i have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. He is very kind, respectful, funny and we share the same beliefs. We rarely fight, which we both love. However, for the past month or so I have had weird feelings, and I question whether or not I want to be with him. Its really weird because Ive never gone through this before. I feel like I just want 'me time,' to hang out with my friends, focus on school and sports and not have to call him and what not, and lately every little thing he does annoys me. I have tried taking a break with him, but I cried for two days straight and couldn't do it. I dont really have the will to partake in sexual activities, either. But then again, when I think of certain songs it reminds me of how things used to be and it makes me really happy and sad at the same time, because I have hope that things could be like that again. I have talked to him about it, he said he's been through it too & hasn't done anything to make me not want to be with him.
2007-02-25 07:16:01 · 28 answers · asked by Manda * 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is very normal to feel you need your space, that is why people should not be so clingy...you must have your friend and your life and so shoudld he...you really must not tell him everything you feel as it makes him think you are a wishy washy....sorry to say that but its hard when you have a solid gf and overnight she feels different...
Go through your feelings and adjustments...and what have you and just tell him you are doing other things...do not lie to him, just tell him you would like to do this and that and the other alone...you are a grown person,....then when you get steady...get back with him...must not get dramatic....
Good luck
2007-03-05 06:00:09 · answer #1 · answered by Ariana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GinaB, Starz, and LaRhondaV are correct. You have this great guy...have been with him for two and a half great years. He has done nothing to hurt or disappoint you; and he hasn't let you down.
Yet you feel wierd, and wonder if you want to be with him.
You mention that you want 'you' time. Time to do the other things you love as well. You want to focus on school and spend time with your friends.
It seems that you don't believe this is possible with your young man in your life. You tried taking a break from him, and cried for two days straight.
Instead of taking a break form your wonderful person, can't you try to blend time with him, with things you want to do? Instead of breaking it off completely.
You know him. Can't you have a talk with him? Tell him what you have posted here, and work out something that suits you both?
You never said that you told him how you were feeling. Not that you feel wierd, but everything else.
You probably hurt him when you took a break. Instead of putting you both through further drama, talk to him. Have a discussion or two.
You didn't mention someone else, so I presume, that is not an issue.
Work it out, and try to see things from BOTH of your sides when he responds. Don't be defensive, and be open-minded and understanding. You know how you feel, let him have his say.
On the subject of sex, you shouldn't have started down that road, but you need to discuss whether you two should continue. The abscence of sex should not affect a loving committed relationship, no matter how old you are. What if one of you were injured and couldn't have sex any more? Same difference. A few years down the line you will handle this aspect of your relationship better, because you two will be older.
Spend time involved in other things, just don't neglect each other.
Don't be inconsiderate, and insensitive. Keep your word to each other, keep your promises. If you have plans to see each other, make sure to let nothing get in the way of that. Make your time special. And you don't necassarily have to spend the time with other people. This is the time allotted to the two of you, whether it is 3 days or a few minutes each day. Call frequently, you are going to miss each other, and contact is important.
Don't be unkind. Sincerely try to think of his side too.This is not going to be easy. But with a solid plan that you both agree on (and be willing to consider his input, since he is important to you and vice versa) the time apart will feel like time together. Remember to discuss the things you do away from each other. You will very likely want to know. And include each other in your 'away' activities occasionally, so you can each still be involved in most of the things you do. Extend the invitation now & then.
And talk. Talk a lot. Those will be the times you touch bases and connect a few minutes (or free hours a day). So you know the other is still there, even if they aren't THERE.
If you share the same faith, and attend the same church, you can let that be one of the days you spend together.
I'm just offering suggestions.
I hope you two can find a way to still be together and spend time apart.
God bless you.
I hope I understood your problem.
And I hope this helps.
2007-03-05 06:27:51 · answer #2 · answered by 1985 & going strong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same way. Usually I get like that when I feel like the person knows me to well cause I'm afraid of getting to close. I don't like to get hurt, the past couple of times I haven't held back anything and my past 2 ex's have cheated on me. Now I'm with this amazing guy, alot like yours the only difference is we've been together for about a month, and I'm already feeling this way. But I feel bad because he lives 4 hrs away and he comes to see me every weekend, and brings me flowers, and try's so hard to make me so happy. The sad part is he does make me happier than anyone could ever imagine. As bad as I want to be a wife and a mother, I also don't want to be tied down, mainly because I think I'm afraid I'm going to fail and I don't want to do that. I know my relationship is nothing like yours in any way or the way I feel but sometimes it's nice to know. If I were you I'd think about possibly just taking a little break it's not the same as breaking up, but also remember that two and a half years is a very long and successful trip. Not many couples can say that they've been with someone for over a year, me being one of them. You're a lucky person, but you do need your time and space. Just explain it to him, he seems very understanding.
2007-03-04 18:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we confuse comfort and familiarity with love. It sounded as though you loved him and I am sure you have 100% genuine feelings for him and love him for who he is and what he believe in but you are not full filled and need to move on. Please don't be so hard on yourself, this is normal. And I think you will be making a big mistake if you do not act on your feelings because the way you are describing how you are acting towards him will eventually anger him or hurt him and you will end up breaking up in a hurtful way.
Maybe you do need a break, which is normal. I had a friend in your same situation and they broke up a for three years. They both focused on their careers, hobbies, life and eventually full filled their dreams. They met one day to catch up and to make a long story short, they are now married for 16 years, happily.
So, cry if you need to when you take your time away. There is nothing wrong with crying. it cleanses the soul and after-wards it should leave a clear mind on what your plans will be. Remember, you won't cry forever, it will pass, although it will feel like a lifetime. But do what you need to do, go with your feelings because it could be the best thing that you have ever done.
Good luck.
2007-03-05 07:18:30 · answer #4 · answered by megabites42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I understand that in relationships things get like this after being with someone for a while. Do you think that maybe you have seen someone else you like, or something of that sort. Because if the other person has done nothing to make you not interested in him, htne someone else has caught your attention. Is some other guy whispering sweet nothings in your ear? Just curious. Or are you sure that your boyfriend has done nothing to you to make you feel this way. Good memeries will always be with us no matter who we are with. Memories are just that, "memories". All I suggest that you should try this time is try not to get upset when he talks to you, be patient because you wouldn't want to make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life. Try taking a break for a while, go visit family or friends away. Take your mind away from him for a while, focus on something else. Then after that see what will happen, because right now if you make a decision it will not be out of your better thoughts. And we shouldn't make decisions as najor as this when we feel like the way you feel. Good luck
2007-03-05 05:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by petty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl, because your relationship with him is too perfect i pressumed thats why! here some example imagine that you eat beef steak almost everyday what will be youre feeling of course youre mind will tell you "again" you know the exitement in your relationship was gone and you feel bored because you have the same ideas over and over. You need to take a break not really parting ways but give yourself to enjoy different things seeing each other maybe once a week, i tell you this will work.if you are familiar with the song heaven Knows try to listen the words of this song and trust me its true. If you really love him just set him free and if he returns in kind I am pretty sure you are meant to each other cause heaven knows. I hope i'd help you.........good luck
2007-03-04 18:24:36 · answer #6 · answered by jody 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are at a crossroads in your maturity. You want to hang onto that single life of individuality and yet you don't want to lose that security of being tied down to one person. It's called maturing. You aren't going nuts. You just need to decide if this time in your life is for exploring the final days, months, years of sowing your wild oats or if it's time to put that time of your life in the memories basket and move towards commitment to a longlife relationship leading to possible marriage. If the school you are referring to is high school, then you need to step back from the serious relationship and enjoy life as a single person for a while. Trust me - you are not an old maid and have a long long long life ahead of you to get tied down. If the school you talk about is college, again, take a step back and get your degree before commiting yourself to someone. Either way, it sounds as though you need to quit looking at your relationship as the most important thing you have in life. Concentrate on enjoying these other things(school, friends, sports) they are the things that you regret not doing when you are too old or busy to enjoy after you do decide to settle down and make that special person your main priority.
2007-02-25 08:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe each of you "are growing in different directions?"
The needs you had at the beginning of your relationship have probably changed for at least one of you? So perhaps it's a good time to sit down and have an honest 'one-to-one conversation' about where things are headed?
Just don't have the chat at the end of a long workday. Most people are usually GRUMPY if they've put in an 8-12 hours worth of work? Save the conversation for the weekend...when the 2 of you are more relaxed...and hopefully...coherent??
2007-03-05 04:41:54 · answer #8 · answered by argytunes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the kind of things that you two used to do when you guys first met. It'll rekindle that spark, and bring you a deeper connection. I still flirt with my husband, wear the clothes he likes to see me in, and giggle like I used to. Don't let songs remind you of how things used to be, let the songs remind you of how things are today. The easiest thing to do is to start thinking of all the great qualities and good times you guys used to have, and not thinking about the negative. Positive thoughts can bring out a positive attitude in you, thus helping to rekindle your spark and connection. I hope everything works out for you two!
2007-02-25 07:45:05 · answer #9 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit back and think of what made you fall in love with this guy and has he brought real happiness to you and loves you truly! What you think about him being with you in the future. Sometimes we expect something out of our partner and if that doesn't happen we get upset with them. Same happening with me but think about the 2.5 years you spent together. Tell him what you think and what you expect in this relation. Do things that you two haven't done till now. If you bring some difference and changes it will work all fine. But both have to work towards that. Good luck!
2007-03-04 01:40:22 · answer #10 · answered by mildew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋