Your thoughts about my affair?

Question

Well as my other post declared....I was thinking of having an affair.

...i was flirting with a girl at work for fun and it got out of hand and she propositioned me to get involved sexually....

I got in way over my head and I fessed up to my wife and we have been talking things through...

...she is obviously upset, but glad I stopped things where they were..

...she still has to take it all in and I am not going to push her to deal with it.

Honestly, I feel like this was my bad choice, but I also feel like If i got the attention I needed from my wife...I would not look elsewhere.

...maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better, but I don't feel like it is all on me.......

Any thoughts....on where I go from here?????

Answer 1

TELL THAT WHORE TO F*CK OFF.
GO AND F*CK YOUR OWN WIFE.

Answer 2

First of all this affair was not right at all and never should have happened. But do not beat yourself up over it and apologize to your wife and work on your marriage with your wife to get through this. Your wife will need time to heal and get past this and you both will need help and counseling for your marriage. Do not expect your wife to meet all of your needs sexually as she may humanly be able to do so. If you need to there is such a thing that you can clone your wifes vagina and use that for sex and there is even masturbation. You are right it does take two in a marriage BUT it was still your choice and you were wrong for what you did to the marriage.

Answer 3

You don't feel like you should take all the blame here? What would happen if your wife couldn't show you attention because of severe medical conditions? Would that be an excuse to think about an affair too? There is no one here other than you that can take any blame in your actions. You promise to take her and keep her for better or worse, in sickness and in health, etc. etc. etc. You are either man enough to keep your promise or your not. If you can't be known for being a man of integrity then how can you feel you have any self worth? Thank your lucky stars that your wife still wants you as a husband. I would expect my wife to throw me out and burn my clothes if I even thought about straying!!!

Answer 4

If you really want to work things out with your wife, then you need, no, you HAVE to take responsibility for your part in this. You can't say "hey my wife didn't give me any attention, otherwise this would have never happened". If you really and truly loved your wife, let alone respected her, this would have never happened. You would have TALKED to your wife and told her that you felt neglected. Think about how YOU would have felt if YOUR WIFE went out and found somebody all because she felt that you weren't "giving her any attention". Would you be cool with that? And besides, you definitely don't s--t where you eat-don't fool around with coworkers!!! Otherwise not only will you lose your wife, the kids, the house, the car-but your job too, especially if there is a "no intimacy between coworkers" rule at your job!!!

Either go to counseling (if you really want to work things out with your wife) or take a trial separation from your wife and figure out what the heck you want to do with your life and your marriage.

Answer 5

I'm really glad you decided to be honest with your wife about everything, and that you two are working things out together.

I think it would be best for you to just cut off all contact with the girl you were having the affair with. If needed, change your e-mail address, so she cannot send you messages anymore, and block her from your cell as well. Unless is is work related, and just absolutely necessary.. there should be zero contact between the two of you.

You did the right thing by telling your wife. I really hope everything works out for you two!

Answer 6

I would say speak to a counselor, and accept all the responsibility for this. Even thought things may not have been that great at home, that in no way gives you the right to go against your marital vows to start looking elsewhere. IF things are bad at home, fix them don't run away. Good job on stopping this when you did, now you need to put this on your back and start digging yourself out. I would also go with your wife to speak to your religious leader, they may be able to help as well. Keep the Family together Bro, no other success can compensate for failure in the home. Good luck to you it is a long road, trust me I know.

P. S. You may want to start by getting off the computer and spending the time with her.

Answer 7

Its clear that things are not always ice cream and pie at home when you are married and I think this is why some of us do what you did. You start out with a little innocent flirting and it goes on for weeks/months. Then when it comes to the point that the other person wants to hook up, then we say , oh dear what hae I done how do I get out of this mess. Am I right? I think it happens allot more than people admit too. i think everyone flirts here and there, it seems good for our ego or something. But if we stop it before it goes too far then we are ok. My thoughts on where to go from here, Are wait and see if she gives you more attention, listens more, and doesn't bring it up all the time. good luck.

Answer 8

Well, it's a good thing your wife knows. What I can't believe is that she is still with you! And lets be real-you didn't want to cheat because you wasn't getting the attention you needed from your wife (the classic excuse) you wanted to cheat because you look at it as a adventure! It's time for you to be a man and stop acting like a young boy-you have a wife, and you made vows to one another, respect her and don't expect her to be fine with everything you did, in a couple of days!

Answer 9

Stick with your wife and try to earn back her trust. She is the one who has been with you through everything. The other girl isn't for you and obviously doesn't have your best interest. Try counseling if your wife needs this. Try your best to keep your marriage together and good for you for confessing to your wife-- this is much better than her finding out from some other source and will go a long way towards your regaining her trust. Just stick with things and be careful with how you interact with other women since your wife will not trust you with other women for a while.

Answer 10

yes it is all on you, its not that you didn't get any attention at home, you just wanted attention from this girl at work for whatever reason and silly game you wanted to play, and now you want to play the nutrole and blame your stupidity on someone else

you made the conscious choice to start flirting knowing full well that you had someone at home, and when things went further than you wanted then you got scared, now you decided to blame someone else for your stupid choices

this sounds like the classic NOT ME sindrome, where everyone else is at fault for your actions except you

at least be a man about it and fess up and take responsibility for your own actions instead of trying to be a wussy and passing the buck to someone else

ooo, if i got some attention at home
ooo, if my dad didn't punish me
ooo, if my mom didn't gound me

keep coming up with whatever excuses you want to, they are just a diluted lie ogf what the truth is, you made a mistake and are not even man enough to take the blame yourself

Answer 11

I'm glad you told your wife and she understands. I'm glad you were smart enough to stop it before it began and that you didnt cheat on your wife. Man, are you lucky! You would have lost everything for a fling! The only thing you could do is tell your wife, that you are happy for being able to be honest with her and that you love her! and if in the future anything happens like that again, you will put a stop to it immediately and tell her too!