My husband I recently separated. Our 3 1/2 year old has been suffering from terrible separation anxiety ever since. She sees her dad often, but whenever I leave her with him, or at daycare or other people she knows, basically when I leave her period she gets very upset. She won't sleep in her bed at night, she is glued to my hip all the time. This has never been an issue before. HELP! I need a break and she needs some reassurance. Her father and I have spoke with her and told her mommy is not going to leave her...obviously this isn't working. Any ideas how to calm her down and reassure her?
2007-02-25 04:40:36 · 7 answers · asked by proudnurse80 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Something that helped us was to always "pick up" whenever possible, as opposed to "drop off" (for visitation or playdates etc). So if her dad is going to have her for the day, he needs to come pick her up at your house, and then in the afternoon you pick her up at his house. It's subtle but it helps lessen the "abandonment" feeling. It's a little harder with daycare but just make sure that the teachers are aware of the situation and have some kind of diversion ready.
Let her sleep with you for now. Once things have settled down you can work on moving her back to her own bed.
2007-02-25 11:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by poonie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi "Proud",
I have a child who's almost 12 and she has ANXIETY problems, period! I've battled this since she was in Kindergarten!
Well, I always have known that kids at any age "pick up" on problems in the home like a magnet and this is how they react! It's very hard! When young like 3, the kids don't really understand what's going on, so they need to CLING for reassurance! In Oct. I had this same happen with the Daughter I mentioned! Can you imagine at her age? It was TOUGH! She couldn't get through a school day without calling me at least twice from the school office while I was at work! Also, she had outbursts at School and had people and other kids totally BAFFLED by her Behavior! Well, since then she has a handle on it with the help of friends and a family Dr.
Anyway, off the main subject, BUT from what I know, your child is having a normal reaction to your separation from your Husband and you can help her cope.
At her young age, she needs to see her Dad on a regular basis and keep life as normal as you can so that she can adjust to this change. Have him call her often too so they can talk on the phone, keeping in touch these ways.
Reassurance is all you both can do for your Daughter and let her see you and her Dad friendly, you know, if he comes by be sure you both don't have anger, bcuz she will pick that up in a hurry and won't help her any!
If she has a Pediatrician, I suggest you bring this up to him/her and this Dr. can help also. Do that!
You will all get through this! PRAYERS!
2007-02-25 05:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you can't use words to help her with. She has wittnessed her daddy leaving her and she is too little to understand why, she just knows he is gone. In her mind she is afraid to even go to sleep that if she wakes up she might find you gone. For now since this is something that you and your husband has done to her, you need to not worry about needing time to yourself. You have a little girl that is so scared that you will leave to that she needs you right now to be there every minute that you can. Let her take naps with you. And if you must let her sleep with you. Take her with you everywhere that you can. And there is a vidio , I believe called " mommy and me" mommy always comes back to get me. It worked wonders for my little girl. Try hard to put yourself in this little 3 yr. olds mind and see how afraid she is. And of course it was never an issue before, she had never experienced a loss that was so tramatic. Do the right thing and make as much loving time as you can right now for her.
2007-02-25 05:37:33 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try giving her something she really likes before you leave and kind of slip out when she is unaware. Have the people you leave her with play a game or give her a treat. I really think all kids do that just some are worse than others
2007-02-25 04:47:20 · answer #4 · answered by Barry W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep reasuring her, give her tlc and every once in a while if you need a break, leave her some where safe (ie. in her bed) and go breath for 5 min. I know that is is very stressful but you will all get through this.
2007-02-25 04:45:21 · answer #5 · answered by valandfamily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 3 year old does not understand what is going on you will have to be firm i think that she is spoiled and this is what happens when parents spend all their time with them they have no Independence, and now she don't want to be away from you.
2007-02-25 04:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by Mary O 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
replacment therapy
2007-02-25 04:43:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋