should i separate from my husband?

Question

we have been together for 9 years, 4 kids. i love him very much but i always make allowences for his insecurities, hes very selfish and moody with me for no reason. i dont feel loved or specail. i do love him loads, hes the love of my life but why does it have to be so hard?

Answer 1

i would love to be able to tell you what to do but unfortunatly only you know the answer. maybe not right now but you will in time.

all i can really say is that if you love him you need to exhaust every avenue before you leave. so you know you did your best.

you only get one life. you should consider your children first but you also have to look after number one. if that sounds selfish i'm sorry but its true.

good luck x

Answer 2

Some of these people are such S**ts. I understand why you ask on here. Some times you feel like you have nowhere to tern. If you love him then there is a chance. you need to talk to each to each other. Find out what each other wants/needs. Counselling is the best approach. You have to try. You have to be honest with each other. You have four wonderful kids. You need to try for them. If after you try, you still feel the same then start to think about splitting. And you will have nothing to feel guilty about. If you have tried everything, and things dont change you will know in you heart you did everything to save your relationship. I truly understand where you are coming from. But at the end of the day if you have tried everything and you still feel the same, your kids wont thank you for staying because of them. They would rather you be happy. Take a look at yourself. Try and see yourself through fresh eyes. What do you want from the relationship? What do you want from life? Only you have the answers. You just have to look deep inside. I really hope you find the answers you are looking for. Good luck

Answer 3

Hi Soxpippa,

I'm sorry to hear about your delema,

I know exactly where you are comming from I was there myself last year. I'm 40 and 4 days older than my wife. We were together for 16 years and have 3 girls. I was missable all of the time because of how my home life was, but mainly how she treated me.

I tried to stay in it for the kids. I was lucky that she found a better job and I was able to see the writing on the wall. You need to do some real soul seaching. I purchased a program along time ago from the web called "should I stay or go" it helped me open up my eyes to how I was being treated.

If you have not tired martial counciling yet I would highly advise this. How you tried talking to him about it? I'm sorry to dis agree with you but he is being moody and selfish with you for a reason. It may not be directed at you but there is a reason why he is acting like that.

I am not a professional counciler but will be studying to become one soon. I have been told by many of my friends that I would make a good one. If you would like to feel free to contact me @ [e-mail]

Hang in there things will get better you have made it this far. Just remember it takes 2 to make a marriage work. I learned this the hard way.

By the way if you have young kids he may have a hard time dealing with them. As much as I love my kids I used to have a hard time with them and it would cause me to suffer from Anxiety which inturn would make me angery towards them or want to sleep from being stressed out all of the time.

I also was not aware of the fact that I had a medical condition called Hypothyroidism which can cause Anxiety and depression such as my case. Since I have switched medications I don't have this problem like I used to, but then again I no longer have this daily stress in my life either. I'm glad to hear you still love him, hang in there. Its not over till it's over.

But also remember that everyone wants and deserves to feel special and that if he can't or won't be there for you, you need to do what is best for you. Otherwise your children will be affected in a negitive way, they are very smart and can see what is really going on. You don't want them to learn that this is what love is supposed to be do you? I didn't and after doing some serious soul searching now know that leaving her is the best thing I have done for myself. By the way I am still friendly towards her.

Sincerly,
Buster

Answer 4

Sounds like a definite communication problem. It's going to take both of you being on the same page to rectify this problem. Divorce won't only hurt you but the children too.

Listenin to some of the hot tempered ones on here, very few consider the family as a whole. Very few people ever grasp how destructive divorce can be espcially in the long term.

By now, after 9 years, you have a lot invested in your marriage. Especially the children. When you got married you both extended the commitment by deciding to have children. Divorce weather you like it or not is aslo breaking a commitment of a stable family life to them.

Best of luck with your delima...I hope this helped.

Answer 5

Sounds like ur husband is very selfish and only cares about himself. He thinks he's the god of ur life and he controls ur life. It's unfair that u love him and he doesn't make u feel loved or special. Yes u should separate from ur husband if ur not happy with him but u must consider ur children at the same time. Yes it's hard for u but it's best to leave him for ur own good and find a new man that makes u feel loved and special if that's what u want.

Answer 6

Try marital counseling first. He doesn't sound like the worst guy in the world...there is a reason he is moody and insecure, find out what it is,....maybe just doesn't know how to communicate his feeling very well, he certainly would not be the first man with this issue! Don't throw in the towel yet--especially since you have 4 children together.

Answer 7

Do not divorce him get marriage counseling instead.. You love him, make it work. He probably loves you too but he maybe going through something that only getting help can fix.

I been married to my husband for 9 years also and I have 4 children too and I am miserable in my marriage because he ignores me, does not have sex with me, I sleep alone every night basically I am lonely. I have suggested that we get marriage counselling and he said that I need to go, not him. He is not willing to make it work.. I also love my husband but I am at a point that I can't take it anymore.. Good Luck to you!!!!

Answer 8

If you are honest with yourself, he's always been the way he is today, right? Only, in your earlier years, you just made excuses for him thinking that he would change as time progressed. Well, it won't happen, and when you truly do get tired, you won't be online asking this question, You will make your move. It was 31 yrs. for me to make up my mind, and now it's been almost 2 yrs of my being able to do the things that make me happy and go whenever without anyone to raise hell.

Answer 9

Sounds like you feel like you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking. It could just be a bad communication habit you've developed. Some counseling for both of you would do you good. Even if it does reveal it's time to split you'll know you tried everything.

Answer 10

Loving someone and being married is not always easy hon that is why it takes work and dedication . I suggest you seek help and counseling to learn how to deal with his moods and this marriage. Talk to him and see if he is open to going to marriage counseling with you. No in this case seperating from your husband is not the answer. He may also want to get checked out by a doctor for depression, stress, sugar and or bi-polar disorder.

http://www.marriagetoday.org

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