My husband is shooting up cocane.He left at eight last night to go to test drive his car and he aparently got an erge and went to get drugs with my 9yr old step son I didn't find him till about 4:30 this morning.The last time he left he didn't come back for 3 days no one knew where he was luckly he didn't have my step son.The last time was at christmas and I told him I was leaving him.I got kids in car and had left when he got to our house.Because I wasn't there he did about a thousand dollars worth of damage to our house.He has been verey abusive over the years physical and mentaly.He's cheated on me 5 times that I know of.I love him and think mabey he'll change one day I just don't know how much more I can take.I have no job and 3 girls.I'm buying my own home and will lose it if I leave.That sounds so petty but I come from nothing and so that's a big deal.Even if I do leave there isn't anywhere to go that he won't find me.A safe house is a rough place to be my kids would see alot .
2007-02-25 03:20:52 · 16 answers · asked by trenia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, you are in a really hard spot and it will get worse but if you don't do anything it will never get better.
Take a mental picture of your husbands "tracks" and iamgine your kids with them because kids learn drugs from their parents.
Think about all the times he has abused you and imagine your kids being abused the same way because kids marry into relationships like their parents.
You are their role model and you are teaching them to accept this kind of hell. you need to be their role model and teach them not to put up with this crap.
Next time he is shooting-up call the police on him. THere are sights and organizations for dmoestic violence/abuse and the families of drug addicts... even religious organizations. Start loking around and makng a list of resources of who you can turn to.
You have a computer so start taking on-line courses and get a degee so you can get a job which you will eventually need to free yourself and support your kids.
When you do get your new home, don't tell him about it or where it is. Tell the kids not to either and let the attorney general's office in your city know. Call them and get help.
Most importantly, he will not change and someday he might end up killing you or your kids. he is no longer your hsband but a junkie and junkie's lie and cheat and steal. Let the women he cheats with have him and let him kill himself from drugs but separate yourself from him and his life as soon as possible and show your children(including your step-son) that you are a strong woman and can create a new life with time, patience, education, hard work, alot of tears, and help from organizations like the attorney general's office.
2007-02-25 03:41:00 · answer #1 · answered by Don Quesadia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would you kids see at a safe house that they aren't seeing at home? Your husband is shooting up. He's been abusive physically and mentally, he tears up the house.
Your husband and you are teaching your children what a relationship should be like.
Demand that your husband get help. He is sick. Find a rehab and insist that he go. If he refuses (he likely will), kick him out. If he won't leave, call the police.
You've been in the situation and are used to it but it has to be a terrible scene for your children to witness. Looking at it from this perspective is frightening. Please, PLEASE for the sake of your kids, do something and do it now. He's not going to change unless he has to. Good luck. A shelter would be a lot less violent and traumatic for your children.
2007-02-25 03:31:24 · answer #2 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A safe house is WAY better than what the kids are going through right now. That is the best place for you and them. The people there will help you to get a job, establish yourself so that you can get your own home, etc.
Staying around is too dangerous. If you won't do it for yourself you have to at least send your kids. They do not have a choice in the matter.
Good luck!
2007-02-25 03:29:24 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you let him take your son out of the house like that, knowing he is on drugs, and as far as leaving him my a** would be reporting him to the cops. I would not even have my children around someone like that. They are places to go, you need to think about those children, he is not going to change. And you are wasting your life on a jerk. My sister was in a abusive relationship, she found the courage to leave (with 2 small boys) she went to a place for battered women, she got a job and got herself an apartment and she is married to someone who treats her very good, and her children, YOU are the only one who can help you and your children, YOU have the power, YOU have to want better for your self. ONLY you can change your situation. NO excuses.
2007-02-25 03:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him call the police and have him picked up if car is in your name you will be held responable when he leaves with the child in the car call the police and report him driveing on drugs with his child in the car . you will lose the home anyway if the police catch cocain in it they will take the property you can call the battered wemons hotline it should be in your local phone book and they will help you get everything started and they will help hide you with police protection as well . he needs dry out time and jail might just help him and save your 9 year olds step sons life the battered wemons shelter is best place for you they will help you get your own place and help you get a new start he needs a bout a year to completely dry out so dont feel sorry for him and go get him let him stay there and dry out they can also help you keep your home by restraining him from it get a restraining order from your local athoritys so that you can have protection from him
2007-02-25 03:40:27 · answer #5 · answered by family fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not in immediate danger take the time and plan it out. You are buying a house with no job???Start taking the important things out of your house and put them in storage. Important papers, your personal stuff the kids stuff. Find a safe place to live even if it's out of town. Get a restraining order.Let the judge know your move is temporary. Have a couple of people meet you at your house with a moving van and get the rest of your things when he's gone. Leave him a note that says "I love you but I am afraide of you. You need help. I don't want to die and I don't want you to go to jail. Help me help us. I had to leave, because you are doing things that are hurting us all. Please show me you love me enough to get help."
2007-02-25 03:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by areyoukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to call the cops and get him out of your house? Tell him to leave and if he doesnt then call the cops and get him out then get a restraining order. I went through something similar to this and i got him on camera beating me then the cops and the judge had no to give me a restraining order and keep him away from me. And if you can prove that he is doing drugs and abusing you then you can stay in the house with the kids and he will have to stay away. I went through something similar to this and that is exactly what i did and its been almost a year and I havent seen or heard from him. He went to rehab( judges orders) and now he leaves me and my kids alone.
2007-02-25 03:31:16 · answer #7 · answered by alicia m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find an Al-Anon meeting in your area (look in your local phone book) Addiction is a serious problem and you need to be around other people who have had the same problems and found solutions. It's not hopeless and you do not have to do this alone. A Domestic Violence Shelter is a great place to go to as they have professionals, financial aid, babysitting and a wealth of resources for you.
2007-02-25 03:28:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl let me tell you something, if you think staying is the best option your sadly mistyaking.. you have kids and need to think about them and the damage that he doing to all of yall... do you want your kids to start using drugs ast a young age becuase they think its ok and becuase they seen dad doing it girl you need to wake and move on with your life,,, espeically with kids thats for sure... i know your life must be rough i do feel that there is way out of this mess... if you continue to put up with this then your life really will be doomed by him... I know things are tuff but you need to talk with someone in your community that can help you go to a local chruch or call red cross in your area somone out there can help you get out of this mess thats for sure... well if you want a freind you can email at any time cqueen742003@yahoo.com good luck with everything
2007-02-25 04:02:00 · answer #9 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus, woman! Have you ever thought of calling the police and having his funky a*ss arrested for possession? Or abuse of a minor? I know you must have a phone. Look, go to a social worker for your county. Explain the situation. OR....when it happens again...call in a "tip" to vice and have the guy arrested. Not only are you not thinking of your own welfare, but the welfare of the kids is at stake here. You want to have a house full of junkies? Get up off of your butt and stop whining about leaving and put him in jail where he belongs. Amen. Godloveya.
2007-02-25 03:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋