2007-02-25 10:18:17 · 19 answers · asked by ztcckc1983 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can tell you it was not your fault, but really you know that and yet the guilt remains.
The best advice is to get professional help guiding you to a point where you are able to cope with this tragedy, don't listen to us well wishers, most of us care and would love to help you, but you do need to find a professional to help you through your grief and beyond.
I wish you all the best
2007-02-25 10:27:44 · answer #1 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, you DID NOT let him die. Your husband made the decision 25 years ago to follow the path of alcoholism and you happened to be there. I'm sure that you tried in every way to help him,get him help,sought out counselling for yourself and him as well, everything that you could have thought of, but guess what? HE made a concious decision to be the way he was!! We ALL have a choice in this life and he MADE his, you made yours!! You can ONLY help those that WANT to be helped. Seek out a good therapist that can guide you and show you the way to a better and happier life...25 years is 1/4 of your life; live the other 3/4 with happiness and peacefulness.
2007-02-25 18:29:39 · answer #2 · answered by tdoh2o4u 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im very sorry for your loss. I know hearing this and believing it is two different things about it not being your fault but it is true. He had a illness. He made the choice to end his life. It was not your choice but his.
I would strongly suggest talking to a counselor at your local mental health agency. They have alot of good counselors and even if you dont have insurance or are on a low income they can and will help you.
It may help you as well to talk to a pastor/clergy person that can help you get through this or someone you trust and can confide in. good luck!
2007-02-25 18:30:34 · answer #3 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U didnt let him die. He chose to die rather than change his life. He knew all those years that u were struggling with it. His addiction ruled his life. He chose to let it.
He chose to commit suicide rather than change his life.
Dont blame yourself. U have suffered enough all those years dealing with the addiction. U did nothing to make him do it, nor could u have prevented it.
He was killing himself already by living his life in this way.
Its not your fault.
U did what u felt u needed to do to be happy and escape from the life u hated for years. No one could blame u and u shouldnt blame yourself either.
I am so sorry this had to happen. I am sure you feel somewhat responsible, but understand hun, he made a choice. A slow death or this. Either way, it was inevitable.
Again, so sorry. I wish u luck in healing and dealing.
Best wishes.
2007-02-25 18:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife killed herself as a result of Clinical Depression. In much the same situation, I was leaving as I couldn't handle the depression any longer. Much of what you will read here is garbage and treat it as such. Grief is a process and has distinct stages, denial, anger, guilt, depression and finally acceptence. You are working through this process. Take your time, don't rush into new relationships or begin new businesses or other concerns right now. You have enough on your plate with this. The ONE thing that helped me through and continues to help me through this is one simple phrase: SHE CHOSE TO SUICIDE, I DIDN'T FORCE THIS CHOICE ON HER. With this I acknowledge that the choice to suicide was hers, not mine. As a result of her making that choice and following through on the choice, it is her fault and not mine. I bear no responsibility for her decision in this matter and so bear none of the blame for her decision. Grief groups are interesting, but fall far short of what you need. I would suggest finding a suicide survivors group, they exist and the people there are far more likely to understand where you are coming from and help you through this process. But until then, keep repeating that phrase to yourself. It is reality.
2007-02-25 18:53:39 · answer #5 · answered by mcdomnhal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt is a rare emotion and it is only to be used if you have done something wrong on purpose. Your husband was already seriously ill long before the made this final decision. This was not your choice it was his. Get well soon.
2007-02-25 18:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by dtwladyhawk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through this! You should not feel guilty but I know with suicide it is a difficult thing to get past (my brother-in-law committed suicide and his wife made it through) you will too!!!! However, you are still on this Earth and need to live your life.
Your first answerer was correct in saying to seek a professional to help you get through the rough times. Everything will be fine, you WILL make it!!!
2007-02-25 18:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by my2boys 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The alcohol was the killing factor in this situation, not you. He couldn't stop doing what he did to drive you away, so he just wanted to end his pain of the things he couldn't control. Say your prayers that God will listen to him on judgment for taking his own life. God Bless You.
2007-02-25 18:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if someone kills themselves, they are to blame... you did not do anything to him. I agree that you need to get help from a counselor. Just remember, you did not kill him, and guilt is just a ploy of the enemy to bring you down even more! hang in there and will be prayin for you
2007-02-25 18:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by livinintheword † 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
councilling grief councilling that is. It is not your fault, you are not responsible for anything anyone else does to themselves even if they tell you that it is your fault it is not they have a brain and can make descisions, he made 25 years of bad choices and his last bad choice ended his life. You did not kill him, alcohol did
2007-02-25 18:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by 'lil peanut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋