i was married 24 yrs have 4 children......even though the hubby and i had our ups and down i thought us happy..i always tried to talk about things that would come up and thought we handled our problems and then put them behind us well hubby was out of work for a year got a job at a dept store where this young girl worked ...anyway he had an affair and even though before i actually found out i asked him what was going on because i had a feeling his reply was how could you accuse me of that shes only 21 im 42 come on....well after i found out i wanted to work it out and i thought he did too....he didnt ..he left and a week later moved in with this girl...he shows no guilt no remorse and has even been very hurtful to me....how when he knows he broke my heart????
2007-02-25 14:45:11 · 12 answers · asked by never m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im sorry, it sounds like a man that does not have God in his life. You dont need some one that is going to do things like that to you. just pray for a good God fearing man, and im sure you will find what you are looking for.
2007-02-25 14:49:51 · answer #1 · answered by gary r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your question is how he could do this. I can't answer you. Men, people do these thing for so many selfish reasons. If there was an answer there would also be a way to stop it from happening. If you're asking what you should do now. I have to say let him go. You can't do anything else at this point. He's at that point in his life where he feels he's getting old. Being with this woman makes him feel young again. Don't worry he will end up getting burned. That young woman will soon see just how young she is. If you're smart enough to divorce him and hit him with a hefty alimony and child support payment. She will see it even sooner. You need to let them both know the cost one pays to cheat. Not only have they destroyed a marriage but they ruined a family. This has to come with a cost. By letting him just walk back into your lives carefree without any real regrets or remorse. You're telling him what he did is OK. Not only this time but anytime. He lied about her the first time you asked. He left you for her. Now he's being a jerk about the whole thing. Trust me when I tell you let him go. Just make sure he knows exactly what he threw away. Which is a loving family and the security of growing old emotionally and financially secure.
2007-02-25 23:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by quel772o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this sure hits home for me. I was married for 28 years and I was the one who got ill. He had an affair which broke my heart. I was the one who left and got the divorce. We are friends now and I still love him always will. He is 55 and she is 27. After 3 years of being divorced he tells me what a mistake he made. That is something he has to deal with. I have my own life now and I really enjoy it. The hurt does pass. Don't give him the power to hurt you. At least don't let him know. Good Luck
2007-02-25 23:22:38 · answer #3 · answered by kellyfl59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men don't realize what a good woman is. They get a warped idea that women were put on earth to be nothing more than a forever 20 something body with a 24 hour desire to provide sexual pleasure. It is a mentality that will catch up to him eventually. That twenty something child will also get tired of being used and want more out of life or better yet - she may find out that your hubby can't compete with some younger stud that catches her eye. Don't be surprised if hubby comes by or calls later on saying he made a mistake and wants to come back. It happens usually when the cute little girl sees him for what he is or she does to him what he did to you. If he does decide to stick it out with his new little play toy, count yourself lucky that you don't have him in your life anymore. Those type of men are a dime a dozen and you deserved better than him anyway. A faithful wife is worth ten of those little barbie dolls running around out there. Sooner than later those fake boobs start sagging and those cute little rose tattoos start looking like a picture of your Aunt Fanny with male hormone problems. Many of those little cuties can't boil water without scalding themselves. It hurts now, but it will get better.
2007-02-25 23:15:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard my husband cheated on me 3 times and we did work it out. The way he is being is not right, but ya'll do have kids together and most men will not tell you the truth my advise to you is move on and he will try to come back and then you will not want him , if he is treating you that way you don't need him . and if he is 42 and she is 21 she still likes to party and do other things that he has already done and it won't work .Do what you have to but, start living your life and you will see that it may be so much better than what you had to start with .It is hard but, you will pull through for your kids and yourself
2007-02-25 22:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by want to know 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry that this had to happen to you. i don't know why he's acting like that. it may be his way of dealing with the guilt, though. men are especially known for hiding their feelings of guilt and remorse by protecting their pride and hurting other people, especially the ones they care the most about. he doesn't want to admit that he's wrong. he'll come around, though, especially if you give him time, if you want to work it out with him. i am sorry, though, i hope this helps at least a little bit!
2007-02-25 22:51:41 · answer #6 · answered by jenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the thrill of the case blinds men and women alike, when you find couples involved in relationships which have lasted 10 to 20 plus year you find alot of motives to infidelity, one they think they have everything figured out so they want to try and express the same feelings and actions that made their relationship successful,
second they fill that because due to their mature or immature age they have an edge on sexual prowess over a younger person which is false!! the younger person will soon find out the truth and ole super stud is out on the lawn.
his lack of remorse is control you allow him to have over you. i know you have a lot invested in your relationship with the kids and all but to allow him to know your hurting still will only provide him with a thrill of cheating that he has been using from the start..
your healing will never begin as long as you continue to allow him to control your feelings and fear.
You control your feelings and your path!!!!!!!!!!! don't allow him the pleasure to hurt you anymore!!!!!!!
2007-02-25 23:02:34 · answer #7 · answered by kiphyn b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's not going to care, and i wouldnt worry about it. if he's not sorry and doesnt want to reconcile, then get a divorce and family lawyer and get custody and child support. You'll see how fast she'll dump him when his money flow starts going to you and not her. And btw its not your fault, he's filthy for doing this to you. I think you should seek counseling just to make sure you talk to your children in the right way, dnt slander him in front of them, very important. You can get alimony, child support and the house, you will be fine, and she will dump him and you shouldnt take him back....
2007-02-25 22:50:30 · answer #8 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he feels guilty. but what 42 year old man wouldn't want a 21 year old trophy on his arm. you need to get into counseling asap. you aren't at fault here. he is. no one can tell you what his reasons for hurting you are. only him. he has to live with that. his being hurtful towards you is to pretend to himself that you were the bad person not him. its complicated that's why you need to talk to someone who can really explain it.
2007-02-25 22:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you could try marriage counseling.. or separate for a while, but it is rather hard to deal with as it effects your children.
you could try praying though, or seek help from close friends or relatives.
i'm really sorry you had to go through such hardship.
hang in there though, you have to be strong for your children..
2007-02-25 22:59:12 · answer #10 · answered by lim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋