How do I forgive mom?

Question

I was raised in a very conservative home and was taught that the body is VERY private. I would get slapped if my chest touched my mother's breasts when we hugged. When I was seven I was molested by my unlce. No one knew about it. Later that year I opened the living room curtains, not knowing my mom was in the shower, and when she got out, wrapped in towels to go to her room, she freaked out thinking I was trying to expose her to the neighbors. I was just a kid and had no such thought. As vengeance, one day when the house was full of guests and I was in the shower, she told me to wrap a towel around myself and come out to the living room. When I got there she introduced me to the crowd and then yanked my towel off. I ran away crying and embarrassed. I'm 38 now and didn't realize till today that I've been harboring pain and anger against my mother for it all these years. She has suffered much and cannot endure a confrontation on this, so I need to forgive. How do I let it go?

P.S. I'm a guy

Answer 1

You just do; you may try writing a letter to you mom (although you won't actually give it to her). In that letter, describe the pain that she caused you and how you felt. At the end, tell her that you forgive her. Put the letter in your drawer and when it's bothering you, take it out and read it.

Answer 2

The pain and anger you are harbouring about your mothers treatment is understandable. There is a small child inside of you still feeling hurt and wounded due to your mothers actions. Firstly i feel you must speak to this child within. You are a grown man now and you can comfort your inner child. The letter idea is quite useful to some people; often writing your feelings regarding the situation down helps you to work through it. As for speaking to you mother about how you feel ..... this all depends on what kind of relationship you now have with her. If it has improved over the years, then all well and good. However, most people hate change and i doubt whether your mother has changed that much. The only real peace and resolution you will get is from yourself. You must recognise that your mother does not have the power to relinquish you from your pain, only you have that power. If you expect your mother to help you sort through your pain regarding her behaviour then all you will be doing is handing all your power to her - this is the power she once had when you were a child and look what she did with it then. Good luck

Answer 3

Think about when your mother introduced you to the crowd and then yanked your towel off... the crowd may have laughed but it was not because of you, it was due to being embarrassed that your mother would do such a thing. Your mother appears to have acted in vengeful and childish manner, and this attitude has most likely caused her lost friendships and lost opportunities in her past. Forgiveness does not mean that you should forget it, but it should be something that you learn from so that you do not become the vengeful and childish person that your mother is. Forgiveness means that you have acknowledged that you do not want to act as she has previously acted. Forgiveness doesn't make her a better person; it makes you a better person.

Answer 4

I say forgive! Forget about the whole thing - tho I know that is not easy to do! And move on with your life! Maybe you should be approaching your uncle tho and confronting him with why he abused you the way he did! That is something that you really need to deal with in your life!
Also would like to add that after reading what you wrote that your mother has some serious problems - like I mean she has mental problems if she does things like you wrote about! To hold a grudge and then to do what she did to you to get back at you especially after such a long time had passed - there is definitely some thing wrong there! How can you give somebody a hug without making contact with them or that kind of a fake hug is that if you don't make contact with your bodies! I mean yeah if you were fondling her breasts then for sure you should have been told that was not OK! That is not a very mature attitude your mother has! WOW!!! Scary!
*hugs*

JAC<

Answer 5

Your mother yanked your towel off and you ran away crying and embarrassed. This is what she must have felt when you saw her in the shower. Now the remedy is: beg your mother not to suffer on this. Then your mother's reaction will let go the pain and anger that you have been harborouing all these years - and any other such feelings.

Answer 6

No one gives you guide lines, on how to be the perfect Mom. It sounds as though she was trying to get you back, for opening the curtains when she was in the living room. So if she did it to you, you would know how it feels and never do it again. How sad is that if that's the case.
I'm sure inside that heart of yours you can see a gentle loving mother. Someone who did love you. I have had someone hurt me and how I dealt with it was to pray, and each time I thought of it,I would say Let Go and Let God" Life is to short to hold onto hurts that happened a long time ago, Let Go, If you cannot be happy then no one around you can. Let Go and Let God.

Answer 7

Go for the old tried and true....go see a therapist. Believe it or not, it'll really help. When it comes down to it, you were sexually abused, by your uncle and your mother and those wounds don't heal easily. Seeking help from a professional is the safest way to go to help ensure that you won't start venting your pain from those experiences in an unhealthy way. I also agree with the earlier suggestion to write your mother a letter. The written word, even if it's never shared, is a really powerful thing. Why not write her a letter, or even several, if needed, and get it all out. I harbor a lot of resentment from my father's death and one of the best ways for me to let that out is to keep a journal full of letters I've written him over the years. I feel better about getting it all out in the open and in a way, I feel closer to him for it.

Congratulations, though, on being strong enough to come to this realization on your own....very commendable!

Answer 8

Oh man I am so sorry that a mother could be so cruel. My mother could have been her sister. I think the best way to forgive is to be a better person yourself. Find a kid who has a bad home life and be there for him. Never tell this child about your mistreatment, just do what your (and my) mothers should have. Listen, empathize, and show the child how important they are. Then tell your mother with a little smile of self satisfaction "Thanks mom for teaching me exactly how to give a kid self confidence and self esteem", hug her and walk away, knowing she has to be thinking about the past.. let it go..never think about it again

Answer 9

My best answer that I can think of is write it down again and again....not only what happened but also how you felt. Get as detailed as you need to. I have never been thru even half of what you have been thru and I sympathize greatly...I hope that this helps you and I agree with you not wanting to confront your mother....you are a strong women and this may only cause you more pain

Answer 10

The best way is to try and imagine what she endured as a child to make her the way she was. It had to originate from that, a learned behavior. Feel sorry that she endured something like that too.