Breaking up an emotional affair?

Question

I have not cheated on my wife, but I have been communicating with a girl a work...via email, text....so on...

I have never been involved in anything like this before, but she is married too and she has plainly told me that she wants me....BAD...

I have come to the conclusion that things have gotten out of hand and I want to cut things off...

Apparently with the way this girl is she probably has done this before...

how can I break this thing off smoothly...this has just got out of hand.

I love my wife...who has given me 3 beautiful children....I am just confused....i do not get this type of treatment from other women....but this time i have....

help!

Answer 1

Tell her your wife found out and is threatening to kill you if you don't stop this immediately. Tell her you value your life and want to live.

Answer 2

Sometimes we do these things as it is exciting at first and fun, but like you said it can get out of hand and then you have to think of a way out. I'm glad to hear that you are seeing this before it goes any further. Well I think you need to get a new email and phone # and take this as a lesson. What if she gets upset and keeps it going? Or if your wife finds the text and email. She will never understand that nothing happened to her it will be enough that this was happening. You need to do this carefully , Tell the girl that this has gone way to far and that it needs to stop. That you like her and don't want things to ruin your work - relationship. If she acts the least bit pissed and continues the emails and text go get a new # and email.

Answer 3

First of all you did cheat on your wife. Why would you assume that simply because you didn't have physical contact with this woman, that is not cheating. Of course it is. And you know it is because you use the word "affair". So that being said, you have to stop it now. Tell this other woman point blank that you were weak and enjoyed that attention but thankfully you have come to realize that what you want and need is at home. Tell her good bye.

Now ask yourself why you are so weak of a man that you need another woman to shower you with attention. In your last sentence you say "I do not get this type of treatment from other women". Of course not, your married! If you want attention, spare your wife a lot of heartache and get a divorce now telling her you would simply rather be out getting attention but you can't seem to enjoy the attention that she gives you.

Answer 4

Oh dear friend...I hear and feel your pain...let me start by saying...I'm that women at work as well...It all started in fun...then curiosity took over...then excitement and emotion...and now because women attach emotion to any kind of sex...we can't break free. The attachment is too great. On many levels I fell in love with this man...I'm married as well -many many years...and don't want to leave my husband and kids, but the other guy is always on my mind all the time - day and night...I don't understand why or how I can break free of him and this situation. He has tried to tell me we need to stop...we need to cool things cause there is a lot at stake here...for both sides...but I just can't get my head around this fact...he has tried to stop the communications... emails...calls...but we work together so it's hard...and everytime I see him I want him even more. And when he pulls away it makes me more crazy for him. So for those who say just stop...I say I hope you never are put in this situation... or at least you learn something here. I have no advise but I do feel for you and of course her... I would never attempt to use email against him and don't call him on his cell cause I don't want to break up his marriage...I'm not in it for that...and you know this women, do you think she would harm you? Try your hardest not to cut her off at the knees, just back off slowly, less and less contact every day until the contact is minimal and quite possibly maybe a friendship could arise from this...I hope with me too...And I hope these feelings will deminish and we can get back to our lives. Don't think this is not hurting her too. She just doesn't know how to stop the feelings or of not being with you or the thought that she can't have that contact. She may not know how to deal with all that. That's me. No guarantees!!!! You obviously care for this women or is it that you are scared she may do harm? You can only make that call. But what you need to do is talk to her, really talk to her...tell her the whole truth and be very honest cause women smell BS and get on the offensive and we women start to blame ourselves...Just be honest and don't leave anything out. And please don't make it come out as if it didn't mean anything...cause we end up feeling used. And this really hurts.
Good luck my friend...I will try my hardest on my end, seeing your pain and what my guy is going through too, possibly. So you have the other side of the coin. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

first you text-email and GAVE the impression you were willing to take this flirtation a step further. You are right- out of hand/ she has done this before. Please. It take two to dance the dance- your at fault too. For as much as it may cause problems with your wife you need to be completely HONEST with her. Second, tell the girl NO MORE and in the future remember your married, an emotional affair is still an affair.

Answer 6

If she has done this before, than she might not take it when you just to her about it and take it smooth. She may keep trying to get with you.
Be commanding and strong in what you say.
Just tell her that you feel guilty about e-mailing and texting and that your "friendship" has gotten out of hand and you are afraid it is going to go too far. Remind her about how crazy you are about your wife and how much you love your children and you do not want to do anything to damage that.

Hope this helped!

Answer 7

It's flattering to have someone telling you she wants you "BAD," isn't it? Of course!

Not sure a break can be smooth. You can be direct or you can use the "wife found out" lie. Not every woman can hear "no", so choose carefully. But make it clear you are not going to exchange sexy email anymore.

And then actually STOP. Don't write back explaining one more time why you can't go on. Don't respond to her messages, "I can't get over you."

DO NOT tell your wife about any of this. She doesn't deserve the distress. Throw yourself into romancing your wife. See if you can get her to tell you she wants you, BAD.

Answer 8

I'm so glad that you see that things can quickly get out of control, and are wanting to end it before things go too far.

The best thing to do, would be to just tell her that you feel things are getting out of hand. Make sure she knows that you love your wife, and that you want to put an end to the e-mails/texts before things go too far.

Also, it sounds like you and your wife really need to talk, so hopefully this sort of thing won't happen again.

It sounds like you really love your wife.. I hope everything works out for you. :)

Answer 9

to put it bluntly you are in some serious sh it!!!
she probably has all of your texts, e-mails and IM's saved. and if you 'threaten' a 'break up' of sorts it could be used against you

i would hate to tell you to tell your wife and then she gets furious at you and leaves you , and then you blame lit' o' me. but it could happen

some harmless flirting is what it starts out as, and sometimes escalates into something that gets out of hand.
the only way to stop it and have self preservation is to make her not want you anymore.
start talking to her in a way that she doesn't like, or stop writing 'dirty' or whatever it is that you are doing.
see you have to do it lightly because as someone else pointed out, it could come back and bite you in the as s...
she could say that you were sexually harassing her.

you have some serious thinking to do. and stop 'flirting' with said co worker.

i hope that you can find a peaceful resolution to your problem, and for God's sake, i hope that you have learned your lesson...

Answer 10

emotional affairs turn into full blown affairs after awhile, starts out innocent enough, but one thing always leads to another and once u fall for the temptation, your marriage is over with. cause u won't be able to look your wife in the face anymore, u will feel guilty, eventually u will leave your marriage, and begin to find fault with your wife, so u can justify what u did. u need to point blank tell this woman u are not interested, she will lead u down a road u don't want to be on.

Answer 11

First, just try cutting off all communication between the two of you, she might get the hint. If that doesn't work you have to tell her straight out that you feel this has gotten way out of hand and don't want to continue emailing.