My husband and i have been married for 4 months before we were married we were together for 7 years. Recently i recieved a call from his ex girlfriend saying she had been dating my husband off and on since 1999. She had not seen him since 2002 when he saw her and asked for her number in feb. of 06 at that time we had been engaged for several months and had been living together for 4 years. She explained that she would come to our house a few times a week to be with him and he would also come to her house. She gave details so i know she had to be telling the truth. She said as far as she knew they were boyfriend and girlfriend and he had even told her he wanted to marry her when he finished school. She said she had no idea he was seeing anyone else and thought he loved her. I was flabbergasted to say the least.Even after we got married he still continued to be with her. She found out and confronted him. I wonder if he was ever planning on telling her the truth. I love him what to do?
2007-02-25 04:56:36 · 38 answers · asked by alana t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hunny it doesnt matter if you love him. because im sure he loves you and look what he did. if someone can hurt you like that they dont deserve to be with you at all. if it was 1 time, thats forgivable. 2 times could be worked out. but more than 2 times is not an accident by any means. he knew what he was doing. ive only had this happen to me once, and it was a boyfriend and not too serious so i cant relate to you. a maraige is something special and is sposed to be sacred and be broke that. you know you will never be able to trust him now, even if you work things about. its not worth being a paranoid and jealous wife. i think you should leave him now before it happens again. or you should sit down for several hours and talk about everything, get everything out on the table, no secrets. and decide what your going to do about this and make sure he truely knows how you feel and truely understands what he did to you and your marraige. if your love is strong enough you can save the maraige. if he does it again leave. dont give him a second chance. your better than that.
2007-02-25 05:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by braineak123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I give you my sympathy. I know where you are coming from.
I spent four years with a guy that ended up cheating on me twice. The first time, he had tons of excuses and I decided to stay. The second time he cheated, it was with my best friend, and then I left.
Personally, I feel that if your husband truly cared about you he wouldn't have subjected you to such a betrayal. Now you have a HUGE decision to make.
You can stay - try to build your relationship back up, ( and if you do, he has to be committed to it )
Or you can leave - maybe I am biased, but if I were in your situation I would leave. He has stepped out of the marriage, and now it's time for you to make a decision for YOU. Are you happy? Is this what you want? Or is this something you want to work at?
I understand that you love him, but sometimes the person we love or want the most, we are better off without...
I wish you the best of luck!
--Vae
2007-02-25 05:06:58 · answer #2 · answered by Nevaeh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask n approximately it n an incredible clam way n then if u experience lik he will end cheating pass forward n save the relation deliver.... Which I dnt propose overosily he dnt love u sufficient to giv u the honour u sufficient 2 not try this I recommend y waste ur existence on some1 lke that u in basic terms have been given see you later, so particularly of waitin on him locate some a million else, b4 u get vast apple deeper n a courting then u already r good good fortune . Ooohh wait it waz dat some time past oopps properly it nonetheless applies yet he culd hav replaced by skill of now i assume u. Nd 2 tawlk
2016-10-16 11:19:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but you are in love with a user. And, I would place bets that your self-esteem is low because of his affair. What do you do? Leave him! You deserve better and since the girlfriend knew about you and she stayed with him they deserve each other. They will both do the same thing to each other in time and that is cheat. Ask yourself this, "Do I want to be second best?" He is a pig and doesn't give a rats **** about you and your feelings. Love doesn't cheat! Get a good lawyer and take him for everything he has. Good luck dear. And, chin up.
2007-02-25 05:05:27 · answer #4 · answered by Rosa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact of the matter is..I keep hearing you say the ex gf told you this..told you that..just because she told you this or that..does not make it true..I never once hear you say..you confronted your husband about it..that he confirmed it or denied it..frankly I do not believe the ex gf's version of it..there is no way you are going to go to a man's home..that he has lived in with another woman for 4 years..not know another woman lives there..I am sorry..I would notice that..which leads me to believe the ex is lying to you about not knowing he was with you..if she is lying about that..what else is she lying to you about..so no I do not believe the ex gf..as for the details..just because she told you this or that..DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE...
I would not just take the word of his ex gf..There are always two sides to a story..I would confront my husband..I would ask him to explain..Why his ex would be calling me telling me these things..about the two of them..I would listen to..what he had to say about it..because some where in the middle of his version..her version..is the truth..The truth is if he was cheating with her for all these years..Maybe you should ask him..When he was planning on telling you the truth..about her..You may still love him..Where is his love for you??
2007-02-25 07:46:11 · answer #5 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope - he should. If you believe that she is not just enamoured with your husband and making this all up, that is. He may have talked to her on and off - and she picked up details to use against him and against you.
Start documenting everything and keep your notes in a safe place. Start gathering financial info and any proof you can find that he has a relationship outside of your marriage. Don't say anything to him yet. If he presses you for answers or info - just tell him you are still processing and you just can't think right now. Talk to an attorney (many will do free initial consultations - don't just go with the first one you meet with). Get yourself checked for VD's. Start getting everything in place to protect any bank accounts, credit cards, etc. that are in both of your names. If you share a bank account, go set up your own and make sure your checks are deposited into that - and that he has no access to any of it. Clean out any accounts that you can without his knowing it. Chances are he has money tucked away so that he can use it without you knowing what he's using it for, anyway. Have your name taken off of any joint credit cards, in case he and his girlfriend decide to run up a tab that you will be at least 50% responsible for. If you can't have your name taken off then call the company and have fraud alerts put on all of them to make them more difficult to use and possibly protect yourself somewhat (may not work but worth a shot).
Right now you have to concentrate on protecting you. If the girlfriend is trying to manuever either you or him into separating/divorcing so that she can have him all to herself, don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Even if you have to cross your fingers, toes, etc. and say 50 Hail Mary's for fibbing, tell your husband that you love him, forgive him, and want to stand by him through this episode with the psycho girlfriend. That you know he'll never do it again, that he will go to counseling, sign a contract of fidelity (with consequences spelled out - kind of a post-nuptual agreement), etc. Play it up if you have to (and if you think you can stomach it!).
I would go out and buy new sheets, too.
2007-02-25 04:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by greyrider 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let's see, he lied to you from the beginning, he cheated before you were married and continued after your marriage, he put you at risk for who knows what yet you wonder if you should leave him. Are you crazy? Leave Him Now, save yourself, he doesn't deserve your love or respect, find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.
2007-02-25 05:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he doesn't know what love is.Love is building a life around the one you're with.Not sharing that love with some one else..
Why not tell him everything you told us,including "her" talk with you,and go from there.Sometimes you have to believe nothing you hear,and half of what you see...She may be lying to break you two up.ex's can be cruel that way.Especially if they were the ones dumped.
Good luck,and be strong.
2007-02-25 05:29:02 · answer #8 · answered by ladybug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and think in any way that the marriage can continue, then start conseling. Both of you together and seperate.
If you don't think you could ever trust him again, kick his cheating, lying *** out!
2007-02-25 05:05:32 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A cheating husband will always cheat. LEAVE HIS SORRY WORTHLESS A*S. Easy said than done. But obviously he doesn't charish you enough to be with just YOU. He wants the cake and icecream at the same time. You know what to do, you just need to do it.
2007-02-25 05:01:45 · answer #10 · answered by roxylee11782 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋