same situation do.

Answer 5

Every trip and every endeavor in life starts with that very first step--and then one after the other, you are moving. Have you tried arranging for where you will go? You have to have a plan. And you are entitled to leave--he CANNOT hold you there, if he wanted you so bad he should have worked at keeping you happy. What is the problem? You have a self confidense issue, that's all--so stand up, say ggod bye, relax, take a break, and move on--good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have totally immersed yourself in this guy who you know is wrong for you. You're being selfish by trying to avoid the pain that is inevitable. Get yourself into other things that you enjoy, things that you have probably left aside. It's easy to get comfortable, but wrong to stay with someone for that reason. There is someone more compatible out there for both of you, and you're just delaying finding that person. Take a class, call all those girlfriends that you never talk to anymore, spend time with family members...oh and buy yourself a good breakup album.

Answer 7

It will happen soon, and it will be somewhat natural. Its hard to hurt someone when you have a plan to leave and they don't know. One day he will see that you are thinking of something bad and he will ask "Whats wrong" or something to that effect. You can tell him then I say......Don't stay with him just so he won't be hurt. I'm sure deep down he wants you to be happy....Both people should be happy in a relationship, not just 1.

Answer 8

First make sure you have a place to run to...Then pack your stuff and be gone. If this is something you need to do, you need to put one foot in front of the other and walk...Dont be afraid, your sanity is more important and if he didn't want to help fix this, someone needs to take the first step. It will be hard at first, as you said your use to him, it will get easier with time...So get yourself together and make that move....

Answer 9

Sounds like you are to scared to move on. It's easier to stay where your not having to try something new. It's easier to go back than move forward that takes effort and it sounds like you may not be wiling to put the effort in to it. Get off your rear and make a happier life for yourself. You need to care about yourself happiness, and make it top priority

Answer 10

Just tell the irrational part of your brain to shut the hell up! Afterwards, leave the bastard and have your pick from among the 3 BILLION men in the world!! If you're one of those people who say, "I'm afraid to be alone," I just blew that theory right across the water.

You're welcome.

You only get one shot at life. Don't blow it, kid.