Do you date people with kids by a previous union?

Question

What is your stance - do you deal with the kids - ignore them....in the words of Dr Phil - How's that working for you?

I personally stay away from people with kids under the age of 18 - they can be trouble....

Answer 1

I totally agree. WAY TOO much drama with single parents of kids from other people.

Answer 2

A statement that kids under 18 are trouble is a narrow-minded way of viewing kids. If you feel that way, then yes, you should not date anyone with kids. The kids will suffer, you all will be miserable & it won't be worth it. Nowadays, with so many marriages ending in divorce & with so many people becoming parents outside of marriage, the chances are high that you will date someone who has children - especially if the person you are dating is their late 20's, 30's or even their 40's. I'm 45 & my kids are 8 & 17. My fiance is 46 & his kids are 11 & 13. We both knew when we dated each other, that our kids were part of the package. If you don't want or like kids, that is your prerogative, but if you feel that way, make sure you don't date someone who has kids. Don't deceive yourself into thinking the person is so wonderful that it doesn't matter. Trust me - it does. If the relationship goes anywhere serious, then the needs, feelings & dynamic of the kids do need to be taken into consideration.

My personal stance when I met my fiance, is that as a divorced mother, I wanted to meet someone who either had kids (& therefore knew what it is like to be a parent) or who didn't mind me having kids (because if he can't accept my kids, then I can't accept him). He had the same viewpoint toward any woman he dated. We therefore had no issue with this. Now that we are engaged however, we do have to consider the family dynamic that I have w/my kids since they live w/me, & how my fiance's own dynamic w/kids will fit into the picture. Fortunately, we all accept each other (his kids included) & get along well. It IS an adjustment though, so if you have any hesitation about dating someone with kids & have the attitude that they are trouble, then you should not date someone with kids. Understandably, kids SHOULD come first, above someone the kids' parents are dating. Kids have enough adjustments nowadays in just being kids. Throw into the mix the breakup of their parents & then their parents putting a new person into their lives, & I would say if the kids are "trouble", it is only that they are kids who are doing their best to understand & deal with the various situations that come up in their lives.

Answer 3

A lot of people aren't going to agree but someone elses kids can be trouble. Both bio parents must be good, consistent parents and hopefully agree on most issues. If they don't, the kids tend to sense that and play one side against the other.
If you choose to stay away from people with kids under 18, good for you. I've know too many people that SHOULD have stayed away from kids under 18.
The other factor is when a child is under 18, the non custodial parent is heavily involved. That can be really nice if he/she's a decent, involved parent, but if she/he's difficult, she can really complicate your current relationship.

Answer 4

My ex had a kid from a previous union. She was seven at the time. My son was two. There was nothing wrong with it. I would never treat someone elses kid differently than I would treat my own. That could cause severe resentment in the future.

I would NEVER ignore them. If I want to be with that someone, I have to accept the fact that it's a package deal. The kid comes, too.

There has been a situation where the kid's behavior is intolerable, and that required me to look into the future. In knowing that I would not be able to handle her behavior, I knew that it was not the right relationship, and I set him free to find someone else.

I don't mind kids in a relationship. Not one bit. They need to be well-behaved, though, and that's just one more qualification that the man in question would have to meet. Not only would he have to swoon me, but he would have to demonstrate his excellent parenting skills.

Answer 5

I would but I have to know up front what's going on with the guy is he in her life all the time, am I going to be looking over my shoulder I don't need that drama. Has he moved on or still trying to win her back? Is he in jail? Some question that I believe I should ask up front, not that I scared or anything just don't need in my life right now, no one is wroth all that, it's time to move on and keep walking.

But I will say WOW for the guys and girls out there that stay and work it out, it’s not the kids felt their parents are wicked.

So good luck to all those who stay, and good luck to those how close to walk a way.

Answer 6

im with someone that has a now 12 yr old i met her when she was 7 and she says she loves me now but it has been a tough road, with the mom and my bf's mom 12 yr old's grandma tries to under mine everything i do. For those of you that think it is ok because i am just the girl friend me my bf and his daughter live together so we are trying to make this work. problem is i want my own kids and he doesn't want anymore.

Answer 7

From experience. I am 25 with no kids. I am not ready for kids because I believe in getting married and then having them. I would prefer to be classified in the future as the wife not the baby-mama.I don't like dating men with kids or baby-mama drama. If they have baby-mama drama that tells me they aren't responsible enought, and if they attend their kids on time then they won't have a baby-mama haunting or chasing them down.

Answer 8

My only hitch is with people who say they aren't having any more. Call me egotistical, but I'd like to have some of my own. That's the biggest part of a relationship, in my opinion. Otherwise, kids are cool.

Answer 9

depends on how much you really like, love the person you want to be with. sometimes the younger the better, if it were someone you really loved and wanted a life with,the younger the kids ,the more chance they would grow up the way you prefer. (good and bad in ether)

Answer 10

Since I have kids I wouldn't mind the other person having kids!