What should I do about a relationship that is going downhill with a newborn involved?

Question

I have been with this woman for 11 months and we have a 2 month old. I have never been happier but I believe it is due to my daughter who I love more than life itself. I have never been one to tolerate drama and a less than positive attitude toward life and I find myself now in uncharted waters. My girlfriend at first was everything that I ever wanted and we were so much in love. After we found out about our pregnancy, she turned moody, negative, and not as sharp, humorous, loving, and fun as what she once was. I blamed it on the pregnancy and did something that I've never done with a woman, tolerated her dramtic behavior. Things are continuing to go downhill and all I can think about is our daughter. I fear losing her and not being a constant part of her life so I continue to take the abuse my girlfriend throws at me. As it appears that things aren't going to improve, i'm torn between my daughter and the fairy tale life I had invissioned for myself. Should I adapt or move on?

Answer 1

you might want t speak to her dr. about the way mom is being and how long it has been going on. might just be hormones. if not that then you are still hurting the child with all the drama and negativity around her. there is no reason one should tolerate being treated worse then they want and you will never be happy. things arre only going to get worse. try to get custody or joint coustody if you can and do the best you can to raise her and let her know that you love her and will always be there for her.

Answer 2

Stick it out for a while longer. It's hard having a 2 month old, especially so early in your relationship. You barely knew her not pregnant or as a mother, and you probably only saw the good parts of her then. She's tired, her hormones are crazy, she probably still feels unattractive, if she's breastfeeding she feels like a cow that has to produce on demand. Have you talked to her about how she's feeling? Get her to talk about it, if not to you, to someone she trusts. Make sure it's not postpartum depression. If it isn't, I'd still say stick it out for awhile. Once the baby becomes a little more independant, your girlfriend will start feeling more like herself and hopefully will start acting that way too. Don't take the abuse, though, let her know how you feel, but that you're willing to work with her to make life better for the sake of your daughter.

Answer 3

You need to give it some time! Having a baby can have dramatic effects on a woman's hormones. Your baby girl is only 2 months old and she is a first time Mom. Not only has her body been through a lot but emotionally, too. Don't give up on being a family. Get your wife to counseling or go together if necessary. Your baby deserves to have a mom and a Dad in her life. Do whatever it takes to make things better. She will be more like herself once she gets adjusted. I wish you both the best. Hang in there. It will be worth it in the long run.

Answer 4

Mr. Rock and a hard place,
You think you have a problem now because your girlfriend which you love the most did change during her pregnancy, she is acting normal being pregnant, moody, change of life style,this are a few that pregnant women have to deal with, I know because I have 3 beautiful children. When I was pregnant with my 2 girls,my mood was happy, crying,love to listen to music,and more, but with my baby son, I was moody, angry at times, crying, I hate the smell of my husband,and more. So you can ask others and they will tell you about their experience.
Now that the baby is born,her mood is change again, and this is what the doctor will tell you, "post partum". Now all you have to do is give her a chance to recover. Us women after the birth of our child will have this change of mood for at least a year,and some of us will not have this mood for at least a fe year. Do a good thing for the two of you, love her, understand her, once in a while if you think she's upset,let her be upset cause it help us, and once in a while give her some space. But the most and good medicine for her is show her that you love her, make her feel important,esp. now that your baby is here, sometimes we always feel that we are not important anymore. I hope that this help....

Answer 5

Since this baby is only 2 months old, your woman is likely still having homonal issues. Pregnancy and childbirth can bring on drama and depression. She's probably feeling like a different person (she is, she's a mommy now) and dealing with this huge change.
Don't bail yet. Get some counseling. You sound like you adore your daughter and she deserves to have two parents in her life.
If you decide you can't handle the drama, continue to be there for your child. She will need to know you love her and did not desert her. Good luck and don't give up so easy.

Answer 6

You know, your wife can be moody, negative, and not sharp etc... but she still can be a wife and mother to your child. This is no excuse to be acting like that. You can't blame this on the pregnancy, it all has to do with her attitude. If she really wants to change it, she can, but she doesn't want to.

No man should ever take abuse from their wife, never! Start being 'a real man' and put your foot down. She needs to start acting like a wife to you and a mother to your child, but instead she is acting like an immature kid. You have a immature kid as a wife. Please sit down to talk to your wife, but be polite and kind to her. Tell her that her behavior is affecting you and that you want to help her in any way that you can.

I would consider on getting these two books if you want to save your marriage, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

If you wife truly loves you and cares about you, she would start acting like she does. Don't take the easy way out by a divorce, you will ruin your child's life. Don't run away from the problems, fix them. You can do this to keep your family together, but your wife has to be in agreement with you on this as well.

Answer 7

Tough one man. You sound intellegent enough,and my guess is you have tried numerous times to have a civilized conversation with her to no avail. Maybe it's the harmone thing but that seams to be the answer the women use these days. I would just tell her something must change or it's gonna be over real soon. As for your daughter, you will always be a big part of her life. Maybe it's best to do it now than 10 years from now. Good Luck.

Answer 8

If the two of you have only been together for 11 months, then you didn't really have alot of time to see if the two of you were right for each other or not. Maybe it's just not meant to be. A child that grows up with parrents who live together and don't like eachother is definatly worse off then a child with two loveing parrents who live appart. The best thing to do would be to seperate from the woman, but stay close to your child. Lots of parrents don't live together, and it doesn't mean you have to be any less of a great father.

Answer 9

If I'm doing my math correctly, your girlfriend got pregnant almost immediately after you met. You really have no idea what she was like before. It's sad you two were so irresponsible to create a child before you even knew each other. Your main focus now should be on your child. Wishing for fairy tales isn't going to help. Do whatever you have to do to stay together and raise that child.

Answer 10

Please, go with her to the doctor and have her be checked for post-partum depression - it sounds as if she may be having hormonal problems that could be placing your daughter in possible danger..she will likely come out of it with no repercussions, shortly, but subsequent children may suffer untoward effects, if you two decide to have more in the future.

Is she nursing the baby? She could be feeling suffocated by the schedule, and perhaps making time for just the two of you to get out, and away, for an evening, would be one way to offset this frustration of hers. She is also still working out the relationship with you, and perhaps she has discovered weaknesses or failings in your behaviour that are as yet unexpressed. You two dated, fell in love, and became pregnant very quickly, and that would not allow for any time to truly get to know each other's foibles before the rush of the arrival of the baby.

Answer 11

Obviously she mistakes your tolerance for weakness and tacit approval of her screwball behavior.

Have you sat her down and said, 'Look. When you were pregnant, you realize you changed dramatically, right?' She'll agree. Ask her to list some ways *how* she changed and to be specific. When she mentions what a raging b*tch she was, tell her, "And yes when you were pregnant I tolerated it. But I want you to know you are continuing to be abusive and it has to stop and you have to work towards being a rational kind grownup again or we're going to end up apart. Because it's time to stop blaming things on being pregnant. We need to move on and raise our daughter and mend our relationship or we'll be split up in no time since I am at my limit right now. I used to fear losing you but your abuse has made me grow a backbone and I would rather now confront the issue and deal with the conflict and split up than keep living the way we have been with you treating me so poorly."

If she doesn't respond to that, she isn't yours any longer so follow through and split up. It's just one more screwed up kid on the scrap heap of life. That was sarcastic. Sorry. It's just that I see so many screwed up kids from broken homes. THey are commonplace now.

But I am truly sorry you have such troubles. Our society allows women to blame even killing their own children on "hormones", and while 0.000001% of the time it is true, the other 99.999999% of the time it's a crock of sh*t. Best wishes fella.