My (estranged) husband and I haven't consummated our marriage. We've been married for 8 years. The first year, he would not see a therapist with me. But eventually we saw three therapists over the years and as many doctors. However, I was the one who had to find the doctors and make the appointments and basically drive any sort of research into why my husband was impotent and what our options were. I'd ask my doctors, surf the 'Net, read, whatever for answers. I'm still not sure what my husband did except ask his doctors. It wasn't enough IMO. When I asked him, he said, "I'm not good at these things," e.g., surfing the Net, calling around to experts, etc. I finally had enough and asked him to leave. I didn't buy his excuse anymore. Would you have?
2007-02-25 09:42:52 · 8 answers · asked by toplessone19700 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"I'm not good at these things" is much more likely his way of saying that he's embarrassed about his condition, and therefore doesn't want to deal with it... and who could blame him? It's a very personal, private issue and for someone who is more sensitive, it could be completely humiliating.
Ask him about this -- see how he feels and whether or not your help is causing him more embarrassment...
2007-02-25 09:49:46 · answer #1 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't have called them excuses, but he found that you are better than him in that area so he would rather have you do it than him. I wouldn't have had him leave either for those reasons.
What you could have done is help him to overcome those fears that he has with talking to people. It could be that he trusted his doctor more than surfing the net so he was comfortable with that. I just don't think you were. But, it is good to get a second opinion too, just to be safe.
Sometimes when we can't solve the problem ourselves, it sure helps for another person to help or give them their advice on what needs to be done. If I know that my husband had a problem with something, I would do my best to help him or at least give him some suggestions on how he could handle the situation. We are not all perfect human beings and sometimes we just need that second opinion.
But, he needs to learn how to handle situations like that, otherwise, when you are away from home and something comes up, he will not know how to handle it and that will just lead to frustration.
So, just do what you can to help him in any way. Be patient and be willing to give, rather than to put him down or criticize him.
2007-02-25 10:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stayed with him for 8 years - how important can it really be for you? It should have been apparent after a year that he was not interested in solving this problem. I'm not really sure why you have waited so long - I can only assume, there must have been REALLY good reasons for you to do so. Are these reasons enough for you to accept him as is, and stop pushing the issue? He is the way he is, you can't really change him; if you only stay around in the hopes that he would "change" - don't; he won't. You have wasted enough time. But if you think that you can accept him as he is once and for all - then do so, and enjoy other things in your marriage.
2007-02-25 09:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is sex to a man, and if he wherent interested in you I'm sure theres other signs that are obious, like maybe having dumb fights, is he gone most of the time with dumb excuses about where hes at? if not, then maybe he just feels embarrased about the situation, some people cant just as easy call and ask about personal things, even to a doctor, and it will just put him down and depress him.
Oh and about not being able to solve this within 8yrs well, It shouldnt take that long to figure out weather or not he is impotent , not interested or just gay.
2007-02-25 09:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by sgsabs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage has not been consummated you have grounds for divorce.....No matter what you enjoy ,you can't make someone do the same....You fought the good fight , your husband is probably gay ........seriously
2007-02-25 09:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by cesare214 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you hung in for 8 years. I say good for you.
2007-02-25 09:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your the wrong sex. I mean he could be gay. Thats why he isn't interested in finding an answer...he knows it.
2007-02-25 09:47:10 · answer #7 · answered by ckgene 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're full of crap. I've read your other posts.
2007-02-25 09:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋