how can i get closer to my step sons?

Question

i spend every minute with my chrilden and step chrilden i try to do things they in joy but they just turn me away.

Answer 1

This sort of thing happens more frequently than not. There can be any number of reasons on which I won't digress, but I will say
one of the most important things you can do is be a "friend," not another "mother." The child should never feel you're trying to be their mother. This doesn't mean you don't have an "adult" role. Also, if their mother is still "in the picture," avoid major decisions better made by the mother & father (when this can be reasonably done). Children are usually wiser than we think. They know if you're putting a lot of effort into winning them over, so it's best to simply be yourself. No special favors, or blatant "Let's have fun!" Your feelings have to come from your heart in all sincerity. Depending on their ages, & individual natures, you may expect some time for adjustment, yet not always. My stepson & I were friends from the start, (I was lucky)! I would NOT advise "having a talk" with them. This just makes it an "issue" that compounds any problem you may perceive. Relax. Be who you are.

Answer 2

i'm sorry you could't have your own toddlers. That must be very confusing for you. notwithstanding, that could no longer this youngster's fault. He would nicely be the in effortless words shot you've at raising a baby to be a reliable, good, to blame individual. sure, you may have an similar bond as if he were a blood baby. toddlers do not placed a lot value on that "blood" element. What they care about is who's there for them, who's being concerned for and about them. Mommy is mommy even if you presented him residing house from the wellbeing facility or were given him at 5 years previous. you adore his father. the youngster is a made up of his father. you adore the youngster. Do your acceptable to no longer enable those new thoughts tutor to the youngster. it is going to confuse him. If he lived jointly with his mom for awhile - and now you adult men - he's likely coping with those thoughts in his own way. imagine of all the those that undertake toddlers because they could't have toddlers the organic way. maximum of them have a tendency to ignore the youngsters are followed. Or the various mixed households which have step youthful ones. It would not take biology to be a discern. It takes the day after day loving and care to be a discern. Take heart interior the very truth the he calls you mommy and treats you want a mommy and thinks of you as mommy. would not look he's in touch with the "blood" element. He in simple terms needs a good kin with a mommy. you're it. he's your "definitely" baby. he's a baby you're taking care of and about. the position he got here from truly isn't all that significant. Love him, take care of him, tutor him, help him. at the same time as he grows as a lot as be President, or locate the remedy for cancer - you'd be the proud one.

Answer 3

You didn't say how old they are. If they are pre-teens or teens, it isn't just you. Most 12 - 17 year olds prefer to do things with their friends and not with their parents or grandparents. If they are under the age of 11, you should be able to reach them better. One nice thing to do might be plan a family "adventure." Ask each child to write down some place in the local area that they'd like to go and where they'd like to eat. Make a "Michael Day" or a "Julie Day". "Timmy Day" might be ice skating at a local rink, and lunch at McDonalds, if that was Timmy's choice. If you do this for your children AND your steps, you may eventually get them to really enjoy being with you.

Answer 4

The kids may be going through mixed feeling of loyalty to there mom and having trouble with accepting you because of this. Just be yourself and treat them as you would your own chilld.

Answer 5

When you say you spend every minute with your kids and stepkids, that makes me think you might be going overboard on time with them. My own children like their space. I am engaged myself to a man with kids. While his kids don't live with him, we do spend time with them. I will be their step-mother soon. I relate very well with my future step-son, but my fiance's daughter on the other hand, frequently gives me the cold shoulder. I have been told that she likes me. Her personality is such that she is shy and quite simply just doesn't have much to say to anyone, including her own parents. I have also been told by my fiance that his kids like me, but at times they think I am "too nice". I have learned that they simply don't need me to be so "nice" all the time and so helpful. They just want me to relax around them. Are your step-sons 12 or older? If so, it's normal behavior to be a little stand-offish. If you are not smothering them by spending SO much time with them, if you are not doting on them too much, and if you are pleasant and allow them to just be themselves and they STILL turn you away, then I would have a talk with your husband and ask him to talk to his kids, privately, to try to figure out why they are acting this way toward you. It may be nothing personal at all. Kids just sometimes don't feel the need to work at relationships the way we adults do. What bothers you may not even bother them in the slightest. I would first just try to relax around them and stop trying so hard. That in itself CAN turn kids off of adults who do that. I wish you all the best. Hope things work out for you and your family.

Answer 6

I'm a step daughter and there may be two things
1-they are angry becuz they feel as you broke their home..
2-their mom taughts them to think bad of you..

whatever the deal is about.. try talking to them.. and getting close to them by tickling them if they are little or asking them what they want to do on saturdays... (if ur kids get jealous tell them about your plan)

Answer 7

You can't force a relationship. Just give them time to come around.

Answer 8

Stop trying so hard and let their dad and mother deal with them. My boys call their step mother a try hard and smiley her name because it rhymes they r nice to her because they r nice to everybody but they hate her for trying to be their mum. So you need to be their friend my step mother had this just perfect she gives me time with my dad she lets my dad love me and she keeps out unless asked in try being like her it works so well.

Answer 9

It is not easy but you just have to show that you love them as much as you love your own kids. Sometimes it is hard for them to understand that it is possible for you to do so because they are kids but just don't treat them differently and always be there for them

Answer 10

i feel you should sit them down and tell them how you feel and give them some space so take your time with them so stop trying to be there step mother and mother and try to be there friend first then step mother and mother