What do I do about shyness?

Question

I'm rubbish at speaking. I'm pretty clever, and an architect, but as soon as anyone asks me anything I can't think at all.
I'm so much happier on my own, why is that? Mindless chat annoys me, like in the hairdressers, I'd rather not talk at all. And whenever I do speak, I embarass myself! ...solutions?

Answer 1

Some people would say the way we behave now (present) is a reflection of how we were brought up by our parents (or family), and what kind of environment we had when we were younger.

Other people would say that people are just born either as introverts or extroverts. In other words, this is just a matter of varied personality types.

And some people would also say that how we behave with others is also a manifestation of how we feel inside.

Solutions ! ? ! This depends on whether you see this as a problem or not. I personally think that this isn't.

But if you want to change and improve how you relate to other people (being more outgoing perhaps) , I suggest that you have a good look at yourself. Know yourself better, understand your reactions to people, investigate and look back at how your role models (parents or whoever molded you and looked after you when you were young) behave whenever they're in the company of people they're not familiar with.

After your journey with introspection, accept and respect your own individuality. As you have said so yourself, there are other aspects in your life where you excel.

Focus on that. I'm sure that when you start talking about your designs, or your job as an architect, things are a bit easier. Probably because you're in your comfort zone.

Talking to the hairdresser, or any random people there probably doesn't appeal to you because you don't really know them and you don't know any same thread of conversation that you could discuss with them.

I think this is one of the reasons why random people or strangers often talk about the weather. Because this doesn't require anyone to open up and say something too personal or intriguing.

I think you are also a very private person who value confidentiality and actually takes time before you trust other people. This isn't a bad thing. People like you eventually become really true friends whom someone can really treasure and depend on.

But if you'd like to try and appear more friendly without giving too much of yourself, try to ask open - ended questions about basic and impersonal things like..........yes, the weather!

Good luck.

Answer 2

The answer lies within the negative conditioning that you are inflicting upon yourself daily, consciously and subconsciously, Like "I am Rubbish", no good at this or that etc, etc. Re-think your thinking! Tell yourself how GREAT you are and even if you mess up tell yourself that you will learn from the mistake.

Practice more, Study more, Ask more but never COP OUT by talking yourself down, anyone can do that! Don't ever let a day go by without learning something NEW, so that you can become Smarter & Wiser, then share your new found wisdom with the rest of us.

Answer 3

Darling, just don't worry about that 'shyness'. I wouldn't call that shyness really. I am just like you. I don't want to be cocky but we are those people who just live in higher levels of consciousness, where common talk is boring, daft and annoying. Just look for interesting people, who really fill you up and I can assure you, you will have loads to talk about. Sometimes I really try to listen to the daily conversations of people, like football and soap-operas, but suddenly my mind just drifts away. I even though I would have ADHD but I don't. I'm just selective on the things I like to listen to.

However, if you are really worried about that, and that is holding back some friendships, well either you have to practice and really be interested, or pretend. But honestly, I don't think this will work, not at least as long term. The same way, if you're looking for someone, just be yourself, or the relationship will not last.

Answer 4

Try looking up Autistic Spectrum Disorders and the criteria for a diagnosis....I did and it explained alot about why i was shy and I found out at the ripe age of 38 I have Asperges Syndrome after seeing a consultant. Explains why I'm totally socially inept and like my own company. Lack of social skills, poor communication are apparently definite pointers. Still cant figure out how I got by for so long without anybody picking it up as my profile was so spiky..... worth a try i guess.

Answer 5

We seek comfort in things that are familiar to us. Your issues look like they may be caused by frustration with your interpersonal skills. In regards to the hairdresser, they don't care nor do they remember people unless they are a regular. Hairdressers care about the 50% cut they are going to get for performing that particular service. Don't worry, by the sounds of it you are normal. Work on your interpersonal skills because it will make you a better communicator. Plus it will make you a better salesperson of your architectural skills. This will help you earn more money and establish a wider clientele base.

Answer 6

you don't need a solution you need an award ...don't let society pressurise you to change....'you can't use what you don't have'
shyness is&has become a rare quality in women ...nowadays it's not only normal to ask women who you just met about how many men she has slept with but the shocking thing is the women are willing to give names,locations, without even blinking an eye-lid..
am a strong beleiver in a shy but asertive when need to be kinda women. and most men would prefer them to clevege in your face,talking alot but not saying much,excessive drinking types
good luck

Answer 7

I'm more comfortable on my own, too. My mom says most people are that way...the extroverts are just more vocal, that's all.

If somebody asks you something, give them a safe answer. Then ask THEM something about themselves...advice for a shy person, to make you comfortable with others.

Answer 8

Yes, I have the perfect solution for you; join Toastmasters. It's an organization that helps peoplke become better speakers.

www.toasmasters.org

Answer 9

There used to be a guy working with me,he hardly ever spoke,even if it was only me & him.
I pity you,you'r missing out on alot of things.
I hope you can overcome it.
xx

Answer 10

sorry if this destroys your hope, but I'm pushing 46, and still struggling with the same question