I'm A Total Introver, advice?

Question

I'm a total introvert. I have friends, but more so aqaintances. I don't call them up, and I can't even get the courage to ask this girl, who I talk to at school, for her phone number (as a friend, so we can hang out). I don't know how to change this pattern, and I also tend to close people off, and have a very hard time opening up to people, even on the phone, and almost impossible to talk about in person. I'm desperate for a boyfriend, but I know if I don't somehow get the courage to talk to guys, I'll never be in a relationship. Any advice on what I could try to ease into becoming more social?

Answer 1

Okay, my first question is are you a true introvert?

If you are a true introvert, than you need time alone to recover from social activities and large groups whereas extraverts get charged up and energized by them. Also, you would probably tend to prefer a few very close, intimate, and trust friends, rather than a horde of surface level friendships.

If you aren't an introvert, than what you are is a shy or possibly even socially phobic extravert, and my answers for either scenario will be different.

If you are an introvert, than I think that the course for you lies in accepting who you are and not allowing extraverts to define for you what you should be and how you should act. My guess is, is that when you meet another introvert who understands you, the friendship will bloom without much pressure on your part, and you will be much happier with that one friend, than with all the extraverted friends who refuse to understand you (not that all extaverts are like that, but many are) in the world.

Is it that you have a difficult time opening up to people, or is it that you aren't gifted in the fine art of small talk? I hate small talk. I will always hate small talk. I like to talk about more interesting things than the weather, but unfortunately, for the largest percent of the population, it is small talk that bridges the gap between acquaintances and friends. However, when you meet another introvert or quirky alone or whatever term you want to use for yourself that has small talk problems and would rather talk about other stuff, you will get along great!

If what you are is actually a shy extravert, and being alone drains you and makes you feel bad, and being with a whole bunch of people peps you up, than I would seek advice from a trained counselor who can help you with your shyness/ reserve/ and possible social phobia.

Answer 2

I feel the same way. (I'm 14) And, really, you just have to put yourself out there and give it a shot. Look for a small group of close friends rather than a wide group of distant ones. Put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable- not unbearbly or extremely uncomfortable, but, just somewhat. It worked for me. Maybe some people are having a discussion, join in. Express your ideas. Over time I promise things will get easier. I'm still in the process.. Write..Write.. and write away, read too.. Gives you a lot to think about and a lot to talk about with others.. But when you just want to talk about regular day to day stuff, just do it, you just have to take the time to build up the courage necessary.

Just remember, you can still be an introvert AND be social. You do need time to yourself.
I hope this helps. If you want to talk, feel free to click on my name and send me a message, I definitely know what this feels like.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are insecure and/or maybe something traumatic happened in your past that makes you feel unworthy of others time and attention or you fear thier rejection. Therapy may be good for you but even then you will just have to get to a point where you see that you ARE worth people's time. So how 'bout trying to do this on your own whether or not you choose to seek therapy.
There will be people out there that will reject you - sure. But put it in perspective. Who are they REALLY??? Are they something so special that your life will not go on. NO. There is NO ONE out there that daggone special. And even sometimes when they reject you it's not YOU. It's them who has the problem. I know it's hard to grasp that when you feel alienated but keep in mind that it IS the truth sometimes.
If there are things about you that you feel keep you from being accepted then change them if you can. Otherwise understand that no one is perfect and those that are worth your time will accept you as you are. Don't waste your time on the others.
My biggest advice is ALWAYS be yourself. ALWAYS! Find yourself and be proud of that. Again, those that are worth your time will appreciate that and those that don't are haters and they can step off.
Don't worry so much about what other people think. You will NEVER be able to please EVERYBODY - so don't even try. Make yourself happy by being happy with who you are and seek out those who have things in common with you and who you feel are positive people. Never let another person dictate how you feel about yourself. ESPECIALLY GUYS!!!! They can hurt you bad just because they are stupid..ha ha ha Don't lose who you are for them. They are a dime a dozen and you don't HAVE to have a boyfriend. As matter of fact you will be happier without one than you would if you wasted your time with the WRONG one. BELIEVE THAT!
All that being said don't let fear hold you back because you can miss out on alot and you cannot get time or opportunity back. Just remember to always put things in perspective.
*Sorry...I wrote alot huh? Hope it helps...*

Answer 4

Activities where group works are crucial is the best place to mingle with people.. It will help.
But first.. u must change the way u are..
Don't avoid people.. Relax and talk to everyone. Even people whom u dislike to talk to. It will be a foundation to being sociable. It will help. Even the person ios less smarter then u or plain old crazy..
Talk.
Be confident that what u say wont put u down or people will nor like you..Don bother abt what people might think..
As there will be more who will like u if yr honest.

Answer 5

Don't take medication as a person ahead of me suggested. The best way is to start slowly, by trying to engage in more conversations and such. Then, keep working your way up until your totally open and able to talk how you want and to who you want without any trouble. If all else fails, counseling might help you open up more. Try that as a last resort though, cause it costs a good amount of money.

Answer 6

First, accept yourself and love yourself the way you are. There is nothing wrong with being introverted.

Answer 7

maybe try putting yourself in non threatening situations....for example.....if you like reading.....spend some time in bookstore...if you are a sports nut join a team...meet people with similar interests do something fun that you enjoy...convo might flow easier on a "turf" you are secure in?

Answer 8

Talk to your doctor. You may respond well to counseling or medication.
Good luck.