Worried and really need some financial advice?

Question

Next year I will be done with college and I'm going to live with my boyfriend of four years in vt. Right now he is working full time and has moved back into his parents house to save money until I get out of school. I want to get a house after college and have a small wedding but I'm worried that we won't be able to afford it because I'll have a huge amount of debt from student loans and he's just plain horrible with his money. Besides spending it on his daughter he doesn't know where his money goes because he is constantly spending a few dollars here and there on stupid things. He'll save up a good amount of money but then something will come up like christmas and he'll spend it all on expensive gifts for everyone. He keeps telling me it will be easier to save once I'm back home. I'm really annoyed and worried. I also told him I'd rather invest in a house then live in an apartment and never have any money saved. What should we do? How can we have a house and wedding?

How much money at the very least should we be saving? Are there any really great helpful books on budgeting and home buying?

Answer 1

this is not a good sign ... if he can't change his poor financial management now then what will your future be like together? .. my suggestion is that since he somehow believes things will be better once you're out of college and with him then thats an admission that he realizes you're better with money than he is so starting right now you should give him an ulitimatum to begin sending you 'x' dollars a week for you to be saving for the both of you ... if he's not willing to do this now then he has no intentions of changing his bad habits later... of course you could accept that and end up being the bread winner with your college education, if you could be happy with that.

Answer 2

Sorry this is a typical example of looking at the problem backwards. It is real simple, I mean so simple it will shock you. He has to do a budget and show it to you. DO NOT try to micro manage him. Let him know this is a very important issue to you, and it is not a tempory thing. Then review your finances each month. When someone lives with their parents they are usually blowing all kinds of money, no rent, no phone, no cable, no food, lots of extra cash.

I hate to say it, but you also are only worried about the finances, so you can spend money, house and wedding. I would put the house aside for now. Have you discussed wedding plans. You can have a great, fun, creative wedding without going broke. Also most big weddings are paid for by parents. And to be honest I think it is sick how most people overspend on a wedding.
Ask your fiance to cost out the wedding options. See what he comes up with. If you are going to spend 15k and get married in 15 months you need to save 1k per month.
Best of luck.

Answer 3

If you guys have a year, then here's what to do. Have him get a savings built up and right before November have him open up a 5 month CD will all the money he saved. You do the same and open up your CD with all the money you saved. Also, follow the tips on the site below to save money every month and use this year to accomplish it, but you'll have to live a bit frugally (see it as a boot camp before marriage). At the end of the year you'll have a huge savings, and possibly a down payment for a house.

If you're in debt, take care of that first. It will boost your credit scores and you'll save more money because the interest rates for credit cards always higher than interest you'll get from savings accounts. With higher credit scores, you are more likely to get money for a house.

Answer 4

How much you need to save will vary greatly depending on how much the house costs, what the mortgage interest rate is. If you want to e-mail me, I'd be glad to help you figure it out.

My general advice would be to save as much as you possibly can. The more you save, the easier it gets to save (because your saved/invested money earns more money). Get a copy of a program like Quicken and enter all your spending. That means everything - your morning coffee at Starbucks, the drink at the bar after work, etc. That will show where the money's going. (Most likely you'll be shocked at how much you spend on things that aren't really necessary.) For example, if you spend $1.25 for a soft drink with lunch every day instead of drinking tap water, over the course of a year, you will have spent over $450. Aren't there better things you could do with $450?

If you find that you or your boyfriend are not willing to give up anything and you're spending every penny you have, then you'll have to just accept that this is how your life will be forever. (It only takes one of you overspending to doom both of you.) If you're not willing to make some sacrifices and monitor your spending, you're doomed to a life of financial struggles. If you are willing to give up some things and making saving a top priority, then you can become financially secure, even if you don't have a big income. Every now and then, I see articles about a janitor or kindergarten teacher that leaves millions of dollars to a charity. They didn't get that money from a big salary or inheritrance, they got it from spending less than they earned and investing the savings wisely.

Oh, and about your boyfriend. I know it's very hard when you're in love, but you owe it to yourself to tell him that being financially secure is important to you and that he needs to start saving some money. If he really loves you, he'll be willing to start controlling his spending binges and save some money. If he's not willing to do that, I predict that you will be very sorry if you marry him. I don't believe the line about it being easier to save once you're back home. That's just an excuse. I'm also wondering if the real reason he's living with his parents is that he doesn't want to have to be responsible for himself (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc.) If he's not actually saving any money, I suspect that's probably what's going on. You sound like a responsible person. If he's not willing to become one also, you'll be much happier later on in life if you leave him and find someone else that shares your philosophy about money.

Answer 5

When I met my husband, I had $10,000 in savings and no debt. Now, 9 years later, I have $30,000 in debt and no savings. I got the credit cards away from my husband a couple of years ago, but we will be paying on the balances for years to come. And he still uses his debit card as if it is a bottomless pit full of money, which causes even more problems. And even though I never spend money myself (all of my clothes are hand-me-downs, and I feel guilty every time I go grocery shopping,) I am still responsible for the debt because I made the mistake of marrying someone who is horrible with money.

I know you love him, but he will never change his spending habits. If you must be with him, have a fake wedding, tell everyone you are keeping your own last name, and go ahead and live together... but keep your finances separate. No one needs to know that you aren't legally married, and this way you cover your own a**.

And if you don't believe me, try running a credit check on him. When you see how much debt he has already, just imagine that you are responsible for half of that... because you will be once you tie the knot.

I know a girl who got married in December, then filed her taxes in February and couldn't figure out why she still hadn't received her expected $8000 refund by June. When she finally got ahold of someone at the IRS to find out what was going on, she was informed that her husband owed over $30,000 in back child support, and now that she was married to him, she was partially responsible for that debt. The IRS had applied her refund to the child support debt.

Seriously,
Think about it!!

Answer 6

You sound such as you're smart and characteristic your self mutually after coping with somewhat a impressive style of adversity. i won't be able to understand why you may evaluate doing some thing like this which might extra advantageous than in all risk positioned you returned into a similar financial difficulty which you will could pull your self out of returned. with the aid of the way, if he's paying you below the table, does that mean you have unreported earnings additionally? would not that positioned you interior a similar boat with him so a techniques as no longer paying taxes, etc. basically a thought.

Answer 7

As much as love can be blind and it may seem like soemthing easy to overcome...keep in mind that over 70% of divorcees rate money as "high" as a contributing factor to their divorce. Money can't buy happiness but it sure can pose problems and get in the way. The way someone spends and uses their money helps illustrate their values and only shows he is not concerned for his future or yours if he's spending it away. As a general rule you should try to put away 20% of your income. Sadly, this is very rare for most Americans but should be done considering you will have to retire someday and likely without social security benefits. If you are fresh out of college my advice would be to continue living like a poor college student as long as you can. Always live on less than you earn and avoid debt like the plague. Whether you're in a business/money related field or major or not, everyone should have an education on money because it affects EVERYONE. Read constantly and educate yourself because financial freedom is one of the greatest things one can earn for themselves. Evaluate your boyfriends situation and talk long and hard about your goals and values because ignoring it now is only going to cause you more pain and financial hardship in the future. Good luck and feel free to contact me via e-mail.

Answer 8

Do you really want to be responsible for his financial woes?
I wouldn't even be thinking about a wedding or a house if I were you until he starts getting some financial responsibility in place. If you get married and he continues his spending ways, you also will be responsible for his debt. Think hard.

Answer 9

What are you thinking? You want to marry a man who is irresponsible? He has a daughter by another woman and is incapable of supporting you? You are just out of college and not fully mature.

You live with him and his daughter will become attached to you. When the separation inevitably comes to pass she is collateral damage. Go read Dr. Laura's book 10 Stupid things Women do to screw up their lives.

Answer 10

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