Am I emotionally deaf?

Question

My wife and I are now sleeping in different rooms for the past six weeks. I moved into the spare room as I was fed up with the arguments that occurred in bed. It seemed everytime I started to embrace her she would bring up a sensitive subject that she knows will fire a heated discussion at least. Our sex life dwindled as I found even when making love it felt as if she was just going through the motion.

I have tried going out for dinner with her etc, but once we get home she just goes straight to sleep, which leaves romance and sex out the door. Even last night we were sitting on the lounge and when I put my arm up to have her move in for a cuddle she moved over and then proceeded to tell me I am using emotional blackmail and forcing her to come to me???

We have been married 15 years and have a six year old daughter. I love my wife but she seems to me to be inserting more and more wedges to how we interact.

Anyone able to advise me as to what may be done?

Answer 1

seems like you are in touch with your emotions.... but i like the way you worded the question---so many people are emotionally deaf.

find out what she wants from you. if she can't tell you then suggest counseling so that maybe a third party could help her figure out her feelings.

i think that she is sending you messages but they are not clear.... it is hard to interpret unclear messages, so try to get her to word it diferently.... more productively....

good luck
]♥

Answer 2

Well, you know your getting the cold shoulder and there nothing a woman hates more than a man tries to kiss her a** just to get her to love you and have sex with you. Pretty plain she isn't in to you anymore and your disgusting her by keep on trying to get her to do something she don't want to do, so she brings up something negative just to get you to leave her alone. You need to talk to her and I feel a legal Separation away from each other would be your best bet, ask her see what she tells you.
Your marriage is in deep trouble and to me I don't think she loves you anymore and she doesn't know to tell you except push you away. She may have someone else or is wanting someone else and isn't very damn much you can do, but let her go. Listen, you can't make someone love if they don't and to keep on trying is only pushing her farther away. I don't think a counselor will do any good, just let her go and find what she is looking for and you need to own up to the fact she doesn't love you anymore. Sorry but that how I feel. Been there done that and You'll learn to survive. Hope You The Best Of Both Worlds.

Answer 3

Wow. It sounds like your marriage is in serious trouble. Those are some bright red warning signs flashing in your bedroom. I suggest that you tell her "I love you and I know that something major is wrong, and I want you to tell me exactly what it is so that we can decide together whether or not it can be fixed and how to fix it." If she gives you a great big grocery list of problems, tell her that you want to make things work, but that list is just too long to deal with right now. Tell her to take 24 hours and decide what the #1 most important problem is, and then come together to discuss it again.

Take some time alone to think about what she tells you. It won't do any good for you to get mad about it or place blame or deny it to yourself. After you have accepted that she's unhappy about whatever it is, think about how that makes you feel and then deal with the problem kindly. Decide if it can be fixed or not. If it can't, accept that. If it can be fixed, decide together what you can do to fix it and do that. See if it improves things. See if she's receptive to the changes.

Show her that you're willing to work on things. It might take a while, but if she cares about the marriage she'll eventually realize there are changes she needs to make, as well. Hopefully she'll follow your lead.

Answer 4

Wow. That's quite a situation you have on your hands there.

Is she possibly depressed? Depression will make someone act weird.

... Then again, so will an extramarrital affair.

Have you tried counseling? You may have said or done something a long time ago that she is unable to forgive you for. You may not even know that you did it. Women are weird like that.

It's hard to say what's wrong with her, but it sounds like it could be a case of depression. When you're depressed, you feel like no one really wants you, and that they ACT like they do just to make you feel better. That would certainly make it harder to get in the mood, wouldn't you say?

I would try to talk to her. See what's up. Don't get mad at her. Just explain to her that you love her, you care about your marriage, and you don't regret the marriage in any way at all.

... However, you have needs, too, and they two of you need to reach a compromise.

The best of luck to you, hon.

Answer 5

There are a number of things that could be going on here. It sounds like you two haven't even discussed what it is. Maybe her libido has decreased for physical reasons. Maybe you need to change your communication style so she feels more loved. Maybe she's simply exhausted. And sex drives do vary throughout the lifetime and not always at the same time for a couple.

First thing is to talk about it. If that doesn't fix it, try counselling so the two of you can get to the bottom of it.

Answer 6

Hate to tell you this friend, but it sounds as though the wife has someone else in her life that you don't know about. She is intentionally pushing you away out of guilt for what she is doing. It makes her feel less like a demon if she denys giving you any intimacy. That's the way I'd read her if she were my wife.

Answer 7

She wants you to hurt for loving her. Why that is, only she knows. It is in your better interest to take this into consideration. The sensative issues she brings up will less damaging effect. She is keeping you at a distance, no doubt. She might be trying to protect someone elses feelings. Not yours of course. I mean her man on the side. Feels like she would be cheating on him if she has intimacy with her husband. Hope thats not the case.

Answer 8

Your wife seems to be resentful. Tell her you want to discuss these issues but not in bed. Set some time aside so you can truly work on these problems outside of the bedroom and then do it.
The bedroom and especially the bed should only be used for two things, one of them sleeping.

Answer 9

even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other.. here is what i am trying to say.. let your wife take sometime away by herself. let her go to some spa for a week or two.. yes it might be exoensive but if it saves the marriage then go for it. sometimes people just need a lil bit of distance between each other to figure things out. tell her you love her and that you won;t push her. ask her wot she wants and tell her you will try to give it to her and let her know that you are not perfect and may need her help sometimes. tell her that deep down you are just a lil boy who gets his strength from her love and s'port.

Answer 10

It seems to me that you guys are having a major communication breakdown. She's trying to communicate something to you that you just can't seem to hear - and, in turn, is deaf to your communication. I think, it would be worth it to understand her position better; and for her, to gain more insight into what you're feeling. Have you given a thought to marital counseling? Perhaps a neutral third party trained in resolving these sorts of conflicts is just what you two need.