2007-02-25 09:20:28 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
need more details.........but first.....too bad you even have to go thru this! i just did too.....
you will go thru many emotions as this thing goes on.....either with your forgiveness and trying to make it work.....or booting her cheating ***# out and divorcing.....so, for now...take the time YOU need to deal with this...then slowly face the facts and sort them out. it will take a lot of time either way.
luckily, we are on the mend. i have forgiven, he is back in the house, but i WILL NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN...he has to earn back my respect and love, which he is doing. YOU are the injured party here..no matter what she says or trys to make YOu feel guilty.....she always had the chance to say NO and not do it.
without any background, does she know you know? does she want to make it work?
is she sorry? etc...
why did it happen?
our counselor told us that for 90 days my husband had to answer ANY questions I had honestly....to get it straight in MY mind and see where i was then.......and see if it was worth saving. tell her she must do the same. ANYTHING you want to know, she must confess......like other affairs etc......
good luck and may God guide you thru this terrible ordeal.
2007-02-25 09:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by STARZ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll feel terrible for a while, and you'll analyse just about every part of who you are. Its's a strange thing when your partner has an affair, the best of us always seem to think there must be something wrong with us. THERE ISN'T. If you love your wife and you really want to make things work then you need to talk to each other, my advise would be with some sort of mediator present, because you'll want answers she may not want to give.
Sometimes things like this happen because of other problems in your relationship, it's not always that they want someone else they just don't want to deal with the other problems.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but if you really want to sort things out you can.
2007-02-25 09:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump her and do not even think about giving her a 2nd chance, once the trust has gone in a relationship you can never get it back. Use your new found independence to do stuff in your life that you've always wanted to do.
Take up a new exercise and healthy eating regime, this will make you look and feel loads better.
Turn all the hate and bitterness you have towards her into positive motivation for everything you do in your new life. There are loads of good women out there, you'd be surprised at how easy they are to find in the modern day 'dating scene'.
2007-02-26 19:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by ben 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you taking her back and trying again? Or are you cutting your loses and moving on?
My ex of 5years cheated on me ... i took him back (idiot!) and he did it again. The first time - he was wrong. The second it was my fault because i took him back in the first place.
I was devestated, depressed beyond belief, didn't think i could make it through. But we do - we are resilient. Him cheating wasn't a reflection on me - i spent way to much time wondering what i could have done differently, wondering what was so wrong with ME that he had to look elsewhere. It took a long time to realise it wasn't ME it was HIM!
Fast forward to present day and i'm engaged to the most wonderful guy and we are expecting our first baby in 7 wks. The ex , and the pain, is a distant memory. But i can tell you that i ran into one of the ex's friends a few weeks back - apparently he is doing horribly - has created a big financial mess, can't keep a relationship going and things just aren't going well. Am i happy? No - i wouldn't have wished such misery upon him, but nor would i lose any sleep over it. I wish him well but if it doesn't happen? Well its no longer my problem. Karma? Possibly .
2007-02-25 11:30:23 · answer #4 · answered by Smiley One 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After all the shouting and carrying on,try sitting down together and talking about what went wrong with the relationship.
You need to find out if it is over or does she intend carrying on and calling it a day with your marriage.
If she is staying can you forgive her?,trusting her again will take a long time, don't ask for all the details as this will only haunt you for a long time to come.
Ask yourself do you really want her back.
As for feeling depressed don't nobody made her do this,and she is the one who will have to live with the fact for the rest of her life.
Look to friends and relatives to help you get over this,live for the future and forget the past,time is too short to dwell in the past.
Do not rush into another relationship,take time out and have fun.
2007-02-25 11:28:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Had the problem twice. Once with wife of 20 years, and once with partner of two years (2nd one from dating site). Theres no cure. There's no getting away from it. There's no forgetting. Theres no peace. There's no forgiving. Theres nothing except pain. NOTHING except time eases the pain.
THIS is the legacy of disloyalty. They won't feel it in the short term. Only when they're dumped (as they are in 90% of cases)do they realise it was just a 'fling' , and by that time their ex partners have found someone more worthy. You will NEVER trust her again , even if you forgive her.
You need friends and relatives to be with you just now. Realise that, this woman has been easily distracted from her position in her family by LUST and only lust. Unless you have been physically violent towards her, she deserves the pain she going to feel in the future when she realises what she has lost.
In the meantime...don't go drinking, it does'nt do any good and probably will do more harm. Join a dating site and find someone else. If nothing else, it will teach her a lesson.
2007-02-25 09:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by JohnH(UK) 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take my advice, don't try to fix it. It's like using paper mache to fill the cracks in the wall of your house.
You will always lie there at night wondering if the wall are going to fall down, you will NEVER trust her again.
Yes I know you are hurting, but going back will not make the pain go away, it will just be an open sore that you will never stop picking at.
This is a life changing event that will be hard to deal with, it will change you forever, you are now a different person from the one you were before you found out, nothing will change that, but it won't kill you either. So take the journey you have to take to heal yourself and revel in the pain a bit, because without pain you are dead.
2007-02-25 09:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife need to sit down and have a talk. Why did she feel she needed to have an affair? Is your marriage a happy one or on the rocks? I know this is a hard time for you, but you should not keep your emotions pent up inside. Let her know how you feel.
2007-03-05 06:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by BamaBelle810 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she had an affair and you found out and you still feel lonely, she must not be doing much to make it up to you. Get a divorce.
2007-02-25 09:28:47 · answer #9 · answered by HuniBuniBee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you may never feel great about it.... its quite normal to feel somewhat depressed about the emotional and ego blow... however you will be able to cope in time. give it time. a rebound always helps ;) but if you do feel like you have thoughts of suicide or the depression is too much, then talk to someone you are CLOSE to. not on the computer... and actual friend or family that you trust.
good luck
this to shall pass.
♥
2007-02-25 09:36:12 · answer #10 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋