I have been married twice to the same man. I feel in my heart that we are not right for each other but I stay for the kids. They are almost 18 and 15. I know I would be happier if I was out of this relationship. We don't talk and barely see each other. When we do talk, we fight. The kids want us to stay together no matter what. I need advice!!!! Should I stay or go?
2007-02-25 08:22:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was in the exact same mess...excuse me, position, as you find yourself now. It was a horrible waste of 10 good years of my life.
The kids have all sorts of wants, and wishes...happily ever after, and all that. Good luck to them when they get older...they are free to pursue that in their own lives, to the best of their abilities. However, they do not control your life.
In the final analysis, it's your life, and you shouldn't waste it on hopeless efforts. If you are suffering through a bad marriage, it's because you have not ended it. The kids are just bystanders, and are really not involved in the decision at all.
Took me almost 10 years to get that figured out, and the day I did was one of the best days of my life. I now have someone I am actually happy to see every day, I enjoy coming home from work, and no longer look for excuses to work overtime. I am a lot happier...except for the times I wonder why I wasted so much of my time...I just don't have a good answer for that one.
2007-02-25 08:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Joe 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this problem before with friends of our family. They had three children, and the only thing stopping them from a divorce was the kids. Might I add that each were having affairs and pretty much just lived in the same house as each other. I believe that if you are going through a similar situation to get out. Don't base it on what your children want you to do, because in the end, you are the parent and you should make the final decision. In the case that you do get a divorce, don't make the kids the victims of a nasty divorce. Try and make it so that they aren't in the middle. I hope I helped. Good luck
2007-02-25 16:29:39 · answer #2 · answered by Colleen O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can guarantee that if you get a divorce, your kids will get over it once they see how happy the two of you are when you're apart. Some people are not meant to stay together, and you're not doing ANYONE any favors by staying together in a miserable marriage.
What kind of example is that setting for your kids? Regardless of what you SAY, by your actions, you're telling them that it's okay to be miserable if it's to hold a family together.
Would you want them to remain in an otherwise unfulfilling marriage that was falling apart just for the sake of the kids? I don't think that you would.
You deserve to be happy. Your kids are old enough to understand. If they don't understand right at the onset of the separation, they will come to understand shortly thereafter when they realize that both of you are happier elsewhere.
2007-02-25 16:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your kids at 18 and 15 are probably getting less attention with the problems going on in the house thus giving them more freedom to live life the way they want to. If you are divorced it will give you more time to keep an eye on them and what they are doing. Your kids are old enough that they know staying in a miserable marriage isn't fair to you or your husband. They may have another motive in trying to keep you together. Do what's best to make yourself happy. The kids are old enough to get through the breakup just fine.
2007-02-25 16:38:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether the kids want you to or not you should do what you know is right in your heart. The kids may not realize it, but what they are learning is that this is a "normal" situation, and they will end up having their own relationship problems later in life. When kids don't see loving interaction between their parents, they don't learn how to do this themselves. You deserve to be loved and respected just like everyone else in the world, and you deserve happiness too. The kids may resent you at first, but reassure them that you love them more than anything in the world, and things will be okay. What does your husband think? If he is also willing to divorce, then maybe both of you could sit down with your kids and talk to them about it. Best of wishes....
2007-02-25 16:32:27 · answer #5 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this way you need to get a divorce! You would not want your children to stay in their marriage ( when they are) for the sake of the kids. Your kids are just that kids. You explaine to the best of your ability that you are just not happy. Children do not realize that two happy parents apart are much much better that two miserable parents together. You need to get happy and your spouse diserves the same and together you are not able to move on and be as happy as you can. I say go.
2007-02-25 16:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids were 24, 21, and 15 when me and their Mother got divorced. We both were very unhappy, and the kids knew it. After we got divorced, the kids asked us why we had waited so long to divorce, or at least seperate. We both were much happier, and really, better parents when we got out from under the stress of a loveless marriage. You need to do what is best for YOU. At best, the kids will be with you for a few more years, then go out on their own. You will have YOU for the rest of your life. Do what YOU need to do! They will adjust fine to it!! Good Luck!!
2007-02-25 16:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that life is too short. If your totally sure your not in love with this man don't stay for the kids they are practically adults. They will of coarse forgive you but you should be sure that this separation is what you want and not yo yo back and fourth that can hurt the kids. Good luck.
2007-02-25 16:32:28 · answer #8 · answered by Laura B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go leave why would you want to stay in a marriage when you are not happy i was the same way but i got out of it and now i am very happy i found someone that makes me very happy..
2007-02-25 16:29:19 · answer #9 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids will be better off with 2 happy parents living apart, than with 2 miserable parents living together.
2007-02-25 16:26:23 · answer #10 · answered by Carol G 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋