The courts have issued a stay-away order for my husband, because he has violent tendencies towards me. I want to stay hopeful, and will pray for his return to mental health. I realize that it is all up to him. While I understand the odds are against us being together, has anyone ever had success? Has anyone ever undergone anger management and has come out of it a better, more aware person? Has anyone ever been an abuser in a relationship and then actually changed and started appreciating their family more? I have invested so much in this person.
2007-02-25 07:20:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start investing in YOU by moving on. Harsh, but true! Even if he gets better, you will mature and probably resent him (rightfully!) for the time you lost trying to "heal & forgive"
2007-02-25 07:30:01 · answer #1 · answered by DC818 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different but I will let you know my story. My husband and I split up in 1997 when my son was 5 months old. He was abusive and we fought all the time. We went our separate ways but kept in contact so that he could have a relationship with his son. He ended up going to anger management and taking a good look at his life. I also had to take a look at myself and realize that I was worth more than I was getting and that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. The time apart helped me realize that I am a strong confident woman who can take care of herself. Long story short - after 9 years apart we have reconciled and while things aren't easy, they are working out. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-25 15:38:35 · answer #2 · answered by Kim W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have known people that admitted they were wrong, but did they completely change and treat their spouse/mate lovingly, no. I think it is more important for you to figure out why you want to continue a relationship that clearly has emotional issues that are not normal, and to be around someone who physically and emotionally harms you. Are you more aware since all this happened? Do you think it can happen again? I do. Grow and mature, take care of your family and offer them strength and teach them how to not get involved with these abusers. Get yourself a good dose of self esteem, believe you can do it on your own, and don't let another man just beat you down and control you, that's what it's about...........control. Good luck.
2007-02-25 15:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was divorced in Oct06. We separated in May06. She was the violent one but I was the one who faced the battery charge. I made up in my mind that I was gonna be a better man from this. I admit that I miss my little family. Looking back if I had it all over to do again. I would've looked for successful couples to talk to, went to counseling, or went to a church pastor to find out what made us get to the level that that kind of mistreatment of each other happened. If I were you, I would hold your cards and not let him know how you really feel. It is good that you have TRUE love by seeing something in him worth missing or holding on to. Life pressures us so much that you really might not know what's really going on with him (insecurity, financial woes, hard-knocks). Before you get back into such a situation seek help with him and if you don't get to the root of dealing with the matter move on. No man wants to lessen himself like that, something is going on he is just not man enough to tell you about it. BE SAFE AND TAKE CARE -- shonuff
2007-02-25 16:30:15 · answer #4 · answered by Shonuff Rowdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is not what you want to hear but he is not going to change. A person is who they are. Nothing anyone can do will change him from being an abuser. The best thing you can do is move on and stay away from him. Good luck
2007-02-25 15:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by twilite44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've got experience in this matter, not as a spouse, but as a paramedic and a cop. Although you've invested alot of time, money and energy in this individual, they'll never change unless they truly want to. I applaud you getting the legal system involved....some women are even too afraid to do that. Eventually you're going to have to make a choice, either get back with him, or dump him forever. If you decide to take him back, then it'll have to be on your terms....if he goes back to his old ways...then you're back at square one and you'll have to dump him.....quickly. I've seen this time and time again, these poor ladies just keep on taking them back, and keep on becoming a punching bag for these guys. So think about things very carefully......sleep on it over night....then think again very carefully the next day. Weigh out your pros and cons. Trust me when I say this: It's better to be single and lonely, then married and miserable. Best of luck to you.
2007-02-25 15:30:53 · answer #6 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom was physically abused for 10 years and finally took a stand and had my dad arrested. During that time he underwent anger management, AA and psychological evaluations. Their separation period was 6 months. After he retutned the physical abuse stopped but he's still a bully by nature - even if he isn't physically hitting her anymore.
2007-02-25 15:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No success story here, sorry.
2007-02-25 15:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋