How can a grown man who has become lazy,become unlazy again?

Question

My husband of 13 yrs. didn't used to be lazy.this man would do anything to help any of our 7 children,even grandchildren,his job and even his mother.
slowly he started to pull away.we all asked "what's Wrong"he wouldn't answer.He now does nothing,I mean NOTHING...I ask him to clean his side of the room,take his laundry to the laundry room,ask him to help with carrying the groceries,clean his bathroom,he just won't do it.I could go on and on.Is it fair that I have to do it all?
could he change?
I have expressed my concerns to him-maybe a counselor could help him figure this out.He says he doesn't have a problem.
will he ever come back to himself?

Answer 1

maybe there could be some sort of depression there. maybe you try and find a way to get him mentally motivated into doing things. or maybe he just finally decided he did all things worth doing and lived his life so now its time to sit back and relax and do nothing. but as far as fairness is concerned, no its not fair. everyone should take care of their part of things. he should help

Answer 2

is he drinking? is he on drugs? i mean i'm not trying to offend you but i have read a book were this girl's father was in serious debt so he started ignoring the credit card companies and went into a great stage of depression and did nothing except drink and watch the home shopping network where he bought more stuff on credit cards that hadn't expired. maybe if your husband has a best friend you could get him to talk to him...maybe he would spill everything out to him...? of course i could be wrong..you may be his best friend. your second choice is observe him very closely, and try to get him out more. say that your youngest child really needs a ride to the park because its a party or something and you can't give her/him and ride. would he do it then? hope this helps

by the way, if you want to read the book i mentioned it is called: P.S. Longer Letter Later

sorry i forgot the author but it will come up- it has 2 girls on the cover

Answer 3

It sounds as if he is very depressed. You may want to call a councilor yourself and inquire about how to help him.

I have struggled with depression all of my life and still do at times. What gets me out of it is the way I talk to myself. I try very hard to focus on the positive and not let those old hopeless thoughts re-enter my mind.

Try getting away with him, a mini vacation or just a couple days away from the regular routine doing something he enjoyed in his more active days. Ask him what's on his mind and then just let him talk, don't try to fix this for him just let him know that you are there for him if and when he needs you.

Good luck

Answer 4

1) Fact: Men can not be lazy if they are not getting any. Get him a "c0ck cage" or "male chastity device" to make sure he does not masturbate.
2) Don't take it personal but are you getting fat? Thats enough to make a guy shut down. Brian Tracy's health book has the best ever weight loss plan in it. Just don't expect encouragement untill you have lost a few.
3) How is his work life?
4) Look up "dimensions of wellness" There are seven. Make him rate his satisfaction in each of these on 1-10 and go from there.

Answer 5

I don't have all the facts...but sounds like depression. Did he gain a lot of weight. Did he go go go go and NO ONE appreciated it and told him thank you and did for him back. You are saying you are asking him to take care of his laundry and clean his half of the room....whats up with that...?? its your bedroom, for both of you...you are the lady, you must do these things...and not to be sexist, but try to do the feminine things slowly and even though he is lazy tell him how much you appreciate him and care for him and the light bulb in his head might come on.

I think it will take a bit more than that but it will be a good start.

Good luck lady.

Answer 6

Sounds like deep depression is setting in & the proof that he feels overwelmed & mabey needs a well deserved break, let hin go away for just a bit of a holday, & when he comes back, things will look better, STRESS seems to be the problem good luck on this one.

Answer 7

I would have to say, "no". He will never come back to himself on his own. I say that because it sounds like he is depressed. He will not come back to himself on his own. He will need help. It looks like you have to put your foot down and "MAKE" him do things. Depression for whatever reason, is a sad thing. There is something wrong with him, mid-life crisis, not done what he wanted to with his life, etc. I don't know what it is. There is a reason why he is doing this. He needs to talk to someone. You need to have "tough" love with him. If you have laundry that needs done. You do your laundry and the children's laundry. Do not do his laundry. Make him do it. It is not fair that you have to do everything, but you are doing it. Why? What makes you a door mat?Why should you do everything? I sure wouldn't put up with it. I wouldn't put up with it another minute. I would tell him, "You need to get it together, Buster." I am tired of pulling the slack up for you." Make a list and tell him that is what you expect him to do. There is not going to be anymore, of me doing it all. Why do you need him if he does nothing? I know there are somethings that you can't let go, but if you ask him to help you and he doesn't, let it lay there. Don't be his doormat. You might need therapy too and I say that, so that you can better understand what you are dealing with and how to deal with him. Talk to someone at the church or a parent, but "MAKE" him get it together. You take authority over your life............Good luck.......I hope this helped you.........

Answer 8

BaDonkaDo - Speaking from experience, it could be a medical condition.

Many men go through a condition called Hypogonadism. This is where his Testosterone level drops and yes, it can hit men in their 30s and 40s as well as older of course.

Since Testosterone is the Hormone that men rely on to "not be lazy" and if he used to be really active, athletic, and you have watched him diminish and lose interest in things he used to pursue including a lot of projects and chores he used to handle, chances are he is not merely become lazy, but, has lost his "MoJo"!

This is what gives a man the desire to do many things including all the manly chores, fishing, cutting wood, and just about everything that makes a man a man.

I share this from experience since I used to be very athletic myself and was always full of vigor, desire, zeal, and has a "lottawanna" to do a lot of projects as well as my chores and household projects. When I began to subtly lose such interest it bothered me deeply, and I even began to consider myself lazy and it was tough for me to wonder what happened to my vitality.

Many men as well as even more women don't know that men goe through their own form of "change of life. Of course in women it is Menopause. In Men, it's called Andropause.

I would suggest that you Husband go to the doctor and explain what you both have noticed, and ask for both a Testosterone Level and a Free Testosterone Level test be performed on him. It's merely a blood test.

When I had mine initially taken at the age of 35, my Testosterone level was that of an 80 year old man. I needed Testosterone Replacement therapy which can be done by pill, shot, or patches.

In men this is very serious and can lead to early onset of Heart Disease and other serious problems. (I had a 4-way Bypass at 32 years of age).

If he has this test and it is found he is going through his "change" as men go through theirs from their 30s to 40s where women usually go through theirs in their 50s, it's important to find out now.

I used to be so active with outdoor activities and keeping up my garden and fishing and many interests, I felt like part of me was missing, and it was.

So, for you and those that read this, please be aware of this poorly addressed part of a man's life that needs due attention. That so called lazy man you may be looking at may be way low on his Octane, and it's worth getting it addressed.

Answer 9

There seems to be something else to this situation. If he agrees, a counselor may be able to get to the bottom of it. Sounds like depression, but then again I am not a professional.

Pray for him and try to see a counselor, even if it is by yourself.

Answer 10

Depression will do this to a person. Time to visit a doctor.