I add unnecessary pronouns !!?

Question

My teacher till me that I add unnecessary pronouns in my sentence and this my sentence weak so what I can do to avoid this?

Answer 1

The rule of a good sentence is:

To convey a thought or information as PRECISELY and CONCISELY as possible.

This means the right words in the right order using the least amount of words possible.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs.

Ok, great for keyboarding as it uses every letter. Great for poetry and even fiction prose.

The fox jumped over the dogs.

It gets right to the point and uses two nouns and one verb and a modifier and a preposition.

The quick brown fox, a type of animal, jumped over the lazy German shepard dogs, which is another animal.

That's over using nouns and pronouns.

The brown fox jumped over the German Shepards.

That's sufficient.

The ONLY time you would overuse is in a technical work where you are trying to ROTE something into the reader or where the reader is a novice.

A cathode ray tube (CRT) is a type of electronic device akin to the diode tube, we previouisly learned about and the triode tube that was being worked on by others, using a hot cathode that burns electrons (particles of energy from atoms) at the back of the tube and a magnetic field to direct these electrons to the plate at the front of the tube, which is a wire mesh that sits near a large glass plate coated with chemical phosophrous that glows when struck by an electric charge, such as the electrons generated by the CRT.

This sentence is very wrong from a traditional stand point of view, but it almost needs to be done to give an explaination of the device you are mentioning lightly before moving on to something else.

That sentence rambles horrible and uses nouns and pronouns and isnt' very cohesive as sentences go, but it conveys a thought to the average reader who knows a little more and as I continue to write they will put the pieces together.

Now, if I was giving a dissertation on the CRT, I'd break that sentence into many paragraphs over several pages and go into great detail.

Answer 2

One thing you can do is read and try to imitate good grammar as found in grammar books at school. They exist for a reason. Use them! Also, listen to the speaking style of educated people, especially your English teachers, and try to speak as they do, while retaining your own individuality.