If you could give marriage advice to the 20-somethings about to get married...what would it be?
I'm asking because I didn't comprehend what it meant to be married...especially that young. I know now...but not sure what I would tell others contemplating it.
2007-02-25 14:20:49 · 13 answers · asked by hcwwur 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marriage is not dating. When your mad or whenhe/she says somethind stupid you cant just avoid that person for a while, or decide you don't wanna "date" anymore.
Marriage is not all love and passion. It's dirty dishes, smelly underwear and bad breath.
Marriage is not co-dependancy. It's two independant, strong people who now stand stronger as a team, but that does not diminish each others independance.
Marriages do not come pre-package with the happily ever after ending. You have to be open, honest and upfront about your goals, strengths, and weaknesses in order to devise a plan to get there and stick to it.
2007-02-25 14:31:43 · answer #1 · answered by limgrn_maria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) Get to know the background and history of your intended by meeting the potential in laws early in the relationship and, if possible, some of the long-time friends. When you do, remember that the family and the friends s/he has chosen say a ton about who s/he is on an every-day basis, not just when they are alone with you. Ask about what s/he did in high school and suggest that you look at the old yearbooks together. In other words, learn as much as you can about where this girl/boy came from. Take all of that information and ponder it deeply.
2) Be sure that you explore all the things that are truly important to you BEFORE you get engaged: religion, children, politics, career, ethics, sex, hobbies, etc. Don't ignore the small stuff either because it's all small stuff. "We can work it out later..." is a really BAD idea.
3) Danger signs: "I don't want to talk about that" - "I don't know why I do it, I just do" - "People say that I have trouble staying focussed, but they don't understand...oh, look, there's a chicken!" - "Your family is really weird and I don't like being around any of them" - "We don't need to talk about that now" - "I don't know...I'll have to think about that" - "S/he doesn't mean anything to me any more, but I do need to see her/him every so often." (Among many...if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.)
4) An engagement should last at least a year.
And, no, I didn't do most of those things. That's why I think they are so important.
2007-02-25 23:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married by 20......divorced by 23........
Married again by 25.......going strong.......
I personally think that there should be a rule about marrying to young . My best advice........MAKE SURE the realationship is strong on BOTH ends . Take it as seriously as you would anything else . And if all else fails , get a DIVORCE . Not really , but that seems to be the answer to ALOT of people .
If you love someone , then give it your all to make your marriage work . That way , if it doesn't , you can say you tried .
2007-02-25 22:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by Christy & Matt 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 28 and was married for almost nine years. Now, I'm divorced with three kids. What I would say is don't rush into anything. If you really love each other, take the time to really get to know each other through both good and bad times. Make sure the person you're with is someone you'd like to grow old with.
2007-02-25 22:30:58 · answer #4 · answered by pixie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. If you don't TRUST your partner, don't marry. Marriage is hard enough without worrying about a cheating spouse.
2. It is OK to go to bed angry, but don't go to sleep that way.
My wife and I have been married for over 35 years. That advice is tried, tested and proved to be correct, at least so far. I think we might have a chance of making this thing work.
2007-02-25 22:32:48 · answer #5 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well being a old married man my self,, i think i tell them this...... married is a big step, it learning to give anto recieved,,it hard,an the firt 5 year of married is the worse, that the time you learnning to live with some one an their ways,,,too talk a lot, learn , what made the mad, are hurt, an try to steer away for it, to rember you mate also has feelling,,,,,,never go to bed are sleep when in a fight,,,,,,trust is a big thing, too know when you in the wrong an to say sorry, forgive, an dont bring up their past,, for the past is gone, so many get into fight ,on the thing that happen on pass thing,
2007-02-26 10:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did married at a young age of 22 . but the one thing wish i new back then was that i had a better job to support my love. but i did work my *** and i grow up and had a family of my own and now 9 year later i have a good job and happy love life but there was lots of hell to get here. good luck.
2007-02-25 22:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a truly wonderful thing.
But you must be 110% commited to making it work. You must care about the other person more than you care about your self. Marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100.
And above all, show respect for you spouse.
Respect, respect, respect!
2007-02-25 22:28:19 · answer #8 · answered by Raising6Ducklings! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Date for 3-4 years or longer to get to know the person.
2007-02-25 22:24:57 · answer #9 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you have soem type of terminal disease and/or are ugly and marrying the first thing that comes along, wait until you're 30.
2007-02-25 23:01:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋