How do I encourage a married friend to lose interest in me?

Question

I have a friend that is married, but obsessed with me. He has gone through some tough times, and when he was in the hospital from a car accident for 2 weeks his wife cheated on him with multiple men. I feel bad for him, and want to continue being his friend - but I do not think it is right for him to have romantic interest in me while he is still married.

-He wrote me a love poem, but I gave it back and told him I cannot accept it.
-He has asked me to go out on dates, but it is just wrong.
and other things
he does not seem to understand that nothing is going to happen

BUT If there is ever a time that we are both single, I will be glad to jump into bed with him.

I've been encouraging him to either fix his relationship, or make a decision about where it is going. Hopefully it has not been giving him mixed signals - but maybe it is better if I encourage him to find a male bestfriend until he is more stable?

B K: We have been friends since long before he got married. I never thought friendships were supposed to end after marriage.

Answer 1

You tell him just what you said here. I had no problem understanding your feelings what so ever. And I think the reason he has fallen more for you , is he has a horrible wife and sees how you are and that makes him even more attracted to you. Tell him that if you did something like that, that you would be no better than her. You have a good friend and i think that you are handling it the right way.

Answer 2

Seems you are trying to just be his friend without getting
involved with his marriage. Good for you. If you feel that
he is getting to close to you then you can see him less
often, since he is still married. When you do see him just
continue doing what you are now doing and remind him
of the fact nothing more can go on as long as he is a
married man because you have respect for his marriage.
Do not pressure him into leaving his wife as he has to
do that on his own, and if he asks you anything pertain-
ing to his marriage or marriage problems it's best not to
have an opinion . Respect him and his wife and still be
his friend but always remind him it's just that. Good luck.

Answer 3

i know how that's to artwork finished-time and have a sprint one at abode. Gosh, 6 months is this style of relaxing age,too! I dont blame you.. Heres what i might do: attempt to think of of what's struggling with you from spending time w/ your husband..if that is exhaustion, why no longer divide the countless family members chores or enable him watch the infant an hour each night so which you will get a harm? If that's the certainty which you dont have sufficient time, then artwork out a time table, %. 3 weekdays and one weekend day to do abode projects, the different 2 days, NO abode projects, enable the abode be a huge mess, concentration on your son and then your husband. finally, constantly %. sooner or later which you will flow on date night. Leaqve your son w/ a relative and flow out w/ your husband as quickly as each week. sturdy luck.

Answer 4

If you are serious about not wanting to have a relationship with this married man then you really should tell him that you really don't want to have anything more to do with him. It is the only way. I am confused if he just wants sex with you or if he really sees a future for you both. If you love him, as opposed to wanting to jump into his bed, you should be able to tell him how you feel but there is no way you are having a romantic relationship with a married man. If he wants you he will have to be single and he should not contact you again until he is.

Answer 5

well by you saying that you would gladly jump into bed with him... have you told him this because that is mixed signals right there. You need to distance yourself from him, because although his wife might have cheated you will look like the hussy that broke up a marriage if he divorces her for you. You need to come out and tell him, you are married, i will not be with a married man, and if you continue then I am unsure if we can still be friends because you are making me uncomfortable with your advances. He needs to spend the time that he is trying to get you, into fixing his own marriage.

Answer 6

Just stop all contact with him and tell him to work on his marriage with his wiife. If he does not want his marriage he needs to divorce his wife before even wanting to see you in this way. Jumping into bed with him even when he is first single is not the answer either as this will only complicate things and he will be on the rebound.

Answer 7

Tell him that you will tell his wife if he continues to pursue you in that way. If he tries again then tell his wife. She deserves to know.

And I agree with the other poster - you are giving him mixed messages. You should really cut off all communication. Do you have the guts to do that?

Answer 8

it sounds like you might be giving mixed signals;
mixed signals typically occur when despite the words you use,
your body language reveals what you really want

make it emphatically clear that on no uncertain terms would you ever get involved with a married man

hopefully, he'll grow the cojones to leave his deceitful wife

Answer 9

You tell him exactly what you stated in your post(with the exception of jumping into bed with him if he is single). Tell him if he wants to be friends it is conditional on curbing his behavior, otherwise he is going to ruin your friendship with him. If he cannot control himself then it is best for you to cut all contact with him.

Answer 10

Definitely cut the ties. You will not be happy with another woman's man...too much baggage. Don't tell him that if he was single you would jump him...just let fate happen as it may...