My poem - could you give, suggestions opinions?

Question

Weeds cry

Dry, dry, brown, crackly, dead stalks, dry.
Yet dear weed, you lift your green head to the sky
Thunder rolls it beats the sky
Clouds getting darker they roll by.
Cats and kittens and many a child
Will hide as thunder gets so wild
Soon the rain, the skies will cry
All gone the brown, the dry, dry.

Oh weed, other plants will now bloom
Your time alone, the only green, will be gone soon
People pour out to feel the rain.
Farmers, gardeners will feel less pain
Colours of every kind will abound
Beauty once more will be all around
Yet will any-one remember the weed
Yes, I’ll look forward to your new seed

I'm Australian and it's the end of a hot summer.

Answer 1

It really need work. and it's very ordinary. Not to say you did not put thought into this, but it's rather trite, at least in my opinion. If I give you too many suggestions or my actual opinion beyond what I have said, I am fairly sure, like so many others on this site, you will become very angry. Here is the deal: People always claim to want honest opinion and critiques on their poetry and other writings, and then when they get it, most become very angry/emotional, and begin reporting those who do not like their poetry, and then begin insulting those people. I am not saying you would do this, but I think it's best not to ask others what they think unless you are prepared for real criticism and can take those opinions that are not necessarily flattering to your owrk. I find most people cannot.

Answer 2

Very nice. Very descriptive, I can almost get a visceral sense of weather and weeds and farms. Do not try to rhyme so much. Meter is more important than rhyme. You can be a little more tricky in what rhymes and what doesn't. For example, here's a simple rhyme by the Beatles from "Nowhere Man." --

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like
You and me.

(Had they said "a bit like me and you," it would have rhymed with "view" and "to" but it would not have stood out as much.)

Answer 3

As an English teacher, I admire your attempt. However, I'll have to go "Simon Cowell" here.

Who cares? It's dry and rather boring. It sounds like you're trying to mimic the style of another poet. Make it your own. Also, sometimes being repetitive can be good, but not in your case.

Answer 4

I love it! I think you did a great job writing it! I can see what you are describing very clearly!

Answer 5

i think that, that is a very good poem . I am a very big fan of poems and ur poem is really good. You really are a good poest I think thats the word........