Dont know what to do with friends?!?!??!?

Question

Hi,
I work full time whist all of my friends that i had at school are still at college/uni. The problem is they are really childish and as i work with older, more mature people i have grown up fast and am a lot more mature and sensible about things than they are. I really find it difficult when we go out anywhere as they seem to act like little children which is really annoying.
There is also another thing, my friends aren't girly girls either, they prefer trainers, and casual clothes so when ever we go to a pub they stand out like a sore thumb which really gets me down as i'd like to be able to go out, have a good time like everyone else my age. :(

I dont know what to do, i cant say anything to them about it as i dont want them thinking i dont want to be their friends or to hurt their feelings as i do like them but i do think its time they grew up and started to act their age.

Dont know if anyone has the same problems?

Any help appreciated.

Thanks

Answer 1

You need to focus on what you'd like as the replacement for these things and then work out if you can coach your friends along these lines.

It's not worth dropping friends cos someone's wearing trainers, for example. Behaviour is changeable and you can perhaps tell them the effect that their behaviour has on you. Be prepared to be patient as they will need to find their own motivation to change, or not. They might not agree to anything and you each need to respect each other's differences.

But, maybe you could form new friends who share the qualities that you prefer and then mix the social groups a bit.

Consider that you also have a choice about when and how you meet. Perhaps see them in each other's homes or somewhere you don't see them so much of now.

It's a strange thing how people can move their separate ways after knowing each other for years. This is also entirely natural, as younger people are often held together by their location, perhaps more than other things. People do mature at different rates too, so they may catch up with you, if they are lagging.

Good luck! Rob

Answer 2

They are not doing anything wrong they are still at school, uni etc. you would be acting exactly the same if you were still with them, instead you are at work which as you say has helped you to mature. But instead of criticising your friends cant you don trainers and jeans for one night now and again and really enjoy yourself with them, they are not going to be able to buy lots of clothes on pocket money or a Saturday job. Do not lose these friends, they are the roots of your childhood. As time goes by you will meet people you work with who you can go out with "dressed up" and you will be enjoying yourself in a grown up way. Dont try to act too old too soon enjoy life as it comes and if it means acting silly now and again with your ex school chums then do so and be pleased that they still want you with them. Good luck, growing up is hard to do, dont lose track of your friends you may need them one day and they will start work soon and mature.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like they ARE acting their age, but you're not. You said yourself that you have a different life than they do. You're the one who is odd, not them. And odd isn't necessarily a bad thing. But you need to stop thinking that everyone around you should be at the same place in life that you're in, when they're not having the same experiences that you're having.

If you want to hang out with more "grown up" people, then ask some people from work to hang out. There's nothing wrong with having two or more sets of friends. But watch out about cutting them off completely, Even if you think you're sooooo far beyond their level, you're really not in a lot of ways. You'll still need friends your own age, because those grown up people will have plenty of things going on that will be beyond your understanding.

Answer 4

Maybe you should try talking to them and telling them how you feel ? Or you could hang out with people which are mature like you ? But who wants to act grown up and mature ? You have the rest of you re life to be mature and stuff ??

Answer 5

Don't really know what to say like you said you do like them maybe just limit time with them for a little while then see if you still feel same they'll probably mature soon enough to you know,we can't really make our friends change to our liking we love them for what they are that's why we pick them as our friends after all,good luck though.

Answer 6

Its usually difficult to bridge the gap in friendships especially if you have progressed before them and if they are still bound to your childhood memories.You need to try and make them aware of the stage in your life you are in without dissing them, you also need to be honest about your feelings regarding certain behaviours.All the same they are your friends and you should try and also accept that they might not yet be at the level of life yet and don't stop creating beautiful memories, you have your entire lives ahaead, appreciate what they are now, you might miss it later.

Answer 7

read your question and the program, from ladette to lady came to mind, you being the lady and your mates the ladettes. sounds like you could do with a new influx of mates. have you tried joining a club or doing some evening classes that is a good way of meeting new people. perhaps if that doesn't appeal to you you could put an advert in your local paper along the lines of,young Lady (your age) wishes to meet straight girls for evenings out ,no ladettes please.

Answer 8

Thats the problem with growing up,you also grow apart from school friends.Maybe you should suggest meeting them for lunch instead of going to the pub.Can you not go out with your new work mates.Your friends will of noticed the change in you as well.

Answer 9

You've just grown up. Give your friends an opportrunity to do also. They do not share the same learning curve you've had.
Let them learn from your examples. Its a shame you cannot
be paid in any coin except their continued good company. Maybe they can introduce you to someone who has his feet in both worlds. Would that make it worth the effort?

Answer 10

I really believe you should tell them about it. You will do a lot of good to them by telling them that they need to improve their dressing, but my suggestion is that you have to tell them individually, else the fear you expressed will come to reality. Keep the friendship but bring them up, you are opportuned to be were you are for their betterment, do it to improve their lives. No man is an island remember?