How best to say goodbye?

Question

Screwed up situation....I am married...the women I Love is married..The women I love - claims to love me still and will always Love me. . She was recently "found Out" by her husband. She still talks to me vis phone- she has been cut off from email,etc....She tells me however- she needs to stabilize her family for the sake of the kids. for now. Note that I would marry her if I had the choice. I feel I need to say goodbye to let her decide what she really wants out of life. As I work on my own situation and separate. She claims she does Not love her husband but is there for the kids. Also, She is going to counciling and is very concerned about what her friends and family would think if her husband told everyone about her affair. I sense she is keeping me on a string until her husband decides what he is going to do. How best to say goodbye to someone you Love in this scenero?ANYONE out there ever been there? U can judge me if U want ...no-one is perfect...

Answer 1

Hotticket, I will not judge you my friend. But, let me share with you my own knowledge, my sense of logic, and since I am 47 I have learned a lot and I have also had the privelage to help a lot of people,.......both men, and women, and couples.

It is true by what you have shared that this is truly a great big mess. If I were to direct you to the most important area and individuals first would be that of her or any other children involved. Their well-being and their little minds and emotions are the most important to be taken care of and guarded above all others. This includes you, the woman, her Husband, and the so called enity of love that supposedly you feel for her, and/or she feels for you.

Secondly; she needs to get her life together as she so indicated. Since she is the most important person in these Children's lives, their stability depends on her stability. For her own sake and that equally and more for her children, she needs to find stability and be able to be a good Mother for them so that their little lives don't go completely haywire. Her mental/emotional state has to be good not only for herself, but, to be able to do any damage control for her position as a Mother and for that of her children. I can not reiterate this enough.

Then of course you have to be concerned about her Husband, his hurt, although he may be an unwilling rival for the alienation of affections she has shown you, his mental/emotional state may very well be playing out in anger and resentment and possible hostility and other normal behaviors a spurned and betrayed man will be going through. Of course you have no control over how he feels and surely I don't see you as being the soothing and consoling person for his hurts, but, again, how he is reacting is going to affect those poor kids.

The of course, his friends and family, her friends and family, and other ripples in the pond are being affected by what has transpired. Your love interest probably has more people inside her head right now than she can fathom and she is probably going through hell.

Not to put you last or to say you are least important, but, afterall; you are the catalyst. You are or will probably be identified as the "Home-Wrecker". It's just as important that you take care of yourself and make sure you aren't yourself allowing your world to fall apart despite the impropriety and infidelity.

I would say it is important for you to back way off, and take all your energy from this situation and bring it back into your own arena. In other words; stay away. No contact except maybe a final communication.

It would make you a wise man and a man of great integrity at this point to step back and be a man of strong character and show sound moral judgment and discernment. Of course it took 2 to Tango, and it's not all on you, but, you had way less to lose than she did unless you too had a family and are also going through the same types of chaos. However; I assume this is not the case given what you shared.

Yes, it would be good to say good-bye and let go. This is a big mess because honesty has been betrayed, vows have been violated, and two people that did not have a moral right to enter into a relationship or interactions of extramarital dynamics and acts have acted with their passions, thier emotions, attractions, and threw caution and responsibility to the wind. You will learn that it was not worth it.

It should be your hope and your wish for "her" to work to put her marriage back together. Even if her and her husband were to Divorce or separate, it would be a long time before you two could really get together and enjoy any bit of happiness or harmony because so much energy of guilt, anxiety, anger, hurt, and many other feelings have now been set loose.

She may have been very special and may still be very special to you, but, sadly you trespassed beyond the sacred borders of another's marital soverignty. This is not the healthy or wise way to pursue a relationship or another woman.

There are plenty of women out there, and hopefully you have learned or will learn a crucial lesson from this situation. Regardless; it doesn't diminish the fact that the best thing to do is to walk away.

Regardless of how she has stated she feels for you or any ideas that she wants you, she needs to reengage into the committments made to her Husband and her children.

Whether it be by a letter or E-mail, you need to convey to her in humility grat apology and emplore her to try to save her marriage at all cost. Admit you both made a huge mistake, and that she needs to re-connect with the very reasons as to why she fell in love with her Husband and married him and had children. It's always easy for a woman (or man) to say they don't love their spouse when another comes into the picture, and it is usually a ruse. You were but a temporary escape for a woman that needs to focus all her time into her marriage as well as does her husband.

Yes, if I were you; I'd move on. There are too many more and better opportunities out there for you without all the drama and without a storm of emotions to take place.

It's just in my opinion the best thing to do, and in the long run, you'll be a better man foir it, and nows the time to rise to your best and recognize a bad situation now rather then realize it in worse case scenarios. For this, it is bad enough, and if you walk away, you will have at least showed yourself that you made a good decision when such was presented for you to make.

I wish you luck, and hope you do the right and proper thing,.......for yourself and all involved.

Answer 2

You are right and no one is here to judge you there are times that we all make mistakes but we make mistakes and try to learn from them. This my friend was a mistake because you are breaking up a family and you can't see it because you are blinded by love. I think that you should move on as hard as it may seem at this time the best thing that you could do for the both of you is to leave this relationship. She still loves her husband and is making you think that she is staying with her husband because of the kids. If she wanted to be with you and not her husband she would think of ways of getting things to work out with her kids and herself. Don't let her make you live your life like that. If she really cares about you she would let you go...
Move on to a single woman who you can marry and wouldn't have to share with another man. You deserve to have someone of your own to love...

Answer 3

Wow.......This is a mess.......I think you really need to think about things and make some rational decisions. Number one, this woman is married and so are you. If she does not leave her husband, are you still going to separate from your wife? Saying good bye to this woman is not going to be easy. It is going to be one of the hardest things you will do in life. I would let her go. You do not have to say good-bye to her. Be there for her if she needs a friend, but do not call her. Do not make contact with her. Let her be the one. She has children and it is hard on children when parents divorce. Do you want this on your conscience? Do you have any children? Do you want to upset your home if you do? You probably ought to work on your relationship with your own wife. Nothing good ever comes out of loving someone that is married. I know. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I couldn't say goodbye. I thought it was the best thing to do but when u find a love that you are willing to do anything for....
It sounds like she is not as in love as you are or not willing to go that extra step, I'm sure the situation is very very complicated. If you really love her I would tell her you will be waiting for her when she has made up her mind and try to continue with life.

Answer 5

You should never have cheated on your wife and vice versa, chances are she will not leave her husband and her staying there because of the kids is just an excuse you both will get what is coming to you and certainly the woman had not cared one bit about her husband or the position she has placed her kids in and most likely her husband will file for custody of the kids and when he gets custody she will hold it against you so you see what you started and it will be a big mess and you also can be named in any lawsuit having to do with a divorce her husband can sue you for alienation of affections as well as your wife can do the same to the woman you chose to sleep with, What goes around comes around its KARMA

Answer 6

thats true no one is perfect..but if u really love her u will be the one to give her up coz u have family she have family maybe she just say coz of her kids thats why she stay living with her husband and she just sacrifece her self coz of the kids but for some reason she loves u and she dont want to lose u but its not the right way to keep u and her husband let her free and tell her is not the right way what she is doing,. maybe she got clear in her mind and she will let u go too..

Answer 7

uncertain if my interpretation is right, i'm going to share those words. just about died however in no way tried, for attempting would not be sufficient. i've got crossed the brink of my coronary heart, the place living felt like basically too lots. And sleep? If i could basically sleep a 2nd then be loose... I prayed that he could take me domicile, Oh specific, I made a plea. good sufficient to take this existence, yet greater advantageous nonetheless to stay; Our paths won't continually be sparkling by some skill, we detect a fashion. existence will replace, notwithstanding that's diffused. Stand enterprise floor on the thought which you will get previous this. Be proactive in replace, and you will see the outcomes. You... can... do... it!!

Answer 8

I would tell her how you feel, tell her that you feel like she is stringing you along until she sees what he wants. And tell her if she is not careful and treats you like you matter that your email and phone will be cut off to her next. No matter how you feel about her don't let her treat you like this. He doesn't and you see who she is more concerned about? She is putting you on the side because you are not putting up a fight like he is. Get in there and fight for what you want and maybe she will see a man wanting her and not some easy target for when things don't go her way.

Answer 9

You said it yourself - you need to let her go so that she can make a decision without the confusion of an affair. And yes, you need to do what you need to do so that next time you won't still be attached and so that your current wife can move on as well.

How to tell her? Just tell her that it's the best thing for both of you. She knows that already, otherwise she wouldn't be going to counseling and trying to work things out with her current hubby.

Answer 10

Here's a tip, ask her out on a good day.then you tell her. Look at us now.. are we happy? are you happy? *before she answers* you stare her in the eyes and really feel and mean telling her I LOVE YOU then look away *sigh* look up again put ur hand on her cheek and tell her. You have your own priorities, and I KNOW IT ISN'T me, so you *look as if its really hard for you* and you tell her your time with her was the best but it was at a cost of too much of others, it ends tonight. Goodbye my dear and~ you have to try to run/walk fast away. you never know how crazy rejected women may act *no offense* goodluck~!