I am probably going through a mid-life crisis...?

Question

I am 50 years old. I have a son who is 20, and I've been married for 27 years to the same man. I've been completely faithful to my husband...but for some reason I feel like, though I'm ashamed to admit it, I might like to pursue another someone, though no one in particular. ( No, I am not wanting to have an affair.) I was a virgin when I met my husband so I've never been intimate with anyone else. OF COURSE, I'd never actually carry this out, but I feel sad that this is even in my thoughts! I guess maybe I'm just completely burned out! I've lived in the same town all of these years as well, but would love to move off far away. Is this strange behavior or am I just going through some kind of a crisis? Thanks!

Answer 1

Fantasies are strong, you put all of your dreams on hold when you had children and probably when you met your husband. Perhaps you were full of wanderlust when a child/adolescent/ adult and you never travelled to exotic locales . . . that yearning desire is now bubbling up.

I don't think it's a wrong what you are feeling . . . I'm at a loss, though, as to what to say. Are you going through a crisis? That ultimately is a subjective question and you can get a million different answers. Is leaving something you consider stifling to enter a new realm in your existence a crisis . . . . ?

Answer 2

You are just a victim of too comfortable of a life. You are looking for some excitement that has been missing for a while. Try talking to your husband about surprising you once in a while. It's not uncommon or crazy, as a matter of fact it's incredibly normal! If your husband doesn't understand what you mean about surprising you, don't blame him. Guys are pretty easy to please if we are leading a happy life so we won't appear to have a half a brain to understand. Just tell him you miss romance and not just taking his socks off when you decide to go to bed. If you remember how to talk to each other I'm sure you both can come up with some interesting ideas. Take a trip to an adult toy shop together and surprise him with some requests. Do a strip tease for him. Think with some creativity and if he is human, he will probably keep the fire blazing. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds to me and I am no expert, that you are at the standard crossroad that many people find themselves in at mid-life. Is it a mid-life crisis? No, that is what happens when you throw everything you have done in your life down the toilet to own a dream car, dream mate, and get a new job, that doesn't actually pay worth a damn. The crisis, comes when you realize you are being an *** and try to recoup some of your self-esteem.

No you are at the mental place many people find themselves at that leads to a crisis. So here is what you need to ask!

1. Do I love, respect and get love and respect from my spouse?

2. Have I accomplished the goals I wanted too?

3. Have I raised good children who will represent a positive influence on society and the family name?

What you are going through now is unsurity of decisions in your past. The problem being you have been disciplined and stayed the course. Now you may be regretting your decisions, because you are unsure about you and you want to validate your existence. Look to your family. If you have a good family, with good values, and have good grandchildren to carry on the family legacy, then it has been validated. If these things are not inl line, then ask if you could have done a better job? If so but not to much, then you have some research to do to find out where the problem lies!

I wish you luck on whatever endevour you decide to go.

Answer 4

Probably mid-life crisis. I would suggest a couple of things: (1) get a complete physcial--make sure you are doing OK--you may be depressed, and (2) find some new hobbies and/or go back to school. Being 50 is not too late to pursue something new, and you have many good years ahead of you! This is not the time to throw away a marriage and destroy your family.

Answer 5

Darling I think a lot of men and women feel this way from time to time, I know I have and I love my wife dearly. In my case I think we just got in a rut, well to be honest I did. My wife is outgoing and I just had nothing to do, no energy. However, I joined a swimming club and had some golf lessons. The point is that it's up to me to find things I enjoy doing so I am busy and don't have time to act on these inner feelings. I could have a fling but I would be risking so much for what might only be a few days of stolen and guilty sex, not worth it really. So you are not strange it is just a normal part of life you have to deal with.

Answer 6

There is no such thing as mid-life crises. There are some changes that are going on with your hormones to which you need to talk with your doctor to find that out.

Or, it could be that you are not getting the attention that you would like from your husband that you just want to see some changes in your marriage. There is nothing wrong with wanting to move to a different location. But, I do see a problem with thinking of wanting to be with another man. From what you say here, seems like your marriage is just a 'repetitious' marriage for you that you just want some excitement. You can have that with your husband of 27 years, but you and him have to want to make that happen. You are not burnt out, the fire that your once had with your husband is burnt out. So, what are you going to do about it? Either, you can sit and watch it burn out to the bottom and see ashes, or you can lite it back up by changing your perspective and by making it happen? Time to bring back that spark into your marriage!

Do what you can to bring back that romance with your husband.

Do get the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

Answer 7

You are going through an identity crisis Elizabeth. You are crossing the threshold of your life & asking some important questions.
Perhaps it would be helpful to speak with a counselor to sort out your feelings. It is natural to question your life's choices.
You did not say whether you were happily married or whether your husband treats you well. Maybe you are feeling unappreciated. It sounds like you daydream of having an exciting relationship. Perhaps a weekend away with your husband would help. Try some subtle changes with your hair or clothing. Another thought is menopause. It can reek havoic on you & cause you to question your womanhood.
You sound normal to me.

Answer 8

you should really have a long talk with your husband and see if you can come up with some new and exciting things to do....a bit off the beaten path.... a trip here or there.... a play for instance, if you are not used to that kind of thing........go see a favorite celebrity on the stage.... you two can find meaningful things to do together......like my sister says........"you've got to make memories, to have things to look back on." I think your "thinking" is completely normal and rational... I am very close to your age and have been married twice, and even though I am no longer with hubby #2, I loved him dearly........and had similar thoughts....(we divorced because he was too power hungry, unfortunately), anyway...I understand... just talk to your hubby, get couples counseling if needed...and make memories together....and also get out with your gal pals, our alone every once in a while....
take care!

Answer 9

i think your feelings are VERY normal. my wife and i had the same situation where we were both each others first. So she cheated then i cheated. our marriage was a mess when it was over. we are still together after 17 years but our marriage has never been the same. you may even talk to your hubby and add swapping into your fantasys during love making. just dont do it for real its not worth it. the fantasy is always better than the reality. good luck

Answer 10

It sounds kinda like a mid-life crisis. Maybe you could try some role-playing with your husband to liven things up and that might seem vaguely like a stranger? Also, have you thought about a vacation to somewhere you've never been, to satisfy your sudden wanderlust?