Should my husband take my name?

Question

We are in a role reversal marriage. He stays home and is a full-time househusband and I am the full-time breadwinner. No kids in the picture at this time. We made this decision to have him home so he could get used to homemaking for when we have kids.

I did not take my husband's name when we got married. Now I have established myself at work and have made a name with my maiden name.

However, I would really like to have our family have the same last name. I'm thinking of asking my husband to take my last name. This has little to do with that I am the breadwinner as much as the fact that it would be too difficult to change my last name career-wise. What do you think? Be specific please.

Answer 1

Excellent question by the way. It is a tough one though. When I married I took my husbands last name, and when we divorced, I did not change it back, as I had a reputation in the name that I had. My name alone would get me an interview. Have you discussed it with your husband. If he isn't an egotistical testosterone addict, which by the sound of it he isn't, he may be open to the idea. I agree that children and parents should have the same last names. It just makes it all around easier, for several different reasons. Have you thought about the hyphen option, then both names could be used? Additionally, if you hyphen you can still utilize your name for career purposes.

Answer 2

Ask him. This kind of question really pushes people's buttons, so be prepared for any kind of reaction. But I think it should happen more often, Miss Smith and Mr. Jones becoming Mr. and Mrs. Smith when they get married. Every married couple needs to make an individual decision about the name game.

Answer 3

Though this would be unusual, there are no laws that would prohibit it. I think most of your problems would come from family members not liking it.

And, there are many ladies out there who present themselves to friends, family etc using their married names, but professionally continue to use their maiden names. So, you can have the best of both worlds.

But, what matters is that you two are in agreement. While you may have him at home, and staying home when there are children, I am willing to bet he will not be in agreement to this. It would seem you want to retain your identity, and have no concern with his identity. If you want everyone to have the same last name, present yourselves to people under your married name, and continue to use your maiden name professionally. It isn't that uncommon.

Answer 4

Wow, so your husband doens't want to learn to become a breadwinner and be a 'real man' that supports his wife and kids?

Instead, you are a career oriented woman who would like to have kids, but not be a 'mother' to them in raising them?

I think you should get your mind off of being a career oriented minded woman rather than wanting to be home and be wife to your husband and mother to your kids. I don't think that is a good idea to want your husband to have your name. All you are thinking is about yourself and your career. You should have never got married if you are going to keep your husband home just for the sake that you have this career in tact for your own desires. So, where does he fit in, in your marriage? This is no marriage at all.

I think you are selfish with this. And your husband is not a 'real man'.

"How could it be so that several generations of women don't appreciate the value and power of their femininity? How is it that women would yearn to throw away their magnificent importance as the center of family, community, and life itself? The answer? Feminism! Feminism has been a scourge upon the land and upon women, children, men, and ultimately, families and society." Quoted by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

I would consider and challenge you to read, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". With your thinking, I believe it is the feminists, and not the husbands, who don't value homemakers.

Yep, Dr. Laura was right...and you are the many women who she talks about in her book.

Answer 5

just do what the rest of us do, hypenate your kid's last names e.g. doug jones-smith.As long as he is cool with it, who cares what you all decide?
Wow, cfoster, you are quite the hater!! Guess we should all pray for her? Not seeing the love here so I'm guessing that you are one of those that call themselves a "christian' and then use that platform to spew toxic crap where ever you go?? Either answer the question or please stick to improving your own life, which obviously needs a lot of work.

Answer 6

Some very close friends of mine did that. No one really knows, even a lot of their friends, unless they see his drivers' license. Even then, no one seems to care.
It is a good idea for the family to have the same last name, and it doesn't really matter who takes whose.

Answer 7

Just check it out most men have a problem with it lol trust me i dont see any problem with a man changing his last name to my last name.If i can do it why cant he?And for me im only daughter so theres noone to carry forward our family name so i need my husband to take my last name ill tell him its upto him but i feel he will if he loves me.Anyways out here most guys have my last name as surname so not to worry.

Answer 8

If he does not mind I see no problem with it...Other wise you'll have to deal with the different names which can be a bit of a problem sometimes...Good Luck ;)

Answer 9

If you husband is gay he should take your name. No real man would do that.

You should change your name, just don't use it for business. You can change your name legally just don't change your business cards and such. At work, introduce your self by your maiden name but with friends use your husband's name.

Any man who would take his wife's name is not a man.

Answer 10

If your husband says yes then go for it.

However if he says no then let it be. :)