how do i get over feeling this way?

Question

me and my husband seperated for a while but are now back together and its good. we are kinder to each other and more loving. except my feelings are getting in the way, i feel so sad that we lost this time together and i get anxious when i think of the time we spent apart. i feel that i let my marriage down, i have learnt alot from all of this and realised how much we love each other. but the "safe ' feeling i once had is gone and i feel scared. i feel like ive lost my spirit inside. i look at him and i want to cry because we nearly lost everything. how do i get over these feelings and be happy with my lovely husband who i love so much?

Please help me, or tell me your stories. xxx

Answer 1

I feel for you I really do. My husband and I separated and then gave it another shot. I felt exactly the same way as you do now. Eventually this insecurity pushed him away and we are now divorced. In hindsight I wish I hadn't worried so much as it stopped me from fully focusing on repairing my marriage.

Don't let your worries spoil things. As my mum always says (and she is always right lol) 'everything that happens, happens for a reason'. You two are back together, the love is still there. Enjoy it, live it and don't worry about the past, its gone, just focus on your future together - i'm sure its bright. Good luck xxx

Answer 2

The same thing happened to me, to make a long story short, I didn't show him any appreciation, respect, affection, support...etc...I knew I was doing this but didn't do anything until he kicked me out for two weeks, brought me all of my stuff back to my hometown, and gave one of our dogs away, and also cancelled our credit cards together. So it was serious. I was so sure we were going to get a divorce. I started going to counseling, and I decided that I wasn't going to do this to him anymore or my next bf or husband, and I decided to get real and get down to the real problem. I did. My husband saw that and we have been back together for over a month.
Everything is better now. I know what a wife should be to their husband. A support system. I'm more submissive to him because I now know that that's my job, and that's what we both want since we want a traditional marriage.
I feel bad that I treated my husband this way, but listen carefully, if you dwell on the past you will be depressed (which you are) and if you look into the future you will be anxious. Focus on today and today only. Make sure that you have sincerely apologized to your husband and you need to ask for his forgiveness. You have to be able to forgive yourself before you can move forward. Live for today, don't think about the time lost and the mistakes you made. We learn from them, and try not to go back to making those mistakes again. I hope this helps, but, you can always email me. Good luck and congrats on a second chance! :)

Answer 3

How very heartening it is to hear about two people rebuilding their lives together.
The cost of the separation will be minimized, whittled down to next to nothing, the more your life together flourishes. You work at it day by day.
Analogy: Bought an expensive sewing machine. The first thing I made with it cost the full price. Now, the cost of the machine doesn't figure in anymore. It has paid for itself a hundred times over.
If you believe that everything happens for a reason, you will understand that what happened was the only way you could have the potential for happiness that you have, now.

Answer 4

Hi Sweetie ... time is the only thing that will "cure" this and restore your trust (aka safe feeling). Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about the lost time in the past; however, you can control what time you lose now. Are you going to be asking yourself in 6 months time why did you spend so much wasted time worrying over wasted time? Let it go, Sweets, be thankful that you both have learned to appreciate each other and restore your relationship. Trust will come with time. Whether he admits it or not, your husband needs it to be restored as well. As Keith Urban says, that can only be done by "making memories of US" ;) God bless you and your marriage.

Answer 5

every one has to make a mistake some point. This was just one of them. You should look at what it has done for you and stop looking of what you could of had. Life is never perfect but know you found your parent it's less confusing. The only thing you can do is move on and accept the fact you two are back together, and the more time you spend thinking about the time you loss is losing more time.

Answer 6

Congratulations on getting back together. Sometimes a little time apart is all anyone needs. It makes you appreciate what you had/have. You should enjoy everyday that you have together now, because you've been given a second chance. They say to treat every day as if it were your last, and you should, because you never know what is going to happen from day to day. Don't dwell on the past, concentrate on what you have now. If you live your life in the past you can't move on with your future.

Answer 7

As with most things in life, look forward not back. Don't dwell on past, troublesome situations. If you've got your relationship back, then great! Think of the positives, always. Perhaps you have depressive tendencies (I'm only guessing here) which lead to negative thinking. You gotta break out of that and look forward. Naturally, you're going to feel insecure as you've been through a break-up. You obviously love this man. Appreciate what you've got right now, cos you're one of the fortunate ones. Some people never get back what they lost x

Answer 8

you've got through the bad and now look forward to the good/ you have all the things needed to get back together again and don't feel scared it will pass and bury yourselves in each other and learn to be happy in each others company and as they say let the world go round you! Good luck ever thing will be OK you'll see

Answer 9

you need to forgive yourself and realize that the time apart was apparently a good thing. if it weren't for the separation, would you be getting along as well as you are.? you've found something that wasn't really lost to begin with. be grateful that you found it before it was to late. try to see things that way instead of dwelling on what might have been. glad your back together.

Answer 10

hello woman26
I have had marriage troubles in the past they were my fault, but my wife forgave me.
I now have adopted a philosophy of 5 life guides - it works and my life seems much better.
1. Free your heart from hatred -forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Good luck. [e-mail]