Single moms with a toddler and another on the way?

Question

I left a nearly 10-year marriage shortly after my first child was born, because my ex was having an affair. I am quite unexpectedly pregnant again and terrified about whether I can adequately care for two children on my own. (FYI: I'm in my 30s, in the middle of a huge career shift, and I also have some chronic health problems.)
Have any of you been in a similar situation, and can you offer any advice? I'd like a broad range of opinions, but if you feel the need to tell me to keep my legs closed, please save it. I'm beating myself up over it quite enough, thank you.

Answer 1

It looks harder than it actually is. We moms do what we need to do to get the job done. Don't worry, because worry zaps your positive energy and leaves you with nothing.

Get organized! Once you have all your ducks in a row, you will certainly feel a lot better about having this baby. See if there is a daycare where you can get a discount for additional children. Talk to the father of this baby (even if you really don't want to) and see what he can do as a father. You *might* be pleasantly surprised. It's becoming more fashionable for men to step up, so don't assume anything. Get all the facts and use these things to your advantage.

Remember you're not the first to do this. Lots of women have done it with MORE kids and less resources. Contact your local public aid office, if you haven't already. See what services you can apply for and recieve to help you. That's what it's for, to HELP YOU- you paid taxes into it, now it's your turn to reap those benefits.

Answer 2

Hi girl. You should email me. I am a single mom of a grade school child and I am pregnant. I am also a student in my 30's. The only difference between us is that I was never married and I am not 'beating myself up'. My kids have a great home. We are so happy. And I am really excited about number too. As you know and see looking at the world, a two parent home is not necessarily happier or healthier then many single parent homes. It is the quality, not the type of home. You sound down, I have those moments, especially when first pregnant and you have that 'omg, how will I do this?' email me if you want. We have alot in common

Answer 3

Stop being so hard on your self first of all. I am in my 30's and life is not close to perfect for me either. We all wind up from time to time in a not so great of a situation. Constant conversation with your friends and family will help as long as you talk to the smart ones. I am in a career shift also and alittle terrified so I understand that part. Definitely look for a good guy they are hard to find but they are out there. Woman have an easier time people in my opinion so get out there you will be ok.

Answer 4

you don't need to "keep your legs closed" you just need to use protection. People just don't get it when people "mess up" and get prego and cant take care of it we the tax payers end up with the responsibility. So for you to get on here acting all unsure of what to do all I can say is figure out daycare and a job. Its your child and you need to do what is right. Single parent or not. Good luck BC is allot cheaper then a child.

Answer 5

My mom managed with 3 girls and a career. Yes, things did get rough sometimes but in the end she is my hero. Nothing stopped her from taking care of us and even though we are grown (I am the youngest at 26) we still can call on her and she is there for us. You can do it. You will prove it to yourself and when your children grow up they will know what you sacrificed for them. Trust me. They will love you even more for it! Good luck

Answer 6

hi.i had a 2 year old with my husband and we planned another one.when i was 7 months pregnant he also had an affair and left me.when the wee one was born i agonised for months and found it a real struggle.but you know what.you can do it!! you just do your best,take any help thats given to you,learn to budget and finally make sure you can get a break sometimes.even if its just an hours walk in the park. all the best to you.be strong :)

Answer 7

My sympathies. What you are embarking on is exceedingly hard. Is there anything that you can do to simplify and reduce the problem? Can you abort the career shift? Afford nanny help? Rely on grandparents?

You need both more support and some very practical assistance.

Answer 8

im pregnant with my second too ...my daughter is 14 months old and im 36 wks pregnant im trying to deal with my hubby in jail...I got pregnant at 17 and had my first at 18 then right now im 19 yrs old and im going to raise my 2 kids for a little time on my own i hope not for years im hoping at least for as little as some months...but im gonna have to deal just be strong cause if someone older than me wont be strong i cant be strong...(no offense) good luck ! and take care God bless you and your lil ones!

Answer 9

you can get through this... I totally agree with ray... just talk to your closest family and friends for motivation and you will get through this. you CAN take care of 2 children, make sure you go after child support, what about getting a roommate for some extra income? or a cheap live in nanny help while you work? the possibilities are endless you just need to get positive and motivated. good luck.

Answer 10

I am in this situation myself. I am about to have a baby in mid March. I applied for state assistence for EVERYTHING. It's crappy, but they are here for people who need it. It made me feel bad at first, but it's not as if I wanted to be in this situation. I enjoy being able to take care of my own responsibilities, but sometimes we have set backs. Do what you need to do and take care of your kids. They are what matters!!! Take Care.