My husband and I had not been married long before he sent a check worth several hundred dollars to his family acrosss the country. I initially discovered the check, asked him about it, and he denied it. I let it go. Then later on when his sister thanked him on our answering machine about the "gift" she had received (i.e. the check) I confronted him and he admitted the truth.
I felt horribly betrayed bc he lied, esp. since he is very tight with me about money. He felt they needed the money (they tend to make little and then squander their savings very quickly with international trips, etc.).
He didn't tell me because he thought I'd say 'no' to writing the check. This is the thing: His family has always made cracks about my not making enough money. Ironic.
Now, he has offered again to pay for things if they need money. The problem is, WE are not in a position to offer money if we are expecting our first child soon. Yet, his mom discusses their financial woes and he feels guilty.
2007-02-25 10:10:22 · 10 answers · asked by shoshana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lending or giving money to family members is just not right .. once you start giving to them they are going to keep coming back and back for more and more money you do not know if they are telling you the truth or if they are trying to see how much they are trying to get out of you... if they say they will pay you back make sure they sign a statement saying how much they are going to get and when they will pay you back.. as for your husband he should have involved you in the hole thing from the get go. take away his checkbook and act like you do not know where it is at that might teach him a lesson ....
2007-02-25 10:28:08 · answer #1 · answered by cindy b 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Not right to keep secrets from a spouse IMO.. BUT its also not cool for a spouse(YOU) to be dictating terms as to whats what either..
Ehh in this case since its a low $ amount (a few hundered $ i waste on anygive month.. in fact I wast more than that on scotch.. but I'm not married anymore either.. that one time cured me of that hehehe) have him cut you a check for the same $ amount and go buy some shoes & clothes.. as a way of making ammends for his faux pas (yeah he fracked up.. secrets are NOT a good thing in any marriage).. and no more doing that crap..
(trust me its cheaper than a divorce LOL and yes i'd know!)
2007-02-25 10:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If i had an uncle who was sending money to my family his brother or sister i wouldnt want his wife giving hima hard time as you are.Its his family let him help them out.And dont make such a big deal.As for how his family has treated or talked of you looks like your holding it against them.Its his family if you love him ull love his family too
2007-02-25 10:16:39 · answer #3 · answered by aguardianangel 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
You should always discuss the rules of marriage before marriage, and also make up the consequences of rule breaking. My fiance' discuss things like this in length. One you make an agreement, if it is broken, you have to be able to deal with the consequences.
2007-02-25 12:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he earning money? Then he has every right to send his family money. He seems to have done it without telling you because he knew you would not understand --- and he is right, isn't he?
2007-02-25 14:38:16 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 6⤋
Men are complexed things. _ i remember when my hubby loved me sooooo much and showed it... Now, lies only small. but i believe they take us 4 granted.
and as we care more, we get hurt more.
2007-02-25 10:17:29 · answer #6 · answered by Aussie_chick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your husband and the father of your soon to be children, then you need to be supportive.
2007-02-25 10:14:23 · answer #7 · answered by divinity 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sit down and talk to him , ask him why would he he such a thing without first consulting you
2007-02-25 10:14:14 · answer #8 · answered by twiggy_vienna_love 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you really should know someone before you marry them.
2007-02-25 10:20:37 · answer #9 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
waa waaa waa.. why do you women cry about everything.
2007-02-25 10:15:45 · answer #10 · answered by EFF U 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋