We've talked about it, he basically told me it was about hangups he has and it probably won't change. So how do I manage knowing that I will have virtually no sex life for the rest of my life? I have a very high sex drive. I don't want to cheat and prefer not to divorce (I'm Catholic). Any tips?
2007-02-25 11:52:00 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This wasn't an issue before the marriage or in the first year or so.
2007-02-25 12:03:13 · update #1
There has to be a turn on for him. You have to find it. And hope it is not that he is gay. Good luck!!! You are a good person for sticking with him...it will probably turn out just fine.
2007-02-25 12:24:54 · answer #1 · answered by Viking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same boat...31, married, Catholic also, and no sex for over 1 1/2 years (probably 5 or 6 times in the last 6 years). He's also an online porn addict.
After all the issues you have to decide the following:
1) THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
2) Is it worth staying with him? We have a child, and I'm staying for her right now. But faith or not, I'd be gone if it wasn't for her. You may be able to get an annulment on the grounds of abandonment if you don't want a divorce.
3) Stick to your guns and don't cheat. He's in the wrong here, not you, and two wrongs don't make a right.
Continue your life -- education, work, etc. If he's not willing to change, it's going to be up to you to figure out what you want out of life. God gave us a mind and heart, and He would want you to follow it. If your heart says go, then do so.
Good luck to you and know that you're not alone.
2007-02-28 08:31:52 · answer #2 · answered by icequeen_ah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seen a guy on here the other day, that was talking about a prenup and outlined everything in it, including the times per week his wife would give him sex.
Maybe this is what you should have done. lol No, hun, i am just kidding. I know this is not a laughing matter, and I am truly sorry to make light of it, but sex is very important to a marriage.
I would personally be very upset about it. If it wasnt an issue prior to marriage, then thats kind of like false advertisement. Its not in the deal.
He has major issues, and u have needs. He needs therapy and he needs to get over his hangups and give u what u had prior to marriage, which was a healthy sex life.
Its not to much to ask. I had a similar problem with an ex who drank alot. I was much more inclined than he, and it was a major issue for me. I ultimately left the relationship, not just because of that, but that was one reason.
I say u slip him some viagara and get yours. Phooey on him.....u need the intimacy and he needs to pay up.
Maybe a trip to the doc wouldnt hurt to see what his "hang up" is.
THere has to be a reason for this unhealthy appetite or lack there of.
Good luck. Again.....sorry for the fun in the beginning. I truly know what ur going through......:)
2007-02-25 12:20:46 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I am in a similar situation myself. I don't know how much sexless your marriage is, but I know that the longer you don't have intimacy, the more difficult it is to get back there. We tried counselling and a part of the reason it all went 'blah' was the way we related to each other. I tried cheating (still don't really understand how or why I ended there) and basically went through hell. So, I definitely recommend counselling for the both of you. Do not walk out of the marriage until you figure our why it is as it is and you can tell you yourself that you have done anything possible to make it work. The question for you is - do you love him and do you want to make it work?
2007-02-25 12:51:19 · answer #4 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the male perspective I agree that if I could go back I would. My marriage would have been done in the first year instead of dragging out for 10. I kept thinking that it would get better but if the frigid party does not want to thaw a bit it will not get better. Now I have a rotten attitude about women, with rare exception, and no clue what dating is supposed be about at 50 plus.
2007-02-25 14:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by gatzap 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest to god - I wish you lived in my town. We're in the same boat.
Okay stupid joke answer aside, I've tried everything known to man, including trying nothing at all. It gets worse every day. The more you don't have it, the weirder life becomes and the more you miss it. And the farther away you feel from the other person. And the less intimate you can be on other levels with them. And they don't get that.
I hate talking about this, but if I could have back the last 12 years, I would get them back and spend them on someone else, if you want complete honesty. Religion or no religion, I'd end it. There's no way what he is asking is normal, religious, biblical, right, common, or sensible.
2007-02-25 13:37:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since divorce isn't an option for you, your best bet is to have him checked out medically and seek counceling. You may also want to introduce sex toys into your "love" life. You may have to just use a vibrator on yourself. Do you want children with this guy? Remember you'll have to have sex to accomplish that and definately more than once. It sounds to me like your guy has some emotional problems that he needs to work through, yet I question why you would keep yourself in a sexless marriage for years. In the end, you'll know what's right for you.
2007-02-25 12:31:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he is unwilling to get counseling/medical help for his "hang ups", then you might want to ask yourself if you really are willing/able to resign yourself to a sexless marriage(yes, I would be saying this exact same thing to a man with the same question about his wife). Sex isn't the most important part of a marriage, but it is still an important part of it.
2007-02-25 12:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your priest and get professional counseling, like a marriage counselor. I'm sure that deep down inside your husband wants to share the joy and intimacy of marriage, but doesn't know how to get past certain things. Take you time and explore avenues for help and advice. I would also strongly suggest that you find a counselor grounded in the Catholic faith. A lot of people have PhDs, but it doesn't mean they'll give you advice centered in God.
God bless.
2007-03-01 08:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by Danny H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to counseling together, they actually have sex therapists. I feel bad for you, truly I know you don't want to cheat and I know you don't believe in divorce but sex brings couples together, make up sex I mean that kind of thing. You need to find out what his hang ups are, does he think that he is overweight and you don't like his body, or something worse than that. Go to talk someone, they should and hopefully be able to help you.
2007-02-25 12:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get him to see a counsellor, and to buy you any "TOYS" you need. Maybe watching you express yourself will increase his libido. Explain to him how sex makes you feel, how it's not just the physical pleasure but the intimate sharing of love for him etc etc. This needs to be resolved as you will over time resent him and wonder if it's your fault that he doesn't want to have sex and your marriage will suffer even more. Also his doctor can run some blood tests to check his hormone levels etc to make sure all ok there.
2007-02-25 12:10:30 · answer #11 · answered by Sharon P 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋