Whenever i say about going round for a cup of tea he just keeps saying he don't have visitors cos his place is a mess and he feels ashamed of it. He's in a council flat and has been there just over a year before that he was homeless since he was 14. He's 24 now. His mum kicked him out and since thene's had a lot of rejection. I'm guessing that he thinks if i see his place i won't want to be friends anymore or something. But i have told him countless times that i could never be ashamed of him or where he lives but he just won't have it. He's only got one other friend besides me and i've only known him for nearly 9 months. I'd really like our friendship to go further but he'll never let it if he keeps feeling the way he does. What can i say to him to make him see differently, that i love him no matter what and so that he will eventually let me go round?
2007-02-25 04:45:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
tell him listen im not friends with u because of what u have, where you're from or what u been through,tell him im friends with u because u r a good person that has been through a lot.tell him it cant be 2 bad so what we all r messy thats life but don't u get tired of always having a friend at ur place?how about u get tired of having me at ur place,its not gonna change anything u could live in a smelly trailer 4 all i care!!thats what u should say!!
2007-02-25 04:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Gabriel D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to drop in and bring him a small gift, maybe some nice tea and biscuits, a scented candle.
You need to shock him .
You can keep talking to him about this and you will get the same answer every time.
You must take matters into your own hands.
Get comfortable once you are there, go into the kitchen and put on the kettle.
If the cups aren't clean wash them out and clear a nice place for you to sit and visit.
You can't always plan for things, sometimes spur of the moment is refreshing.
If there is a bit of embarrassment on his part, tell him the flat is fine, there is nothing a little touch up couldn't fix .
If it is filthy and dirty then you know that there is a problem with him and I don't know if you are willing to tackle it.
Some people live like piggies because they are lazy, if he is lazy and living in squalor, that is not acceptable... maybe you should move on..
Even tho there is a friendship, you can't get what he is unable to give, and if he is uncarring about his home, then you could be left disappointed.
Make your visit and make up your mind....here and now
2007-02-25 04:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is his flat that is the problem, i think that he lacks confidence especially as you said he has quite a lot of rejection.I say respect his wishes but don't give up.Agree to meet him on neutral grounds and let your friendship strengthen.I suggest picking up the phone one day and saying i am about an 1/2 hour away and i was wondering if you were up for a visit.
2007-02-25 05:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must let him know that his situation could be far worse.
Take him for a drive through a bad neighborhood, one worse than his. Let him look on the bright side of things.
I went from living in a mansion with my very wealthy parents, to living in a 1 bedroom home in a slum neighborhood. They eat caviar, steaks, and real potatoes. I eat mac and cheese and hot dogs.
Like I said, it could be worse.
2007-02-25 04:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by royalpainshane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him time. sometimes when my friends want to go out with them i keep sayin no but when they give me time n keep askin me i agree with dem.....if u keep talkin nice to him and tellin him how much u dont care how his place looks messy and try telling him that u no what his life used to be and living there is much better than living on the streets so there wont b anything that u can c at his place that will make u think any less of him.
2007-02-25 04:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by annawuvzchris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to be willing to let you visit, so you can't make him. But if you keep reassuring him that he has nothing to be ashamed of, maybe he'll trust that you won't hurt him or judge him.
Just remind him that everyone is at a different point in their lives, and everyone has to live somewhere. :)
2007-02-25 04:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember you can NOT SAVE people, they have to help themselves, you can give recommendations and give insight to motivate them to see the bigger picture...
Keep the friendship going, good guidance and resources is helpful when helping a friend......
2007-02-25 05:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by frshayr4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just doesn't want you around his place. It's as simple as that. What is he hiding besides his mess?
2007-02-25 04:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by mari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to appreciate himself and whatever little he has and make him know that you don't mind what he has and prove that you are a true friend.
2007-02-26 01:34:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means he have no confidence on you, or he is telling a lie of his space.
If the posotion continues the relationship could not last.
AVOID.....
2007-02-25 04:50:27 · answer #10 · answered by AVANISH JI 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋