Dear Dorothy Dix: How can a wife tell when her husband loves her? I have been married ten years, and my husband and I quarrel constantly. He beats me and swears at me, and then tells me how much he loves me and cries over it all. Now I would like to leave him and go back to my folks, but he won't let me go. Says he can't bear to be separated from me. Please tell me what to do. Do you think he really loves me? UNHAPPY WIFE (Chicago Sun-Times)
In my understanding of this story i would say...it's not a healthy love:) what you think??
2007-02-25 06:22:08 · 24 answers · asked by kashmala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks all of you! I think we all missing something here... it's asking "Specify the the conditions under which you would say "yes". at the end of that story she asked..."Do you think he really loves me? . that was the question..of course we all will say NO he doesn't love you. but its asking.. there are some condition in which you say "Yes". what that conditon would be? I really appreciates all answers you guyes posted and touch my heart too:). you answer right but I need little more information.. read question again...Thanks Again.. you all are really helpful.
2007-02-26 02:56:32 · update #1
get out as soon as you can
2007-02-25 06:25:02 · answer #1 · answered by ftballtwenty1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you here this is not a kind of healthy love at all. He does not love her at all or he would not be hitting and beating on her in the first place. She definitley needs to leave him and go back to her parents or somewhere he is not able to find her and hurt her anymore. She needs to get out of there ASAP and file for a divorce. He does not love her at all.
2007-02-25 15:08:49 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak with low self esteem. It makes him feel like a man to control another person through fear. It puts him on an ego trip because he has made her think that nobody else will love her, therefore, she isn't worth anything to anyone else. She needs to get away from him and get help for the abuse. Down the road she will realize that she has worth and has alot to offer someone who will truly love her and treat her with dignity and respect.
2007-02-25 14:44:56 · answer #3 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*EDIT*
Could this possibly be love, and if it were possible, what conditions would suggest that?
If she were disabled.... and the reason I say that is because my uncle was a caregiver for my aunt who was parapalegic. He felt dedication to her, but he missed the times they could do things together. He wasn't kind at times, and even begged her to kill herself once when he'd gone on too long with no help, but he didn't feel that anybody would be as attentive to her as he was normally willing to be.
He could have abandoned her and she would have gone to a full care facility, but he cared about the lives they shared before she became disabled.
So it could be love mixed with exhaustion.
_________________________________________________
I would say it isn't actually a "love".
It is more a dependence, similar to being dependent on a drug.
You may want to be able to live without it, but its absence disrupts your life enough that you manipulate to keep it.
Love is one of those things that "let's go" if the relationship isn't mutually beneficial (and it may be that this one is).
I would say the addiction is self-perpetuating or she would already be gone.
Live well~
2007-02-25 14:37:05 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not a healthy love - he abuses her, gives enough lip service to keep her from leaving and then repeats his behaviour. How many times does a person have to hear it won't happen again after which it does happen again before stop believing the crap?
2007-02-25 14:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this situation is not healthy. Love should never feel like that! Where there's a will there's a way & this woman will escape his cluthes when the time is right. He has to sleep sometime!
2007-02-25 14:40:44 · answer #6 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVE!! that kind of love you dont need! there is nothing that would make me hit a woman, especially the one i love! yes, i think that to a certain degree he may love and care about you, only because you let him be his self around you, and he knows that you accept him for being the way he is! but, what good does it do for you when you are not happy (because you know its wrong)! you need to seek outside help to get out of the house! what if one day he gets mad and beats you into a coma or death?
2007-02-25 14:40:36 · answer #7 · answered by yngrjms 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abuse in a relationship is absolutely unacceptable; maybe he does love her and his personal insecurities are making him abusive and controlling - abuse and love are not mutually exclusive. Even if he does love her, it does not mean she should tolerate his aggression: what would be her actions if people told her he really loved her? Stay for some more abuse? If that was me, I would walk out immediately after he first hit me, I would not even wait for the tearful apologies...he could apologize to my divorce lawyer
2007-02-25 14:50:43 · answer #8 · answered by sexy_devil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't seem like love to me either. I think she should definitely leave and he should definitely get some counseling to prevent him from treating his next woman the same way. She should not stay or come back under any circumstances.
2007-02-25 16:42:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on her family if her folks will take her great but I think she should call a local abuse shelter and that way he can't find her for a long time cause they have homes all over the state and there is no way he can find her.
2007-02-25 14:25:43 · answer #10 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both need as soon as possible to see a psychology's doctor.something is very wrong and weird in that relationship.That is an unhealthy marriage,it is clear as crystal water.
2007-02-25 14:44:31 · answer #11 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋