My hand is reaching,
Your eyes are closed.
The art of teaching,
His face so posed…
It will change you soon.
Your skin so soft,
His face is old?
The ageing loft,
Memories un-told…
Are where your secrets lie.
I had nothing to do, and was inspired lol...please no nasty comments - best answer will be picked if I recieve reasonable replies =)
2007-02-25 11:26:48 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I'm changing the word ageing to "darkening"...im sorry it doesnt make much sense but it really does to what im thinking of - thanks for the comments guys!
2007-02-25 11:44:51 · update #1
I to do a bit of writting and what u hav said tells a story of sadness yet full of hope its sad that a hand is reaching but the eyes are closed . U find that in alot of people every 1 searching with there eyes closed . memories untold stay that way untill u find the 1 u been looking 4
2007-02-25 11:55:01 · answer #1 · answered by ALLEN P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully no one will discourage you from writing because you do have some promise. I like the repetition of 5 lines and you have a rhythm. Staying in the present tense might make the poem stronger, since your first line grabs the reader's attention. I'd take another go if I were you at making your second stanza understandable to the reader, particularly the third line "The aging loft". I realize you're looking for a word to rhyme with soft, but it's a better choice to look for a synonym for soft that's easier to rhyme.
What ever you do, keep writing! You do have talent, now what you need is experience.
2007-02-25 11:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by Holly R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing about your poem is that it conjures up images in another persons mind, because it doesn't give too much away, so it can have a profound meaning to different people for separate reasons.
2007-02-26 09:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought this was a very moving poem. sweet, gentle and full of respect and love... your rhyme and rhythm structure are sound, and the pace of it reflects the subject matter.
personally, i like the word *ageing*!!!! it allows me to see both an actual place - a cobweb bedecked attic stuffed with yellowing newspapers and boxes full of half-forgotten treasures - and it to be a metaphor for an elderly person's mind.
2007-02-27 11:37:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good... It reminds me of someone who is blind, like Helen Keller being taught. Or maybe someone who isn't in touch with reality or needs convincing to see things in a different light. It's good. Thank you for sharing.
2007-03-02 04:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by dimplez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this to me is telling a story of someone blind, old and very sad and withdrawn..he can not see your hand reaching out and does not want to reach out to you so you touch his face to let him know it is ok and you love him and he can talk to you if he wants to.
2007-02-25 12:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by jeeccentricx2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you talking about doing crafts or something in your attic with your grandpa? any way i liked it / i dont usually like poems that arent funny but this is good
2007-02-25 11:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice poem
it's kinda confusing but i love the wording you have a talent :)
2007-03-02 02:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by babyxx94 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats lovely! And glad it isn't a long poem........i get bored if they are a bit epic
2007-02-25 11:30:46 · answer #9 · answered by rainbow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great poem! but I dont understand the second stanza. what's it mean? i luv how it rymes
2007-02-25 11:32:37 · answer #10 · answered by quidditch.girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋