sex after divorce?

Question

was in a very abusive relationship with ex husband now afraid to commit to a sexual relationship again. Have been divorced for 9 mo. how do you get on with life

Answer 1

I had a angry abusive wife. Took me a year and a half before I
I was ready. In time, you'll get there too.

Answer 2

Take it slow and don't jump into anything. You are at a very vulnerable stage right now and could easily be taken advantage of by someone who preys on people in your situation. Luv em and leave em types (or worse).
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to work on you . . . get involved with the community, volunteer, join a support group, take up a new hobby, go back to school, etc. Don't even worry about sex. Wait until you know you are in a place mentally and emotionally that you will not make the same mistakes you have made in the past - you don't want a repeat of an abusive partner.

Answer 3

Well it was said by to researchers, that it takes half the time you were together to get over that person. (for example: it would take you 4 and a half months to get completely over him). I can't tell you how to live your life, but i can say this if he does it once then there is a high possibility he can do this again. But if you move on you need to cut off any contact, because some guys that are abusive might be jealous or over powering. so sit down and think about that abusive years or months that have been going on! I wish you the best of luck. Keep your head up. if it comes to it don't hesitate to get a restraining order. Good Luck

Answer 4

It is very difficult to trust again. I suggest counseling so you can examine the role you played in allowing the abusive relationship to evolve and continue as long as it did so you won't make the same mistakes again. Even though you were not at fault, there is a reason that you did not walk away at the earliest signs of abuse. These usually relate to self-esteem issues and often go back to abuses suffered in childhood. Too many of us have learned to be a victim from a very young age. Take the time to heal yourself.

Then when you do meet someone, be yourself and be honest - you have nothing to be ashamed of! A REAL man will have compassion and will respect that you may need more time to establish trust and to feel comfortable enough to be physically intimate again.

Answer 5

Take your time. If you were to get involved in a sexual relationship right now, you would be vulnerable to anyone who veiws you as an easy victim. Don't rush it. You need to find yourself first, know what it is that "YOU" want and need in your life and carefully select it when you know what it is. I encourage you not to jump into something because you need to feel secure or wanted. I have been where you are and became a victim again because I thought I couldn't wait. PLEASE learn to love you first. Heal from the wounds, then come back and ask.

Answer 6

If you go see a therapist they will recommend to wait a year to get into a serious relationship. In the meantime, just meet friends, be happy to finally be free, and do things you couldn't do before. Sex will come naturally with the right person. Just remember to always be happy. If that person you meet makes you a bit uncomfortable or unhappy move on. You have the right to be you and happy.

Answer 7

Become friends with men. Look at them as different and separate from your ex. Not all men are abusive. Some are totallly submissive too, and that's not good.

Join a club like singles for charities and work along side men. Even if you are asked out, let them know you are seeking men friends who will be true friends...serious relationships which work stem from these friendships.

Answer 8

You get on with your life one day at a time. You tell yourself that not every man is like your ex-husband, and you risk being vulnerable by trusting men & giving each man a clean slate to work with until he gives you a reason not to trust him. That said, keep your eyes open, remember what you learned from your ex about personality and character traits to avoid in another person. Don't be in hurry to get into another relationship right away. You don't need a man to feel complete. Find joy in being single and in being the strong woman you are. You are in a great position right now to heal and to discover your boundaries & what you will & will not accept in another man.

Take it slow. Try casual dating without it being physical. Be friends with a guy. Get used to being with guys who show you respect & treat you right. The rest will follow when the time is right. There are support groups you can go to which can give you encouragement. Sounds lame, I know, but I went to one while going through my divorce. It was called "Boundaries" & was offered by my church. There were like 40 people in that class who were in a similar situation to mine. I couldn't believe it. Being encouraged by the stories of others & how they got through it & hearing their struggles encouraged me to be strong. We all learned to define our boundaries. If you don't want to take a class, you could try reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Good reading to help anyone with any relationship issue, whether romantic, parental, work-related or whatever. Best of luck to you. You will get through this & will be okay. Trust your instincts, but avoid people who show tendencies & traits similar to your ex. Find security in yourself before committing to someone else. Abusers seek to control others & you need to feel confident enough in yourself to be able to recognize an abuser when you see one & to stay away. Blessings to you!

Answer 9

You take it one day at a time......and also take your time finding a man. The thing about this time, is that you accept a man on YOUR terms. Don't worry about sex, that will come later. Just take your time and find someone who you think would be worthy of you to date. If your ex is still giving you drama, then you may want to consider moving. If he moves also, then you can nail him for stalking. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

well suzette all it is is is its a trust issue and the fact that it has been broken some pppl tend to heal longer then oter and ur ine of those ppl so dont rush urself in trying ti have se because the time will come when u feel like u can trust again